Rides & Rants

HAVE YOU TOTALLY LOST YOUR MIND????

2012-01-06T15:58:00.000-08:00

The short answer, I guess, is yes.

2012 is officially upon us, and part of me feels obligated to do my usual “year in review” post. But you know what, I’m just too lazy. 2011 was a good year overall, I’m not going to complain, so let’s just leave well enough alone. My goal is to make 2012 even better than 2011.

I’ve made a few resolutions – personally, professionally, financially, most of which none of you (the three or four of you who actually read this) are going to care about. One of those resolutions however is something I’ve been threatening to do for a while, and I have decided (probably after a few beers) that 2012 is my year.

As I find myself about to turn 35, I find myself feeling almost as bad as I did when I turned 30. Stressed, overweight, not exercising (as much as I want), and just generally kind of “bleh.” (Yes, that is the clinical term for it). I think about how a couple of years ago riding my bike for 50 or 60 miles was “a good start to a Saturday,” to now how a 30-mile ride is “a hell of a workout.” I think about how drastically undertrained (yes, somewhat due to the fact that it rained pretty much clear through June) I was for last year’s century ride with one of my oldest friends, Scott.

And then I think about Scott.

10 years ago, there was a pretty good chance that today there would be no Scott, and I would be thinking about Scott in the past tense. But 10 years later, I am fortunate enough to be able to just pick up the phone and call him.

But I digress… Why have I lost my mind?

I am making good on my threat to complete the Wildflower long course triathlon. This is a half-ironman distance… 1.2 mile swim, 56 mile bike, 13.1 mile run.

Now, Ryan and Dana have both done races of this distance (Ryan has even completed the long course at Wildflower). But people have called the Wildflower course more difficult than full ironman courses. This will be the first (and maybe last) half-iron course that I do; but I’ve got to do it. And I’ll have help. I’ve joined Team in Training again, and am raising funds for cancer research.

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/wildtri12/bwfargo

(yes, that is a solicitation for donations)

Why am I doing this? Simple. Because I can pick up the phone and call Scott. Let me back up for a second.

Scott and I have been friends since we were freshmen in high school. I was just shy of 14; he was barely 14. Our lockers were right by each other, and we got to know each other through daily ball busting. Fast forward to when we were 23, and he told me in the same breath that he and his then girlfriend, now wife Kate got engaged, and that he had been diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. Always one to keep it cool, he told me not to worry, and that in six months he’d be fine. Sure enough, that was the case.

Scott and Kate got married in 2001 (I know this because Alli and I had only been together a few months at their wedding), but not long after, he was diagnosed with an unrelated case of non-hodgkins lymphoma. At 25, my friend of 10+ years was telling me that he may not make it to 26, and even if he did, that he had a 40% chance of making it 10 years.

Fuck you, cancer.

Let’s not dwell on that.

5 years ago, we all turned 30. Scott celebrated with 5 years cancer free. About 3 years ago, he started mountain biking. And then he got on a road bike. 3 years ago, he dusted me up Metcalf Road in the Livestrong Challenge. 2 years ago, he pushed me through my first century ride. Last year, he started RACING bicycles. And he put up with my undertrained ass through my second century ride.

Scott turns 35 in May, and will be 10-years cancer free in July.

Suck it, cancer.

That’s why I’m doing this. In honor of Scott. One more survivor, and one of my heroes.

Here's to a great start to 2012 (with the exception of the pending root canal), and i promise to keep you updated through my pending challenge.

... and that cost what?

2011-12-16T22:05:00.000-08:00

Okay... so I know that the whole "swearing on a bible to tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth, so help me god" is pretty much the cornerstone of the justice system...

... but what if you're an atheist? and "god" is just an adjective that you place before "dammit!" like i do?

... or if you just have no concept of "truth" or "lie" like a lot of people of high profile?

... yes, that oversimplifies it...

... but ultimately, our justice system hinges on the fact that the guy on the witness stand is actually telling the truth.

... now...

i know that THEY say that they were going after Barry Bonds for lying to a Grand Jury... hence the perjury and obstruction charges...

and yes, since he is a high profile individual, THEY want to make an example of him BY prosecuting him for lying on the witness stand...

and yes... i get it. the importance to our justice system, that you can't just buy your way out of it...

but I have to ask... why was a federal investigation in to steroids in baseball needed anyway?

again... yes, i'm oversimplifying things here, but ultimately, barry bonds was questioned about whether or not he or other baseball players used steroids. why do i, as a taxpayer, give a flying fuck about this? i don't.

did he (or others) use steroids or other performance enhancing drugs? probably. whether they say they did or not.

was it AGAINST THE RULES OF THE GAME THEY PLAY (or as us 53-percenters call it "their job")? No.

therefore, why was it a federal matter? and why did i pay for a federal grand jury? an indictment? a prosecution? a conviction? and a slap on the wrist?

wow. and now we wonder why the nation is insolvent?

What did Lewis Black say when Ken Starr blew it with the Clinton impeachment? Something about when you have someone hand you all the evidence to convict a high-profiled asshole of doing something kind of slimy that you shouldn't hire a BIGGER asshole to go and do it? I guess in this case the bigger asshole won, because he got the conviction... but the real loser here was those of us who pay that asshole's salary.

I'm sorry... I promise I'll post something about a ride here tomorrow. I'm going to ride in the AM.

I am the 53%... Part I in a series of ?

2011-11-28T19:38:00.000-08:00

I am not part of "The 99%." Despite what these "99%" think, I'm not part of the 1%. And not all banks are evil. I work for one of them.

I am not involved in politics. I am a GDI. I don't make enough money to classify myself as a die-hard republican... plus, as an agnostic, I don't fit in with their traditional demographic of some kind of Christian. Depending on how you look at it, I make either too much or too little to be a Democrat. You know exactly what I'm talking about. You know I'm right.

The "Hope" and "Change" thing wasn't applicable to me.

I am part of the 53%. I am an honest, hard working American. I earn a decent living (and if I lived in Podunk, IA, it would probably be classified as an exhorbitant living). I can afford my mortgage payment. We go on vacation. We have nice things. My wife doesn't work, and can stay home and raise our son. I am part of that 53% that pays his taxes - the correct amount, and on time. I am part of the taxpaying Americans that funded those bailouts.

And where is my reward for doing that?

Oh... that's right... I don't get one.

Before I fly in to this one, a couple of points for the record:

1. I'm not hurting financially. I meet all of my financial obligations comfortably.

2. Like most of America, my home value has suffered. Fortunately, I can afford the payments.

3. I am six years in to a 30-year fixed mortgage. I anticipate being able to continue to afford the payments. Keep paying, and one day it'll all be mine. Woo - effing - hoo.

This morning, I spent thirty minutes on the phone with Citibank (yes, I'm calling them out by name), inquiring about a reduction in the interest rate on my mortgage. Due to the depressed value of my home, I would not qualify for a traditional refinance. Well, I'm a "good" customer, in "good standing" with my lender... I haven't cost this fine institution anything or put their money at risk over the years... that's got to count for something, right?

Wrong.

After all of the questions, right there on the spot, over the phone, I was told "I'm sorry. You don't qualify for any kind of a modification, because your payments are current, and your loan is not in danger of eminent default. You will not qualify for a traditional refinance, so I'm afraid there's nothing that you can do."

So, I asked about what would happen if I did go in to default, and were to just stop paying. Would I qualify for a lower interest rate?

"No, I'm not saying that."

I'm confused. So you go in to default, get practically to the point of foreclosure (presumably because you can't afford your mortgage payment, for whatever reason that may be), cost the bank a fortune in legal fees and other costs, you get a modified loan with a lower interest rate. You continue to pay your mortgage, in accordance with what you agreed to in the contract, and they tell you (in much nicer terms) to go fuck yourself. I am fairly certain that Citibank, and any bank for that matter, has lost more money on a modified loan than by lowering the interest rate on a performing loan.

I say this as a banker... Does it make more sense to (1) lose a few bucks of income by lowering the interest rate on a performing loan and ultimately get full repayment or (2) lose income by reducing the rate on a non-performing loan to make it "affordable," and then lose MORE money when the band-aid falls off and you short sell it, sell it through a foreclosure, or have to hold it as REO on your books for two years while you look for a buyer? Finance 101... Time Value of Money.

I don't agree with these "Occupy" protests. Or maybe I just think they're "occupying" the wrong places. Occupy congress... Occupy capital hill... Those are the assholes that let all the corruption in the banks and on Wall Street continue, and then bail them out at my cost.

I am the 53%.

burnout

2011-09-28T19:38:00.000-07:00

for about the last 2 months, i've been pulling 60 hour weeks. yeah, i know... bitch bitch moan moan. the upside is that killing myself during the week has allowed me to avoid those saturdays when i say "i've got to go in to the office tomorrow," and then i don't, and then i stress out about it for the rest of sunday and don't sleep well and dread monday. the killer is that i just feel like i can't say exactly what i've been doing! i worry that i'm just slowly killing myself.

and last friday, i "took the day off." stupidly, i checked my email. and i took a call from a client. which left me in a spot that i was dreading monday.

and of course it's the week before vacation. FML.

so i went in to the office on sunday, and got some things done. and i feel a little better. and as we head in to thursday, i think everything is going to be ok.

i shouldn't complain... i remain gainfully employed, with people i like, and for a company that is financially sound, and takes care of its employees. that's something to be said these days.

but still, for the last two weeks, i've just been wanting to find a way to get myself in to a situation where the nice young men in the clean white coats come to take me to the white padded room for a couple of days.

and now i'm 2 days from vacation, leave saturday to go to mom & dad's to drop off the dog and the go-kart. dad is going to put a racing stripe on it for me and get my windows tinted.

then sunday, it's off to san diego. dinner with ryan, dana and jan at stone... couple of ruination ipa's and i should be good. and then a week to recharge. disneyland with the wife and The Boy. couple rounds of golf. and a couple of palahniuk books on the kindle.

i'm hoping the week off will let me find a better balance.

i may burn the candle at both ends...

and i may not last the night...

... but oh, what a light i will be....

An Actual Conversation with my Wife

2011-09-19T19:57:00.000-07:00

As a parent, I am first to admit that of our team, my wife is definitely the one of more sound mind, and likely to make the decisions that put The Boy's safety at the forefront. Or so I thought.

"Honey, it really makes me nervous when he jumps on the couch like that."

"Oh, Ben, he's fine. It's the chair that makes me nervous."

raising an eyebrow in disbelief that somehow my wife is OK with The Boy jumping on the furniture "Umm... well, they both make me nervous. He's going to -"

"Don't worry, Karla... He's learning his balance he will fall at some point."

"Well, yeah. That's what I'm worried about. As a semi-professional drunk, I know that his balance level is really probably only one notch above someone who is halfway in the bag... And -"

"Ben... He's malleable. He'll bounce."

Wow. And I thought she didn't listen to me. Thank you, Lewis Black, for the sage parenting advice.

Hey Jackass....

2011-09-18T19:19:00.000-07:00

Dear San Leandro Driver:

Please grace us with the following small favors:

- Turn your radio down.

- Put your hat on straight.

- Put the phone down. Please cease texting whilst driving.

- Pay attention to your surroundings.

Although I am glad that you finally heard me screaming "HEY!!!" (and didn't shoot me when I showed you the "courtesy finger") and stopped to permit me to ride across the street (even though I did have the right of way), in some ways I wish you would have clipped me so I could have sued your ass. But I'm glad you didn't, because you probably blew all of your insurance money on the big 22" wheels.

Sincerely,

Concerned Cyclist

I really think that San Leandro has some of the worst drivers in the world... At least from the perspective of the cyclist. As a cyclist, you should always be on guard and assume that the car nearby does not see you. But here it's even worse. People not paying attention, coupled with roads and city logistics designed by a brain-dead monkey (not to mention several that are only one-notch above a third world country), you've got a cyclist's worst nightmare. And the one road that is nice and smooth with a well marked and spaced bike lane? There's a stoplight on every corner. Yes, a stoplight.

Anyway, as I was riding home, watching the sheer number of idiots texting and yapping on the phone held to their ear, I got an idea.

I've got the solution to the state budget crisis... Isn't it illegal to text and to talk on a non-hands-free cell phone whilst driving? You wouldn't know it in the San Leandro/Oakland area. Here's my plan. For two days, pull all police officers away from their normal duty. Put them on the roads:

If you are driving a car with a booming system - you get pulled over.
If you are driving a car with wheels any bigger than 18" (17" if you are driving a small car, or 20", if they are factory issued on an SUV) - you get pulled over.
If you are driving a Cadillac that is not a 2006 or later CTS, and you do not appear to be over the age of 65, you get pulled over.
If you are driving an Escalade with a booming system and 22"s, you get pulled over, and SEARCHED.
If your car has vinyl graphics that look like they were made at the local Kinko's, you get pulled over.
If your car has flip-flop paint, you get pulled over.

Why, you may ask?

BECAUSE FROM WHAT I SEE DAY IN AND DAY OUT, AND WHAT I SEE WHEN I AM ON MY BICYCLE, THESE ARE THE VEHICLES WHERE YOU HAVE BETTER THAN A 90% CHANCE THAT THE DRIVER WILL BE SCREWING AROUND WITH A CELL PHONE, AND NOT PAYING ATTENTION TO THE ROAD.

Budget. Crisis. Solved.

yeah. got a few?

2011-08-28T21:10:00.001-07:00

okay... all hail me... i finally found five minutes to update this thing... one day, i'll even get someone to make the layout and graphics and stuff look pretty. one day. anyway, welcome to the new blog... same address...

Rides & Rants.

why? because i like to ride. and rant. because there really are those things that happen to me day in and day out that, well, basically make me say "seriously. i cannot make this shit up."

look... i'm not important... i know that there are about three of you out there that actually read this. so keep reading it. you know what's going on, either because i told you, or you were there. to the rest of you, read on. you may learn something.

guidelines:

1) if anything posted here offends you, just don't read it. move on.

2) if anything here causes you to have a thought that you'd like to share... whether that is a continuation of the rant, a "whoa! that sounds like a great ride!" or a "ben, you're an asshole," the comment section is open and unmoderated. leave your thoughts. please.

3) 99% of what is written here is all done in good jest. life is way to short to take yourself too seriously. and if you're offended, you really shouldn't be reading this.

4) if i'm telling a story, or a joke, or a rant, or reliving a ride, and you think that the nameless person that i'm talking about is you, it probably is. refer to #3.

5) if you're looking for me to post constant pictures of my kid, i won't. this blog is open for all to see. it's just too much of a pain in the ass for me to moderate, or make it private. plus, the 5 or 6 of you that randomly drop by just to see what i've been up to are probably like me, and have half a dozen email addresses and can't remember which one they used to "subscribe" to this blog anyway. so why bother.

6) refer to rule #1. i probably can't emphasize that enough. and then refer to rule #2.

so there you have it... i belive that we can exist harmoniously within these parameters. welcome to the new & improved rides & rants. keep the rubber side on the road & your feet clipped in.

i need to figure this thing out.

2011-08-05T09:08:00.001-07:00

i need to either start updating this thing again, or just take it down. stay tuned, and if you're lucky i will post some more tirades or rootin' tootin' hi-larious misadventures.

another one on the bailouts

2011-03-29T21:31:00.000-07:00

i'm not going to go on another tirade here, and i'm not going to preach about the things that everyone knows. i'm also not going to sit here and talk about my finances because that's really no one's business but mine. let's just say that i feel like i've done alright for myself, and for my family. i feel like i've done alright because my wife can stay home with our son, we can afford our mortgage, and we can still afford to have some fun.

but we're still getting screwed.

why?

real estate.

don't talk to me about buying at the top of the market... i work in finance. i know how economic cycles work. i knew i was buying at the top of the market - but i also sold my old place at the top of the market and made a killing. of note, about two and a half years ago, i saw my old condo up for sale. for about $200k less than we sold it for.

anyway, times back in '05 and before were easy. property values were booming and credit was easy. even so, i played by the rules.

i put the traditional (i say "traditional" because this is how my parents did it) 20% down on my house. i got in to the traditional (again, same context of "traditional") 30-year fixed rate mortgage. sure - it was a quarter percent over market rates at the time; but that's the price i'm willing to pay for stability. the idea of an interest rate adjusting upward was not appealing to me. even when all trends point to decreasing rates, it was a chance i wasn't willing to take - i wanted the stability. glad i did it? yeah, for the most part. i know that if i stay here until 2036, and keep making my payments, the place will be mine.

anyway, where am i going with this... oh yeah - how i'm getting screwed.

i made prudent financial decisions - put a nice down payment, didn't over leverage myself, saved a little nest egg, passed on the BMW in favor of a Honda, etc. etc... and what is it getting me in this era of the mortgage bailouts? nothing.

could we walk? no. why? well, first and foremost, i don't want to screw myself for the next several years and ever being extended credit again. second, there's the philosophical aspect of "i signed an agreement, i honor said agreement." third, i'm a banker... those sorts of things don't look favorably upon us, and i'm not willing to risk my job for doing something like that.

so anyway, why am i bitching? i don't know. it's just plain frustrating that because i played by the rules, i reap no benefits. meanwhile, people who overextended themselves got a nice break from washington in the form of mortgage relief. and what else? i can't take advantage of lower prevailing market rates because lenders won't go for a 1:1 LTV. the good news is that now when i go to buy a bigger home, i really get more for my money. the trick is just getting enough out so i don't come to escrow with (a big) check.

what does that tell us about our society when you play by the rules and you still get screwed?

talk among yourselves.

Why the State of California is Insolvent, Part III

2011-03-22T21:31:00.001-07:00

... or, how the incompetent asses running the place are trying to nickel and dime the average joe in order to get out of insolvency.

Anyway, let's not editorialize here...

Building off of a series of posts by my friend Corey, here is my little financial episode with the great golden state...

I just finished filing my taxes, using TurboTax. I elected to e-file, such that I would like my money back sooner rather than later. That, and I don't want some paper shuffler losing it after it's been mailed. Fed e-file? Free. State? $19.95.

But wait... it gets better.

You have the option of taking it out of your return, or paying by credit card.

I think to myself, "Screw it... I'm getting enough back that I'm probably not going to miss the $20."

Right?

Wrong.

If you don't use your credit card, it's an ADDITIONAL $29.95 to e-file and have the fees taken from the return!!! Yes, you read that correctly - the fee has jumped from $19.95 to $19.95 PLUS $29.95!!! You're reading that correctly... from $20 to just south of $50!!!

I'd like to know how many people took the second option (those without credit cards are exempt, as this is the only option outside of mailing in the return, which is only the cost of postage plus several weeks, time value of money, etc. etc.).

It's basic math people.

I'll write something of substance when I have time.

Resolutions

2010-12-21T10:20:00.000-08:00

Yeah, so I missed most of my resolutions last year. Yeah, I'm going to point the finger at injuries in some cases, laziness in others, and parenthood for others. When you've got a kid who, no matter what time he gets to bed, and no matter if he sleeps clear on through the night, wakes up between 5 and 6, you have a tendency to say "fuck it. i'm sleeping another two hours. i don't need to go for a 65 mile ride today."

And that mentality has placed me back in to the stage that I was when I turned 30.

During September and October, lack of exercise and poor diet led to a fair amount of gout flare ups. Let me tell you how much fun it is trying to walk through Disneyland and the SD Zoo with unbearable pain. October really sucked... I had a massive gout attack, for which my doctor gave me a new medication to try. It didn't work, and I basically had gout all through October. Stopped the medication, and it cleared up! Even with all the rich food and wine of Thanksgiving. Knock on wood, it's been at bay for the last two months.

On to resolutions... I feel like I should borrow a title from one of Corey's posts... "Project Fatass." I feel like crap. I'm not motivated to exercise. Boardin' season is here, and I feel like even the bunny slopes are going to kick my ass. So let's keep it simple:

1. Ride more. No specific goals for the early part of the year, but get out at any chance I have. This may mean sucking it up, and suiting up only to get an hour ride in. As a recreational cyclist, sometimes you just feel "if I can't ride for 3 hours, what's the point of suiting up?" As a parent of a toddler, sometimes that's all the time you get. Suck it up, slip on the spandex, and get your ass on the road. Or in the dirt. Or on the trainer.

Other resolutions... Focus your hobbies.
1. Golf more. My game is totally in the shitter. Even if it's just a bucket of balls, you're not going to get better if you aren't swinging.

2. Play more guitar.

That's it.

perspectives

2010-11-16T20:29:00.000-08:00

business trip this week... probably the last for a while. good and bad. bad in that i'll miss seeing the SoCal crew on a somewhat regular basis. good in that the 4am mondays really suck.

so after being up at 4 yesterday, working until 11:30, not falling asleep until damn near 1:30, and fighting off the wake up calls beginning at 6 today, i finally made it. 4:00 rolled around, i was shutting down and heading to the airport.

i came out of the bathroom and one of the construction guys working in our building was running across the hall to the elevator like a six year old chasing a puppy. big smile on his face.

"How ya doin?" he says.
"Not so bad... yourself?" I reply, my eyes visibly glazing with fatigue, eyelids starting to sag.
"Great now," he says, "Goin' home to see my boy!"
I perk up a little... "Yeah. Yeah - me too!"
"How old is yours?"
"One," I say, "Yours?"
"Three and a half. He's awesome. Gets me through the day."

I think that pretty much made my day. Thank you, complete stranger. You put it all in perspective. My little nugget was even up when I got home... past his bedtime... but at least i got to see him.

Oh yeah... and it also helps that VINCE NEIL was at the burbank airport in the bar not ten feet from me.

One Year

2010-11-03T19:14:00.001-07:00

WE MADE IT.

HE MADE IT.

Ricky turned one on October 25.

Success. The Boy is 1. We did it.

He's a walker. He's healthy. He loves his dog. She's still trying to figure him out.

I think I'm getting the hang of this whole parenting thing.

success... sort of.

2010-10-07T19:09:00.001-07:00

Update from Daddy's first night alone with the boy...

As Corey put it, stupider people than me have had success with kids. I can handle it.

Ricky went down at the normal time without a fight. I went to bed at about 10. As I expected, he was up at 1. I gave him a bottle, and got him back down. In retrospect, I should have made him take the whole thing at once, because then he would have been back out at 1:15, instead of having two subsequent wake ups and not getting back down until 1:45. Meh, ya live and ya learn.

Only problem, I was wide awake. I zoned out watching TV, and was back out by 2:30.

And then he was up at 5, right on schedule. Fed him again, put him back down, but herein lies the problem of Alli being gone... He wasn't going back to sleep. So now it was 5:30, and he was up. And I was up. And I wasn't dropping him off at the inlaws until 7:15.

So I gave him some cheerios, and did some work.

All in all, I'll chalk it up as a successful evening.

But now, I'm fucking tired and just want to go to bed.

First night alone

2010-10-05T21:09:00.000-07:00

Well, Ricky is twenty days shy of one year old, and I'm home alone with him for the night. Alli is in Seattle. Yep. Just incompetent daddy and the boy.

Let me back up... she left me alone with him for a night in July... I was admittedly nervous because he still wasn't sleeping well. My folks came in to town, Dad and I built a fence, and Mom helped with Ricky. She even got up with him in the middle of the night (thanks Mom!).

Fast forward, and the day has finally come. Now it's Alli that has to be away overnight on business. I'm swamped at work (been pulling 12's for the past two months), and a bit nervous to say the least.

I dropped him off at my in-laws' this morning at 6:30 to get to work for a 7:30 meeting. Got home at about 6:45. Picked him up. Wasn't sure if he would be tired or not. But put him down at about 7:45, no fussing. Home free?

It's 9:00. He's asleep, and I'm blogging. I'm going to go to bed soon in anticipation of a 4am feeding.

here, there, wait... where the hell have i been?

2010-09-27T13:54:00.000-07:00

so it looks like i haven't posted anything since wildflower...

slacker...

so here's the update for the last few months...

in july, i completed my first century ride. livestrong challenge. special thanks to Scott for hanging with me, despite the fact that i was undertrained and sick as a dog. i did it. next year, i won't be sick, and metcalf road will truly be my bitch. thanks also to Mike for joining us. great to reconnect with an old high school & college friend who likes to ride.

august... sixth anniversary, and a day/evening sans kid!!! of course i missed the little bugger, but it's nice to be able to spend the day with the ol' lady, and have a nice dinner with real pauses in the conversation (as opposed to an interruption for feeding/meltdown). and ricky took his first unassisted steps. now the fun begins.

september... didn't get to do pac grove... upset about this. but i've got effed up tendons in my elbow making it impossible to swim. in triathlon, you don't make or break your time based on the swim... but you could die... next year. two road trips to so cal... just got back from a week in san diego. drove home from SLO this am at 5... man am i tired. back to the grind tomorrow.

that's it for now. i'll post when something interesting happens.

Wildflower, Hawaii, stuff, whoa... I'm behind.

2010-05-31T14:06:00.000-07:00

Well, first off, I should post about Wildflower...

Really, not much to say. I finished the race, I didn't train as much as I said I was going to, and I didn't beat my times from prior years. I finished in 1:32 and change. Not bad. Now, for the overanalysis...

- Transitions can make or break you. My T1 (Swim to Bike) was over 4 minutes. T2 (Bike to Run) was pushing 5... That's what happens when you have to stop and make a pee break before you start your run.

- Why do I say transitions make or break you? Because my swim time was a good 30 seconds faster than my first year (which was faster than last year), and my bike was a good 2 minutes faster than last year (which was a minute faster than the prior year). Even with a run that was a good 2 minutes longer, I would have come damn close to tying my prior times.

But whatever... I had a blast, and next year I want to go for broke and hit the long course.

This made it all worth it though:

And this:

That's my little Triathlete!

I also want to extend a congratulations to three of my colleagues - Big Mark, PK and Brad... Big Mark did his first triathlon with Team In Training; PK did the long course AGAIN, and Brad also did the long course - a day before his MBA graduation, and on the road to Ironman Paris!!!

And then there was much beer consumed. I mean, Fourth Event has always been my strong suit after all...

Two weeks after Wildflower, we were getting set to Hawaii. Alli's cousin was graduating law school, so I blew off that Friday, and drove up to Roseville to go for a long ride with my buddy Scott. We had intended to do about 65 miles, but only got in 50 because of a little SNAFU with my bike... More on that later. Anyway, we were riding and he took me to the hill where he has made the descent at over 60 miles an hour. I hit 42; that was good enough for me. My new bike is so much more stable than my old bike; but nonetheless, when you wipe out going 20+, it hurts. Bad. I can only imagine at 40+. So I am still cautious even though my wreck was two years ago, and I was relatively unscathed. Anyway, after we descended the hill, I kept going for about another quarter mile, while Scott was climbing back up. I slowed down thinking "What - is he doing it again?" Not a bad thought with Scott... Then I saw him coming toward me calling out "Dude, come on - we've got to climb back up. This was just a little side trip!" What. A. Dick. He then apologized and said "Sorry dude, this is my one dick move... I had to show you that descent... but I knew you wouldn't want to do it if you knew we had to come back up. Think of it as preparation for Metcalf." About halfway up the climb, he said "Look back 15 years at our high school class... Can you think of two more unlikely people to blow off a Friday at work to go for a long bike ride while preparing for a century?" Good point...

So the mechanical glitch... Turns out I had a malaligned rear derailleur, which caused my chain to jump too far over my lowest cog and get caught between the cassette and the hub. And we couldn't get it out. And the wheel wouldn't turn. So I'm faced with a two mile hilly walk to a coffee shop (where, conveniently, they had bike tools). Conveniently, a guy with a truck pulls up and says "Want a lift?" Thanks, Steve, for saving the day. He dropped us off at Trailhead Coffee & Cycling lounge, which was not only open with tools, but also a bike mechanic!!! 10 bucks, bike fixed, ride salvaged!!! Back to Roseville to clean up, then off to Davis for the graduation.

Ricky decided he wasn't having it during the ceremony, so Alli went out to quiet him down. We realized it was going to be a while, so I followed with the diaper bag, to change several full loads. We caught the ceremony on the screens, and popped in to see her cousin walk, and we were first in line for food. Ahhh, the advantages of screaming infants.

So that Sunday, we were off to Hawaii. With the baby. With my in-laws. All in all, we had a great time. But we didn't get much sleep. Ricky was cutting teeth (four were coming in). Remember that baby I bragged about that slept through the night since he was 3 weeks old? I don't know where he went.

Oh yeah - and the amount of extra shit you have to bring with you when you travel with an infant? Wow.

And I don't know why I bother bringing my running shoes on vacation... Next time, I'm going to make sure Alli just makes me leave them behind.

My in-laws were extremely helpful... Alli and I were able to go to dinner several times sans baby. But even when we had him with us, he was pretty good, and not once would I classify him as "THAT" kid or us as "THOSE" parents. Although there was a good hour on the plane home where he was "THAT" kid... but all subsided and he was fine.

3 rounds of golf with my father-in-law. Good times. We played one round up at Princeville... Very tough course. Am I glad I played it? Absolutely. This is the #4 course in the world top 10... absolutely professional tournament caliber. Even though it was windy as hell and pissing rain on and off, I'm glad I played it. Am I chomping at the bit to play it again anytime soon? Not bloody likely. I went Peach style, lost a dozen balls, the wind was so bad it killed any distance you could muster... oof.

Took a sunset cruise to the Naapali coast - pretty amazing - and a whole school of dolphins were swimming alongside our boat on the way back! That is something to see...

Took Ricky to his first Luau. He was very good and we got a lot of "What a cute baby" from the people at our table. There were a couple of honeymooners that my father in law was talking with.... Nice folks. I didn't get the whole conversation - but I did catch some of the initial small talk:
GB: "Where are you from?"
HM: "Ohio."
GB: "Oh - I went to Michigan."
HM: "Don't worry... We're not Ohio State fans. Where are you all from?"
GB: "Oakland. Don't worry... We're not Raider fans."

Anyway, good food, good times, free mai tais, and Ricky fell asleep, only to awaken during the fire dancers. He has an awesome "WTF?" face. I wish I had a picture of that.

All in all, with the exception of that whole "not sleeping" thing (I blew off a drive to Waiamea Canyon to catch a nap), it was a great trip.
Conclusion... Unless you have very supportive family with you to take the kid for a few shifts, skip the travel with the infant. Wait until he's 3. Or 18.

Ricky loved the water though. We took him in the pool a few times. He had a little floatie, and eventually, he fell asleep with grammy whilst in the pool. Hopefully we can start him on swimming lessons soon, so he knows proper pool safety when we're down at Kurler & Grampanator's house this summer. Or in the future, I should say.

After we returned, it was a few days down at Mom & Dad's... They babysat Izzie for two weeks. Two weeks with monster mutt. They all had a great time... They said she's welcome any time. Which is nice, because even if I had to take a day to drive her down there and another to pick her up, it would save me a grand by not having to put her in the kennel!

We went and saw my uncle's new store up by Lake Nacimiento... Oak Hill Market... (Shameless Plug Alert) A great selection of local wines and beers, topnotch service butcher and high-end deli. Stop by...

We spent a few hours at the wineries, and restocked the cellar... Eberle, Turley, and Zenaida... all make a fantastic product, and I have to thank Jessica at Zenaida... She always remembers us as "Hey! You're Annie's brother!" (My sister got married there... whenever we go, Jessica hooks us up.)

What's next on the agenda... Well, right now, I'm forcing myself not to check my work email, waiting for the long Memorial Day weekend to end before going back to work tomorrow. I took a nice 55 mile bike ride yesterday, in preparation for my first century - the Livestrong Challenge - which is in six weeks. Suck it, Metcalf Road. I will make you my bitch.

That's about it. Till next time...

wow, am i behind...

2010-04-19T19:16:00.001-07:00

so at the beginning of the year, i set myself some goals. here we are, mid-way through april, and i find myself re-evaluating those goals...

what have i learned?

1. rain sucks.
2. having a kid really makes me realize how much free time i had, despite the fact that i felt like i had no time.

we're two weeks from wildflower, and i have yet to be in a pool.

am i registered for the event? yes.

am i going to beat my times? doubtful.

but that's okay... the picture of me running across the finish line with the kid will be worth all of it.

livestrong challenge is on. 100 miles. that's gonna hurt - but me and my friend SICKNESS are going to cross that line. and now that it's getting sunny, and staying light out, there's no excuse not to ride.

big kahuna half iron... maybe next year. but that's okay... i've got some unfinished business with pac grove. like four flat tires. this year, come hell or high water, i WILL break 3 hours on that course.

san jose tri... let's see how badly wildflower kicks my ass. perhaps that's the jumpstart i need to get my ass to the gym early in the morning or take the dog running.

2010 is starting off as a busy year. don't get me wrong - i wouldn't change it for the world - but i'm still amazed by how much free time i used to not have...

poor planning...

2010-04-06T22:25:00.001-07:00

i guess not "poor" in the bad sense... with the exception that my poor planning amounts to providing an interest-free loan to the government. in that the end result is good. i guess i learned yet another lesson in 2009, which was not evidenced until i completed my tax returns in 2010:

mortgage interest

(yes, we knew about and have deducted this alll along)

baby

(this is obviously a new one)

new car purchase

(yay! no double-dipping on the sales tax!)

tax refund

(you're welcome, mr. obama, for interest free use of my money for the last year.)

on the bright side, now we will finish up some minor (or re-) work on the back yard, and provide junior's college fund with a kickstart.

oh happy day.

that is all.

so much to say...

2010-03-26T17:41:00.000-07:00

... and so little time with which to say it.

holy crap. that's about as much as i can get out. holy crap.

the year is a quarter gone. seriously, can you believe it? seems like just yesterday it was new year's. and now here we are basically done with march.

work... busy. but that's good.

home... busy too. again, a good thing. little ricky is 5 months old. little joey turns a year old this weekend. wildflower is coming up in a month. i need to purchase my entry and get that all in line. outside of riding my bike, i haven't had a lot of time to train. it's amazing how much free time i really used to have. now with the kid, to get a free hour you have to hope he's in the mood for a nap. and then you have to hope the dog doesn't bark or the phone ring and wake him up. i'm not complaining though. wouldn't change it for the world.

got to do my taxes still... really hoping that little "dependent" tax deduction pays off.

really looking forward to hawaii in may. not going to do anything... toes in the water, ass in the sand, not a worry in the world, a cold beer in my hand, life is good.

heading to the ranch this weekend for joey's first birthday... ass in a lawn chair, my toes in the clay, not a worry in the world a bud light on the way, life is good.

hoping to get a couple of rides in this weekend. let's see how it all shakes out.

Baby did a bad, bad thing...

2010-03-14T13:22:00.001-07:00

... Well, no actually, no one did anything bad. But when I left Sports Basement on Friday night, that old Chris Isaak song went through my head. Baby did a bad bad thing...

Let me set the stage... Two years ago, I got in to road biking and triathlon. I picked up a great bike, which has served me well. I made a few upgrades, which made it even better. But for the last year, I've known that biking was something I really enjoyed, and was looking to make that next move. I was happy with my current ride. It was due for some maintenance, and potentially more. The bottom bracket and cranks were on the fritz, as I started feeling on last Saturday's ride. Tune up is one thing, but the bracket and cranks were going to probably run me in excess of $300. Putting it in to perspective, even with the upgrades, I was in to the bike for a grand. Over 2 years. Does it make sense to put in $300 on something that I would probably only have another year? I was ready to do it; I need the bike... but something happened. Last Sunday, we were at Sports Basement buying some new running shoes, and there it was...

And it was my size. And it was a smokin' deal. Gotta love '09 model close outs. Plus, there was a very generous discount for donating an old bike to Cycles of Change (http://www.cyclesofchange.org/). But still, I wasn't sure if it was the right time.

My wife, being the ever level headed one talked me in to it. Right bike, better than right price, and great time. Time value of money, any way you look at it, a 45% discount now is a lot better than full price a year out. I craigslisted my old bike on Wednesday, had a buyer (for the price I wanted!) on Thursday, and picked it up on Friday. Our first ride was on Saturday. A friend that I rode with asked me "How was it?" All I could say was "Sick. Unreal."

Meet my new friend, "SICKNESS."

We're 70 miles in to our relationship... Cheers to thousands more.

Letter from the Editor

2010-03-02T20:31:00.001-08:00

Dear Loyal Readers:

I deleted my last post. I hit the wrong button. Sorry about that… that was a good one…

Anyway, the baptism went fine, the boy didn’t burn (nor did I, for that matter), the church didn’t fall down.

Also, thanks to Corey, I learned that I am an APOSTATE, and not a heretic.

Anyway, on to today’s point.

This post is not for you, my four loyal readers… No, today’s Letter from the Editor is directed to the casual readers, whom I have been told that I tend to offend on occasion.

Dear Casual Readers:

It has been brought to my attention that my posts may, from time to time, be taken the wrong way. Yes – I started this blog to share my experiences while training for my first triathlon; but it has evolved. I came to find that I liked making postings. I’ve helped family and long lost friends answer the burning question of “What have you been up to lately?” This has become an outlet for my thoughts and frustrations… almost like a journal – except visible by the public. And I intend to continue.

Please be assured that while posting to this blog, I never have any malicious intent toward anyone. Nothing contained herein has ever been intended, nor should it be interpreted as a personal attack on any individual or group of individuals, living or deceased. To that end, I’d like to offer a few suggestions to keep in mind while perusing my ramblings. With these, I’m sure we can all be friends at the end of the day.

1. 99 out of 100 things that I may post on this blog are in no way, shape or form important to anyone. You should not take it too seriously. I do this for fun. If something funny pops in to my head, I might post it. Likewise, I may post the occasional rant based on something I see or hear that just makes me say “WTF?” A fair number of people might see the humor in my posting, or may develop their own new ideas. A fair number might not. I need an outlet – hence the posting of the occasional (okay, semi-frequent) tirade on the blog. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t take myself too seriously. You shouldn’t take me (or yourself) too seriously either.

2. If I am sharing a humorous (ok, what I perceive to be humorous) anecdote – be it historical or just something I’ve cooked up in my head – and it sounds as if I am poking fun at you, I probably am. Again… refer to point #1 above, and don’t take it so seriously. Please continue to point #3.

3. If you are interpreting my poking fun of an unnamed person that you think is you to mean that I don’t like you, stop. It is because I like you that I may throw in the occasional good-natured jab. Please refer again to point #1 – don’t take everything so seriously. Continue reading. On occasion, I do post a deep thought or two.

4. Further building on point #3, I can count on one hand the people that I genuinely do not like. Kindly be advised that I do not interact with these people on even a remotely regular basis. In fact, I have not seen any of these few people for the better part of ten years. Extrapolating, you the casual reader can safely assume that you are not one of those despised few. Again, refer to point #1, and don’t take everything that I post here so seriously.

5. This blog does have a comment section, which is unmoderated. In other words, this is a free forum where we can all share ideas. I will even occasionally respond to comments! You may even comment anonymously. If you don’t like something that I have posted, the comment section enables you to voice that opinion. Likewise, if you are entertained by something that I post, the comment section is the perfect place to let me know! Again… I think I said this in point #1… Don’t take it so seriously.

6. If you find yourself reading something and asking yourself “Is he being sarcastic?” Then the answer is probably “YES.” Again… back to point #1 and taking things too seriously.

7. In case I haven’t driven the point home clearly enough, DON’T TAKE EVERYTHING YOU READ HERE SO SERIOUSLY.

I am hopeful that the seven points noted above can put you in the right mindset for enjoying my pointless stories and tirades. If these suggestions don’t help, then just don’t read this blog. And of course, now that I’ve said that, human nature kicks in, and you will probably become part of the loyal readers.

Hugs & Kisses,

- management.

Ummm.... I don't think you're qualified to make that decision...

2010-02-10T14:44:00.000-08:00

Before anyone jumps down my throat, let me qualify this post as follows:

1. I only saw bits and pieces of the story.
2. I don't know what the difference between a "Catholic" hospital and any other hospital is.
3. I don't want to start an argument over healthcare reform... we all know the system is effed up.

On Headline News today at lunch, there was a tidbit about Catholic hospitals, at the direction of various Bishops implementing policies whereby they refused to remove feeding tubes on patients that were in a persistent vegetative state or terminally ill despite their advanced healthcare directives. I heard something along these lines on the radio last night as I was fighting traffic home.

I am not a man of faith, nor is this post an attack on anyone who may be Catholic. But unless that Bishop is actually a certified medical professional, should he really be making the decision about overriding someone's directive to pass peacefully? We're not talking Kevorkian and the assisted suicide here - we are talking people who are in the final stages of their lives, or who are effectively brain dead, who have made the advanced health directive - a legal directive - to pass on. And hospitals are not abiding by this because a bishop said not to do so?

I don't think that it is wise for someone without proper medical qualifications to be making these kinds of decisions. And if hospitals are letting this happen, I think it adds a whole new element into the chaos known as the healthcare reform debate.

I will research the story and be back...

So, where's my bailout?

2010-01-21T08:15:00.000-08:00

This is a long one. If you have ADD, here is the 10-second summary:

This economy sucks. I pay my taxes. I pay my mortgage. I'm not in a bad position financially because I made smart decisions and didn't overleverage myself or maintain a lifestyle that I couldn't afford. My property value is depressed just like yours. Where's my bailout?

On to my actual post for those who are actually going to read this...

It's a tough economy. We all know it. I consider myself to be part of what seems to be the minority in that during 2009, I remained gainfully employed. Not only that, but I remained gainfully employed at a company that I like, that is well run, with a group of people that I absolutely love working with. Without those people, my job wouldn't be worth it and I could walk tomorrow.

My wife has a good job. She likes her team too.

We have a 3-month old. He's the best thing that has ever happened to us. Do I worry about putting him through school? Sure. What parent doesn't? But we've started saving for that. My folks always said "The best thing you can do for your children is to educate them." So it doesn't bother me that maybe we went out to dinner at Chili's instead of Ruth's Chris. It doesn't bother me that I'm going to have to wait on buying that new bike. That'll make it all easier in the future when I have to write the tuition check.

We are (fortunately) fine. We're not hurting. We have not had to dip in to our retirement savings or our other investments for living expenses, mortgage payments, or funding a lifestyle we cannot afford. Sometimes we run it a little tight - but we've been able to put away money every month nonetheless.

So where is my bailout?

Every day, I see lawyer ads on TV promising to settle your tax debt for pennies on the dollar. These attorneys are advertising cases where they settled $100,000 tax bills for $2,000. And the government wonders where the holes are in its revenue plan. Maybe this isn't the norm, but think about it... a $98,000 discount (regardless of whether the tax bill is $100,000 or $1,000,000). Multiply that by 10. By 100. By 1,000. By 10,000. That can add up to nearly a billion dollars. Yes, that's billion with a "B." Maybe my parents brought me up wrong. Maybe I should be punished for being honest. I pay my property taxes on time. I file my tax returns (Federal and State) in a timely matter. I pay the amounts that the simple calculation shows that I owe, and rejoice when it says I'm getting a refund (... and if it's a big refund, I get upset that I gave our incompetent government an interest free loan by overpaying).

So where is my bailout?

Let me see if I have a high-level of understanding about the "BIG 3" auto manufacturers:

(1) $3,000 from each car sold goes to the pension of retired UAW members. Wow. That puts any GM, Ford or Chrysler car at a $3,000 price disadvantage right off the bat.

(2) Chrysler should have failed. Three strikes and you're out. The government bailed Chrysler out in the 1970's. Strike 1. Daimler acquired Chrysler in the 1990's, and couldn't make it work - Strike 2. A Chinese private equity firm bought the Company in the early 2000's, and couldn't make it work. Strike 3. Done. And then the government bails them out.

(3) GM - we are in the middle of a gas crisis, and you're expanding your Hummer offerings? Really? Unemployment levels are as high as they were in the 1930's and you're pushing $80k Cadillac Escalades and more options on the Corvette? Seriously? It took a Chapter 11 and Government ownership stake to make you dump the non-profitable brands (Saturn, Pontiac)? A first year undergrad business student with three weeks of macroeconomics classes could have told you what you were doing wrong.

(4) Kudos to you, Ford. You made it work. I like you. I respect you. Unfortunately, at the end of the day, it hurts you because you are actually going to pay back your debts, etc. But good job in making those changes. You are not a government-run company. I was really leaning toward buying that new Edge, but the third row seat and the fact that it was going to be my wife's car is what ultimately sold us on the Highlander. That said, I guess the bailout was the proverbial tipping point that convinced me that I really am more of a Mustang guy than a Camaro guy. So when it comes time to buy the toy car, we'll talk. And I really like my sister's Fusion and my brother in law's Mazdaspeed 6. So when the time comes to replace the Accord, it's nice to know that there are options outside of Honda, Acura, BMW, and Mercedes. Oh yeah, and I'm kicking myself every day for not buying 1000 shares of Ford stock when it was sub $3.

The real estate market is the one that really kills me right now. Before I launch in to this rant, let me say a couple of things:

(1) I feel genuinely bad for people who lost their homes due to foreclosure because they could no longer afford their mortgage. I really do. This is a terrible thing, and it is unfortunate for someone to lose their home.

(2) My realtor is a saint. I have worked with her now for 7 years, through two home purchases, and she will be the first person I call when I buy my next home. Never once did she advocate paying more than we could afford (even offering $2,000 from her own commission to bump up our offer to ensure that we got the house!), or taking out a loan for more than we were comfortable. And she has been incredibly successful. Shame on the realtors and mortgage brokers who pushed buyers to go beyond their means.

(3) To those buyers that were duped or pushed by an unscrupulous realtor or mortgage broker, I feel bad for you to some extent. You are losing your house for which you overpaid, and for which your unrealized gain (appreciation in value - which was probably the big selling point to you) has disappeared, and frankly you now owe more than the house is worth. But at the same time, I must ask... what were you thinking? You have a pre-tax income of $60,000. What mathematical formula were you using that told you that you could afford a $1,000,000 mortgage? Gross Monthly Income: $5,000. Monthly Interest on $1,000,000 at 5% = $4,166.67. Property tax accrual (assuming 1.0% per year) = $833.33 per month. Disposable income = $0. And this assumes that you are not taking any tax withholdings from your paycheck. So we should be talking about a shortfall here. Did you fail math in third grade, or were you just beaten with the stupid stick?

This is where I am upset. Let me set the background here, however, so that you, my four loyal readers don't think that I am delusional.

(1) I sold my first home and bought my current home at the height of the market. I made a KILLING on the sale, and used that profit to (a) put 20% down on my current home and (b) pay for about 80% of the improvements that we made during the first year and a half that we lived there.
(1a) I knew we were buying and selling at the height (or damn near the height) of the market, and knew that I would not be doing a 2-year flip to take the profits and run. I knew that I would be in my house for at least 5-7 years (and realistically 7-10 years).

(2) I have a 30-year fixed rate mortgage, which I can afford to pay. My payment is constant every month, enabling me to budget my cash accordingly. Assuming I continue to make those payments, the house will 100% be mine.
(2a) Our income has increased substantially since we entered into that mortgage, and it is that much easier to make the aforementioned payment now than it was four years ago.
(2b) Interest rates are supposedly down on 30-year "jumbo" (i.e. anything over ~$350k, or basically anything in California) loans, and so I am evaluating refinancing for a lower interest rate. Will that be possible, given the depressed Loan-to-Value? I don't know. But I don't stress about it, because I can afford what I currently pay.

(3) Like every other home in California, my property value has suffered. Would my lenders be okay if I sold the house tomorrow? Probably. Would I do this, even if the opportunity for a great purchase in a different area came up? Probably not. Why? I can't afford to walk away from $180 grand (between down payments and improvements).
(3a) I will probably eventually rent the place out, at least for a while, for an amount sufficient to service the mortgage, or close to it. Not the ideal situation, but to be under 40 and own two houses in the Bay Area isn't too bad of an aspiration to have.

Seven years ago, when my wife (then fiancee) and I were considering our first real estate purchase, we went out to see a few properties. We met a realtor that seemed nice, and agreed to go see some properties with her the following weekend. We made it absolutely clear through a few phone calls that we were looking for two bedroom condominiums, with an absolute high end cap on the budget of $325,000. She said it would be no problem, and that she would also bring along her husband, a mortgage broker, so we could discuss financing options. Fantastic! This is really going to happen! A summary of the three or so hours that we spent looking at properties:

We saw one property within our price range. We were not taken to any of the properties that we had mentioned we saw online and were interested in seeing. Every other property was in the $600,000+ range.
The one property within our price range was in somewhat of a state of disrepair. Well, not disrepair, but dated. Like vomit green appliances and formica counter tops, shag carpeting, and fire-hazard electric wall-heaters dated. We knew that some fix-up (paint and the like) would be necessary - but a complete renovation was out of the question. (Don't get me wrong, we weren't expecting granite; but what we ultimately purchased was MUCH better than what we saw.)
The mortgage broker husband made a valiant effort to convince us that a $600,000 mortgage on a combined pre-tax income of $85,000 was not difficult, and was by no means a stretch, and that we wouldn't have to make any sacrifices or curb our lifestyle in any way to afford the payments.

Allow me to summarize that conversation. Keep in mind the following things:

I hold an undergraduate degree in finance. I am not Warren Buffett, but I know how to balance my checkbook, and that you need to take in more than you send out.
I am (and was also at that time) a banker. In 2003, I was working with problem loans - i.e. to troubled companies, and a few individuals. It was (and still is) my nature to look at the "worst case" scenario.
I understand the concept of Loan-to-Value, and the reason that lenders don't necessarily want to make 100% LTV loans. They want to ensure that their borrowers have some proverbial "skin in the game."
I understand that in an environment of rising interest rates (or where rates could rise), a variable rate loan is unfavorable to a borrower.
I also understood that we were probably hitting a real estate bubble, and that I would need to play my cards right and get out of the "starter home" and in to that next "transitional" home at the best time.

For the record, I don't know if these people are still working, or if they're in jail.

BF: "Our combined take-home income per month is $4,500. The mortgage payment on an amortizing $600,000 loan at 5.5% would be $3,400, leaving us only $1,100 on which to live. And of that $1,100, there is a $400 car payment in there that will be around for the next four years. That's cutting it a little close"

MB: "That's easy - Take out an interest-only loan. That way your payment is much lower - $2,750 a month, and you're writing it all off on your taxes."

BF: "Okay, I understand that concept, and sure - it makes sense because we'll probably only be there for three or so years. But what about building my equity position, and what happens when that interest-only period is over?"

MB: "Prices are always going to go up. And you can always refinance or sell the place for a profit, or refinance and take cash out! But you said it yourself - you're going to be out in three years anyway. Also, you can further increase your take-home income if you don't get married, and claim nine tax dependents on your W4. And besides, your income will be going up over the years."

BF: "Ummm.... Interesting concept... Is that legal?"

MB: "Sure. Taxes are less if you're not married. And if you know you've got a mortgage interest deductions, you can increase your dependents on your tax forms! Instead of getting the money back at the end of the year, you just see it up front."

BF: "Right, I'm familliar with that concept. But nine dependents and the 'don't get married' thing just doesn't seem right... I'm never going to have nine kids; and really at the end of the day, us being married would make sure she's taken care of if something happens to me."

MB: "Sure, I see your point about the marriage; but you can get legal documentation to make sure she's protected. See, you'll never meet two more married people than us - we have four grown boys, we love to travel and spend every second together. But we make too much money for marriage to make sense. Technically, we're divorced, and I'm a Nevada resident."

BF: (eyes openining) "Really. Interesting. So what about my car payment?"

MB: "Just use your savings to pay off your car."

BF: "I was going to use my savings for the down payment on my house."

MB: "Don't do that - it's easy to buy with no money down. And I'm sure you can use that money for other things. Like furnishing your new house, or going on vacation, or buying a new car!"

BF: "Not my preferred course, but I'm keeping an open mind and hearing you out here... What about property taxes?"

MB: "Those will work themselves out."

BF: "OK... Great. Thank you for your time, but we really must be going. I really don't think this is going to work out right now."

I would really like to know how many people fell for that pitch. Wait, no I don't. I already know... I've read the foreclosure and short sale statistics from two years ago through today. The answer is "a lot."

So where does that lead us? Just the other day, I saw a commercial for a firm that specializes in helping people renegotiate their mortgages with their lenders, complete short sales without legal judgments or negative impacts on their credit ratings, or in some cases, to flat out walk away from their homes... ceasing payment, avoiding bankruptcy, and again not suffering the consequences on their credit ratings. What is this teaching us as a society?

How does this enable an economy to thrive? I was (half jokingly) told by a college professor that our entire college education boiled down to one concept - Buy Low; Sell High. Ultimately, that is true... Companies (in theory) sell their widgets for $x; manufacturing costs for said widgets were $y, corporate overhead was $z, leaving a profit of $a (or at least $0, signifying that at least costs are covered). That's not what we're seeing here... We are seeing Buy High, Sell Low (or walk), and forget about the difference!

As a lender, your primary concern with any loan is that you need two sources of repayment. Most people may say, "No, there's only one repayment source for a loan - the monthly payments!" They're missing the point. Let's think about it... Here are some basic types of loans and their sources of repayment. Oh yeah - unlike credit cards, most loans are secured in one way or another. But even credit cards have that second source of repayment... it's just a matter of whether or not the issuer is going to pursue it.

A car loan - Primary Source: the Borrower's cashflow. Secondary Source: Repossession and sale of the car.
A mortgage - Primary Source: Borrower's cashflow. Secondary Source: Foreclosure and sale of the real property.
Margin Accounts - Primary Source: Cash on hand in the brokerage account or contributed through a Margin Call. Secondary Source: Sale of the margined stock.
A Cash Secured Loan (yes, people do this): Primary Source: Borrower's cashflow. Secondary Source: the cash securing the loan.
An unsecured personal loan - Primary Source: Borrower's cashflow. Secondary Source: legal remedies to sieze assets to sell (won't get in to this... unsecured lending is a total gamble in my mind).
A Corporate Equipment Loan - Primary Source: Borrower's cashflow. Secondary Source: selling the equipment securing the loan.

Making sense?

Back to my point... When you buy high, and sell low, you are losing money. Your inflow is less than your outflow, which means someone is left holding the bag. The banks, mortgage brokers, and realtors were blinded by the money that they saw coming in, and the values of properties going up that they failed to look at the downside. So who funds those losses? Well, equity. In real estate, that initial equity is your down payment (remember that whole concept of "Loan to Value" that I mentioned?) Lenders want to incent borrowers to live up to their obligations - much easier to do if they stand to lose that equity that they have initially put in to the deal...

Think of equity from the standpoint of start-up companies and venture capital investments. Chances are, this start-up company is pre-revenue, and burning cash to get its product conceived, developed, marketed, and to the point that the Company is making money on its own, theoretically there is an investor in there putting money in to fund those losses. If not, then it is only a matter of time before that company fails.

Did you know that of every 10 investments in new companies ("new" meaning companies in the development/pre-profit stages) that a venture capitalist makes, 6 will fail? Of the four surviving companies, two or three will "bump along," probably eventually reaching breakeven/ self-sustainability, and only one (maybe two, if they're lucky) will be the home run. That's why equity players seek such huge returns. They need to pad their huge losses on those six that failed, and their zero-return on the two to three that are just scraping by, with huge gains from the one that succeeds.

Unfortunately, if you're a real estate lender, or any kind of lender for that matter, it doesn't work that way. You need to be right 98% of the time. I know it sounds ridiculous, but look at the loss ratios of the most successful banks out there... Even in this weak economy, the best are only reporting net charge-offs of 1.5% of their total loan portfolios. Anyway, as a lender, you're looking at the long term repayment of your loan, and an adequate amount of interest income over time. And if it pays off early, you're happy because that is capital that you can deploy elsewhere. But when you're taking a haircut on every loan you make, not only are you losing out on that income, but you're also losing the money that you put out the door! Sure, the seller is laughing all the way to the bank (not the one that made the loan!) - but where does that leave the lender? Exactly. He now has this hole to fill. And if this kind of situation is the norm as opposed to the exception, investors are probably saying "I'm not putting in any money - this model isn't sustainable."

Enter the government bailout.

Remember my source of repayment discussion above? What is the government's source of cash for the bailout? The taxpayers. Oh yeah - and let's not forget - the government is also taking haircuts on many people's tax bills, thus decreasing the source of cash available to be able to fund that equity hole - so let's requalify that with "THE HONEST TAXPAYERS." So, to what does all of this equate?

Simple. We the people who are honestly paying our taxes and our mortgages and fulfilling our other obligations are funding the bailouts. And what do we receive in return? That's right... Nothing. But the poorly run banks and Corporations get to stay open, and people who spend far in excess of their means are encouraged to continue to do so!

Now... I ask again... As that taxpayer who is funding these corporations and individuals by way of my honest tax payments. As that borrower who pays his mortgage payment on time, and who has effectively had any potential equity appreciation in his house disappear for the forseeable future...

WHERE IS MY BAILOUT?

Resolutions and Milestones

2010-01-05T20:49:00.001-08:00

New Year's Resolutions:
1. Update this thing more frequently. Outside of my three loyal readers, there are many people who are constantly asking for baby updates. (stay tuned below...)

2. First Century Ride - I don't care if it's organized, or just for the hell of it... I will put 100 in one "sitting." As it looks, the San Jose Livestrong Challenge in July.

3. Half Marathon.

4. Beat my Wildflower time on the sprint course.

5. San Jose International Triathlon. Olympic Distance, sub-3 hours.

6. 70.3. Big Kahuna, here I come.

Anyway, on to milestones:

1. Ricky weighed in at a whopping 12 pounds, 3 ounces today!!! He has nearly doubled his birth weight of 6 pounds, 14 ounces.

2. Ricky held a ball and batted it away while we were sitting on the couch.

3. I would never say this if it weren't true, and until it was my kid, I shrugged it off. Because until it's your kid, it doesn't matter, and it doesn't work:

No matter how shitty a day you've had, when that little rugrat smiles at you when you get home, that's all that matters.

Enough sappiness... Here are the top 10 questions (and answers) that I've received as a parent:

10. How long was your wife in labor?
17 hours, start to finish.

9. Are you getting any sleep?
Yes. After those first 3 nights, we figured it out. And at a little over 2 months, most nights we put him down by 10:30, and he doesn't wake up until my alarm is going off at 6 or so.

8. Are you serious?
Yes. We're lucky. I know.

7. Are you going to have him baptized?
If it were my choice, no. I don't like forcing things in which I don't believe onto someone else. However, I don't get to make that decision... So, yes.

6. Is he crawling yet?
Really? He's two months old. We're happy he's finding his hands and smiling.

5. Isn't he just the cutest little thing?
Yes. Thank you for noticing.

4. Is your wife going to go back to work?
Yes. We live in the bay area. We cannot afford for her not to do so. Well, we could; we just couldn't afford to have any fun if she did not.

3. Has he peed on you while you were changing his diaper?
Yes.

2. Has he pooped while you were changing the diaper/in the bath?
Yes to both.

And the number one question I've received since becoming a parent....
1. When are you going to have another one????
Seriously? Can I get the hang of this one first?

Till next time...

2009... a year in review....

2009-12-31T11:08:00.001-08:00

Holy crap it's been a long time since I've posted anything here... I don't know - am I ashamed of that, or have I just been that busy?

2009 has been such a blur - most of it was good - I didn't have any funerals to attend, so I'll take it. And of course with the arrival of my nephew Joey and my son Ricky, I guess you can say things were really good. So without further ado, let's see how much I can remember about 2009:

January... 1/1 began a streak of 3 consecutive New Year's days waking up without a hangover. I went on my first 60-mile bike ride with Scott that following weekend, and again the next weekend with Matt on Mines Road. Both fun rides; and Mines was especially an ass kicker.

February... A week of work travel, and a boarding trip that went through Valentine's day... Yeah, I know, a bullshit hallmark holiday, but I'll never forget the phone conversation...

"Hey Babe, happy Valentine's day."

"Hi - happy valentine's day. I'm late."

"Late for what? It's Saturday in Tahoe - oh shit! THAT late!"

The following weekend was the NASCAR race at Fontana, which was NOT rained out this year. Three days at the track with Dad and Tim... King Taco for lunch, and lots of beer. My arrival home that Monday confirmed... a little Fargo was on the way.

Oh yeah, that boarding trip also seemed to be a catalyst for something else... I'll keep my mouth shut, but I think that the guilty parties know who/what I'm talking about...

March... Aside from a couple of pints of the black stuff to celebrate St. Paddy's day, it was pretty uneventful... We finished up our back yard (and here I am in December still having a few little odds & ends to wrap up...) Oh yeah - there was also that whole "My sister had a baby!" thing on the 29th... Welcome to the world, Joey!

April... Got to meet my nephew for the first time... Finally jumped in the pool for the first time in way too long to get ready for Wildflower....

May... Wildflower. Great time as always. Can't wait for this year! Mid-month brought my first trip to Europe - England and Ireland. First time ever that I've been somewhere that I didn't mind being a tourist... of course, I ate and drank WAY too much... And what's all this hubbub about it always raining in England and Ireland? Save the one day in Bournemouth, the weather was gorgeous.

June.... Got home from Ireland, and jumped right in to Team in Training fundraising & training mode... found out that we were having a boy (immediately curing all worries that I had about becoming a parent)...

July... Ummm, I really can't remember anything terribly eventful here...

August... 21st - our 5-year anniversary! Alli had been gone for 3 weeks for work. We spent our anniversary in Santa Barbara...

September... Pac Grove triathlon - four flat tires, and thus I didn't break my 3-hour goal... but I finished the race with a smile on my face, and partied like a rockstar that evening with the TNT crew.

October... Alli and I both turned 32... oh yeah - and there was the arrival of the newest Fargo, Richard Walter. Little Ricky was named after his grampa Rick, and late great grampa Dick Fargo, and Alli's gramps Walt. Make us proud, Ricky!

November... 23 people over for Thanksgiving with a 1-month old? We must be nuts... Since I was prohibited from frying turkeys on our new patio, Dad and I smoked a couple of prime ribs. Oh yeah.

December... Ricky's first long car trip to gramma & grampa's house, and his first Christmas. Ricky & cousin Joey both got to meet Uncle Ray (which is awesome, because Ray's in the army and it's always good to see him home safe!). Ricky got to meet Uncleholic - I mean, Uncle Milt for the first time too. Always an entertaining evening at the Fargo ranch... On to New Year's Eve... Alli and I had homemade Superdeluxegourmet bacon cheeseburgers, and a bottle of 2005 SCARECROW. Great way to end the year.

I guess summing it all up, 2009 was a great year... The first in a long time that I wasn't having to rush to a hospital, or go to a funeral. Certainly with the arrival of the boys (Ricky and Joey), it was a life changing year to say the least. Here's to hoping that 2010 is even half as good.

My child is now a number...

2009-11-09T10:43:00.001-08:00

Yep. Ricky got his social security card today. Now he's a number just like the rest of us. And he can start paying taxes. I wonder when the free credit card offers are going to start rolling in.

Being Dad

2009-11-06T13:45:00.000-08:00

Well, I finally have some time to update this thing. This is officially my first post as "dad" beyond the announcement of Ricky's arrival.

I guess I've had some time here and there to post, but seriously, when you've got an infant, your schedule is no longer yours. When he sleeps, we either sleep, or eat dinner, or just relax. Although we're actually getting a reasonably decent amount of sleep (all things considered), that "relaxing" thing is huge... I've bypassed a couple of opportunities to go for a bike ride just because I've been so tired. And that's okay.

Anyway, his full name is Richard Walter Fargo... Richard after my dad and Grampa, Walter after Alli's Grandpa, Fargo, well, borrowing from Corey, "Because that's what the state says."

The day of Ricky's birth started early. Very early. Saturday the 24th started off just as any Saturday. I woke up, went for a bike ride, and just sort of kicked back like we normally do. We went grocery shopping. I made tacos for dinner. At about 11:30, I decided to turn in, and go read in bed for a while. I killed the lights at 12:30, and Alli came in a couple of minutes later. No sooner had I started to drift off, does she say "It's starting!" Nothing like a baby to wake you up... and he wasn't even here yet!!!

So we called the doctor, called our folks, and got ready for the contractions to get more regular. At 3:30 in the morning on Sunday the 25th, we headed to the hospital. At this point, I had been awake for going on 21 hours... And the fun was just starting.

I'm not going ot bore you (or gore you, as the case may be) with the details of labor... Let's just say that it ain't pretty. And the epidural is a godsend. Long and short, at 5:16 pm on Sunday, October 25, after 17 hours, little Ricky arrived. And he was perfect. Alert, looking around the room, not screaming too much, perfect. And within 15 minutes of being born, he had his first blowout. What's a blowout? Corey, I'm sure can answer this. Rob, I'm sure will find this funny. A blowout is when he takes a crap so big that it blows out the diaper, and soils anything and everything in his immediate vicinity. Okay, so not that big, but the diaper and the shirt he's wearing. And the stuff in the bassinett. And it's this nasty black stuff that looks like pine tar. You know, like you use to make sure you've got a grip on a wooden baseball bat. Fortunately, it doesn't smell - otherwise, I probably would have lost it.

So anyway, I stayed at the hospital that night with Alli. I didn't go to sleep until probably 1 in the morning. 42+ sleepless hours. Let the fun begin. I did sleep at home on Monday... well, what you can call sleep. I guess I spent a lot of the evening saying "Holy crap... I'm now in charge of the well being of another human life."

You need a license to drive a car. A license to carry a concealed firearm. A certification to SCUBA dive. But when it comes to the baby, you're in the hospital with a nurse at your beck and call, and when you go home, they make sure you have a car seat, and say "Here's your kid! Good luck!" I still maintain that there should be some sort of prequalification for child rearing. Yes, that's a judgment call and I'm making it. "Well who are you to judge?" Well, I'm first to admit that I wouldn't qualify for that license.

Things I learned about labor and delivery:
1. Take everything they taught you in the childbirthing classes, and forget it. End of story. Toss it all out the window. Because it doesn't go the way they show you in the videos.

Fast forward to Tuesday, and we're home. The first two nights were brutal. We tried to go to sleep when he did at 9:30, knowing that we would probably be up every two hours to feed. That would have been nice, but he got up at 11:30... and 12:30... and 1:30.... and 2:30... you get the point... Needless to say, grandma's visit was very welcome, and we took some much needed naps. The next night wasn't much better, and much like my brother-in-law, Mike, I was ready to send him back. My frustration was getting the better of me, and I was letting the expletives fly almost as loudly as he was crying. Finally, by night 3, we got this crazy idea... stay up with him until that midnight feeding, then go to bed. Wake up at about 4, feed, and go back to bed until 7:30 or 8 (and in a couple of instances after that, 9!). It worked. I'll be damned.

Saturday, Auntie Annie, Uncle Mike, Cousin Joey, Granny Kurler, and Grampa Rick came over. Ricky was on his best behavior, making us look like we knew what we were doing. Sunday, I watched football and NASCAR with the boy.

It's tough to describe what you do with a kid... He's needy. Feed, change, sleep, repeat. I really can't help with the "feed" part - suffice it to say, I am ill-equipped. But I can change a diaper in under a minute. And something that you don't think about - watch out for the little fire hose. Yes, I've been sprayed. Yes, he's pooped on me mid-diaper change. Yes, it's gross. I guess it's a fact of life though.

So what have I learned in these two weeks?
1. Infants don't do much. But they can be mesmerizing to watch.
2. Poop isn't funny anymore.
3. Baby farts are funny - especially when they hear it and get that "What was that?" look on their face.
4. Baby farts stink. Some of Ricky's could clear a room. I'm so proud of him!
5. Screw the environment... you couldn't PAY me to use cloth diapers.
6. If he's asleep and breathing comfortably, there probably isn't anything wrong. Leave him be.
7. You can (sort of) function on three hours of sleep or less.
8. If he's screaming bloody murder, he's either hungry, has poop in his diaper, or is just fussy. He's fine.
9. Forget swaddling in a blanket... Pick up some of those cheater swaddles - wrap him up tight and they velcro closed!!!
10. Yes, my kid is probably cuter than yours. But hey, I'm biased.

Oh yeah... How much do diapers cost? I had calculated it at about $6 a day based on 34 cents per diaper, plus 6 cents (give or take) on wipes. Based on 12 a day, that's close to $2,200 a year. Sure, this goes down in year two - I hope - but it's a bit of a shocker initially. The real pisser (ha ha) is that in a lot of cases, that diaper has a lifespan of 30 seconds. You think he's done, and then guess what - Ha! Surprise, Dad!!!

Tonight Grandma is going to watch him for a couple of hours and Alli and I are going to go out to dinner. We'll see how this goes.

It's official....

2009-10-26T13:09:00.000-07:00

Yep. We're proud parents of a healthy baby boy! Richard Walter Fargo (Ricky) arrived October 25 at 5:16 pm.

I really can't complain about 36 sleepless hours, because Alli really did all the work. 17 hours!!!

The feeling is really indescribable.

After changing my first three diapers, I will say this... Poop isn't funny anymore.

More later... like when I regain consciousness.

Shakedowns from AT&T

2009-10-21T17:07:00.000-07:00

Is this legal? Really?

A while back, I offered my commentary on how the "bundles" really don't save you any money. I still maintain this... My in-laws are still having phone issues after "upgrading" to the AT&T You-verse package. They're thrilled with their High Def TV though. I keep telling them they need to get surround.... or at least a Bose 3-2-1 like we have... but, I digress.

Anyway, a month ago, I was all stoked because we cut our phone bill from $60+ to $20 by going to a "local only" service. Awesome, huh?

Wrong.

I got our bill the other day. It was $37. That means our bare-bones telephone service is $20, plus whatever the minimal charge is to have the number unlisted, plus another $14 in taxes.

I'll repeat that last part...

PLUS ANOTHER $14 IN TAXES.

On a $20 phone service. All so my wife can have a burglar alarm on our house (in a city where 911 and police don't respond), and so she can have a lifeline to her mother.

Fuck you, AT&T. Or maybe I should be saying fuck you, FCC. Or fuck you, FTC. Or fuck you, whoever levies the taxes on telephone services.

Is this legal? Really?

Nothin' yet...

2009-10-19T19:58:00.001-07:00

Dear loyal readers:

Junior isn't here yet. However, we are in the "any day now" phase. Further bulletins as events warrant...

- Management

In other news, I slept on Friday and Saturday for the first time in two weeks. It felt good. I got a decent ride in the dirt on Saturday, and was able to avoid going in to the office on Sunday due to Alli's insistence that "You're 20 minutes away. I'd rather have you being a basket case in the office and getting things done than being a basket case around here getting nothing done and asking if I'm alright every five minutes."

I didn't sleep again last night, waking about every hour when I heard Alli and asking "Are you alright?"

Yeah... i'm a train wreck right now. I guess I better get it over with now, as I'll have to be the one keeping his cool here pretty shortly. If the hormone-induced mood swings and emotions over the weekend were any kind of an indicator, boy am I in for an adventure. Now where's that bottle of Jameson?

To the four of you who actually read this...

2009-10-16T16:04:00.000-07:00

... i did appreciate the emails noting that you nearly pissed yourselves when you read that i am looking forward to junior's first f-bomb. stay tuned.

- management

Bundle This!!!

2009-10-03T08:10:00.001-07:00

With Junior on the way, I've (tried to) become a bit more of a penny pincher. Why? Well, when wifey is on partial pay for a while, AND you've got another mouth to feed, well, you do the math. In that respect, we started looking at "Bundles" for our TV/Internet/Phone service. Let me tell you what a fun process that was...

We are part of what I believe to be a declining percentage of the population between the ages of 18-39 that still has a home phone. Why? Because we have an alarm system, and oh yeah - my wife needs to be able to call her mother every 30 seconds. I never use the damn thing - hell, I don't even know our home number without looking at the thing at safeway to punch in our savings card. All my friends and family know better and use my cell phone. So long and short, I pay $60 per month for my wife to be able to call her mother. Do I have a problem with my wife calling her mother? No. I have a problem with $60 a month for her to call someone about a quarter mile away. That, my friends, is ri-goddamn-diculous.

Anyway, since my wife is on leave, her work cell phone is "suspended" - i.e. she can't use it. And no, it's not a matter of "well how will they know?" It's a matter of the service is turned off. And even if it wasn't turned off, do you really think that she would want to be hearing from clients whilst on maternity leave? Yeah... I didn't think so. So we got her a cell phone. (and by the way... blackberry messenger is cool... effectively Text messaging where you don't have to pay for the texts, which matters if you're on a limited text plan like I am.) Back to my rant... So we got her the cell phone, and she was going to get the home number transferred to it. So after a YEAR of BEGGING her to shut off the home phone (which we still haven't shut off... i'll get to that in a minute), she starts looking in to "bundles," and I start looking in to other alternatives - VOIP, Magic Jack, etc. I want something cheap.

VOIP - Like Vonage or something... Nope. Not an option. Got to run it through your interweb connection. No problem for most - but ours is now tucked in to a corner in the kitchen. Makes this a little tougher.

Magic Jack - $19 a year? I'm totally sold. Nope. USB on your computer.

Yeah I know - these sound feasible still... then we get to that little issue of the alarm, and basically having to re route phone lines given the location of the computer and internet connection... forget it.

So we go on to the next idea... Bundles. Most telecom/cable providers are offering bundles to tie you down... and actually, it does sort of make things easier - one bill. We have AT&T Phone Service, Verizon wireless, DirecTV, and Comcast internet. Yeah, four bills. So why don't we bundle? Well, DirecTV and Cable with a DVR (I'm still too much of a cheap SOB to pay for High Def) were (and are still) about the same price. Internet is usually reimbursed by my wife's employer (and actually, the DSL connection out here sucks compared to the cable modem). Verizon is the only wireless provider that works where I need it to work... i.e. here and the central coast. I don't use the home phone, but again... fuckit. I'm done explaining.

Anyway, whilst on her first week of leave, my wife researched some bundles. I agreed that DirecTV was not an essential part of life, and as long as we had comparable service with some kind of DVR, I was fine.

Let me baseline it here... Between Internet, DirecTV, and Phone, we pay about $180 a month.

AT&T YouVerse - I have heard nothing but negative feedback about what a nightmare this is from three friends. My wife was reading the mailer that we got for this to see if it would be feasible. I said no way. And she acknowledged that she couldn't hear the phone because of all the static on her parents' line. And although AT&T mobile service means I could get an iPhone, I'd still have to shell out the $175 buyout on my Verizon plan for service that doesn't work. Oh yeah - and I'm still too much of a cheap SOB to buy an iPhone anyway. Pass.

Comcast Triple Play - We were ready to pull the trigger and get this one going. It even starts at $99/month for high def TV, phone, and cable internet. But here's how they get you... Start at the lowest package price. Add a DVR... You're up at the price of the next package, which has more channels, but still no DVR. So add in the DVR to that package, and NOW you're at the same price as the top-end package, with a gazillion channels that you're never going to watch, but you've got your DVR. Fine. Let's go.

So we're on the phone with the guy, who tells us that it's going to be $179 a month with a two year contract. I said "Wait a minute, I'm on your web page right now, and it says $159."
"Oh - well, that's a web-only special."
"Ok, thanks. I'll order through the web. Bye!"

Easy enough, right? Wrong. Click on the $159 package - it isn't $159. It's $179. And that's before taxes. So it works out that we wouldn't really be saving ANYTHING, and in fact would be paying MORE for a bunch of channels we don't watch.

Now... having a finance degree from a respected university, and being a banker and all, you'd hope I'm half decent with numbers. The $180 we're currently paying is less than what the $179+taxes per month (not to mention this goes up after a year...) plus the OPE's for the equipment and "one time installation" charges. Hmm... savings?

So, we looked at AT&T and our phone and alternatives... Well, we both have cell phones. Long distance doesn't cost. Verizon to Verizon doesn't cost. That covers about 99.999999% of the folks we call out of the area. Problem solved. Keep the stupid land line with Local Only service. Brilliant... Our phone bill just went from $60 a month to $20. And the $40 we were saving is what it cost to get the Verizon family plan with two blackberries. OK, so now you can argue that we aren't really saving anything, but I beg to differ... We weren't paying for a cell for wifey for the last 4 years... So what we saved on our home utilities offset the cost of her cell.

Anyway, we just went from paying $180 a month for Phone/TV/Internet to $140. Without switching from the services that we liked.

I guess what I'm saying is this... Bundles may sound good, but you really have to do the research and know what you're paying for. As we found out, we weren't going to be saving any money; and in fact would be paying more in year 1 (due to the installation costs), and even more in year 2 when the costs of the bundles went up! Buyer beware....

the clock's tickin'....

2009-09-30T11:24:00.000-07:00

well, we are three weeks away from official parenthood. with that, i offer my sister's latest blog post on the ten most important things you need for a new baby. i don't think i say it enough, but my sister is more than just an amazing cook... she turned out to be a pretty smart kid, and i think she's doing a pretty damn good job as a mom. my nephew "The Captain" is the first infant that i've really taken an interest in... and despite 200 miles between us, i keep up on her blog/facebook posts of his development. i'm learning from her.

it's kind of funny, because i'm older than my sister, and alli and i have been married longer than she and mike have. yet for whatever reason, i knew that annie would have a kid before me. and so now, big bro is asking lil' sis for advice. anyway, i was going to post my own comment about her latest blog post; but it got so long that i figured i'd turn it in to my own post. i guess you could call this the "what worries me most as a dad to be as we enter the last three weeks before junior's arrival?" or, if my wife is reading this, "what are the irrational arguments that ben is playing out in his head?"

#1 - what to do with visitors:

annie listed the #1 thing on her top ten list of things you'll need as "a schedule for visitors." i couldn't agree more. let me clarify:

we want to see our family.

we want to see our friends.

we are excited.

we can't wait for you to meet the latest addition to our family.

there is nothing more that we want to do than show the little guy off to everyone who'll listen.

but give us (and i use "us" as a collective for all new parents out there) some breathing room. i never really thought about this until 3 and a half years ago when james and janell had ashley. james sent out the bulk text message to everyone he knew as i'm sure any proud new dad would do. i called him (i was in texas) to say congrats, and that i hoped to meet her soon. about three days later, alli asked me why i had not yet gone to see her. i told her that i was pretty certain that they needed some recovery time. i called the next day to see when a good time to come by would be. he asked me if it would really hurt my feelings if he said "can you wait a week?" i said "why would it? you guys have got to be exhausted." he thanked me, and noted that i was the only person to ask if they were up for visitors, instead of just dropping in.

why do i say this...

we as people, as caring, nurturing creatures have a natural tendency when a family member or friend has a new baby to want to be there right away to see the baby, to hold him, to do whatever it is that people are fascinated to do with newborns. (frankly, i've never wanted to do any of the above until it is my own kid.) and as excited as the new parents are, i don't think that everyone around them realizes how exhausted they are. i don't know if you've ever seen what parents go through to deliver that kid (and i hoped that i wouldn't either, but after the childbirth classes, suffice it to say that i have no more libido), but they are exhausted when all is said and done. what everyone knows as "labor" is really probably the shortest part of it. when the time comes, when you hit all the stages of labor, it is a realistic probability that you are looking at a 24-plus hour period. of no sleep. with some pain mixed in there. and a tremendous amount of physical work. seeing visitor after visitor, be it at home or at the hospital, may not be the first thing the new parents want (contrary to popular belief). and after mom is done delivering, she's going to be very haggard. and all sweaty. and probably covered in baby goo and/or crap (literally). and she'll probably just want to take a shower. and then when you figure for the first few weeks, a baby needs to be fed between 8-12 times a day, including nights, you can only imagine the exhaustion that mom (and probably dad too, if he's getting up to help or as a sign of solidarity) is facing. and even beyond that, the amount of effort required to get the baby (not to mention yourself) up for seeing people is quite the production. and don't even talk about going out somewhere in the first few weeks. and yes, family dinner a quarter mile away is too far and too much of a challenge.

i guess that is the longwinded way of saying this:

every new parent is excited for you to meet their new arrival. so don't take it personally when they say "you know what, now is not a good time." just respect their space, and their need for some down time.

i cannot wait to introduce my son to all of my family and friends. i am beyond thrilled that we are having a boy. i can't wait to teach him all the stuff that my dad taught me. i can't wait to take him to his first 49er game, first NASCAR race, first baseball game, you name it. i can't wait to teach him to ride a bike, and to give him a band-aid and tell him to "shake it off and get back at it" the first time he falls off and skins his knees.

but you know what, those first few days and weeks are going to be living hell. it's going to be like all those sleepless nights in college - except it doesn't involve beer and doing something stupid. it's going to be stressful dealing with this helpless little thing that all he can do to communicate is scream.

so i guess this is just an open plea to everyone who does come to visit or call... if i'm curt with you, i'm sorry. if i don't seem appreciative of you, i'm sorry, because i am. if i seem to be more anti-social than normal, i'm sorry. work with me here... i will openly blame it on the lack of sleep and stress associated with a newborn. please don't take anything i say personally. i do want you around - just don't get upset when i say "now isn't a good time. come back tomorrow. or next week. or when he's three."

i guess this gets in to concern #2:

"helping" versus "suffocating"

i am very thankful and fortunate that we are going to have a lot of help from family. but at what point does it become suffocation? i'm a big "personal space" kind of guy... and when i haven't slept in multiple days for whatever reason, i have been told that i'm sort of, well, an asshole. the difficulty that i know i'm going to run in to is those family members and friends that want to be there for everything. don't get me wrong - again, it's appreciated. and yes - i'm happy to see you. but we just put the little guy down - he's sleeping. no, you don't need to go check on him. really - you don't need to change his outfit right now. we know you're just as excited as us, but really, can my wife feed the baby in private? family or not, i really don't need you watching that. privacy please? yes - we do need some help outside of the baby... can you take the dog for a walk? or pick up my dry cleaning? or a fifth of jameson? no, don't wake him up...

#3 hypochondria.

okay, i'll admit that even i'm a little more on "medical condition" alert than i ever have been. it's not my life that i'm toying with though, and his little immune system isn't there yet. so yes, i will be using hand sanitizer, and i'd ask that you do too. if you are sick, then stay out of my house. yes, that applies even if it's just "a little sniffle." yep, he sneezed. how about that... he's human. no fever? he's fine. no, he doesn't need to go to the doctor. don't give him that. no, it is not the latest mythical superflu that everyone is talking about... stop reading the AMA journals.

#4 unsolicited advice.

i know that everyone out there with kids is automatically a parenting expert, which therefore gives them the undisputable right to dispense advice on how to raise my kid to me. i know. that's what you want to think. that's fine. (note the sarcasm in my tone...) but let's think of it in a different way... picture our new little family unit as a business... alli is the CEO, because let's face it - she calls the shots. i am the CFO, because i'm a penny pincher. little ricky is our entire workforce. it is up to us to ensure that he is happy and healthy and taken care of, because just as the health and happiness of your workforce is critical to the success of your company, his well being and happiness will be the driver of the well being and happiness of our family. you, outsider, are what we will refer to as the "Secretary of Sex and Music." what's that mean? it means that when i want your fucking opinion, i'll whistle.

i realize that sounds harsh... sorry. well, maybe i'm not sorry. i guess what i'm saying is this... i don't know a damn thing about being a parent. but i think i had pretty good teachers, and that i turned out okay. so if i take what worked for them, throw out the few things that didn't work, and make a go at it with that as a base, i think i've got a good starting point. when i ask for an opinion, then that means i really don't know what to do, and could use the advice. this is where you step in and dispense your opinion, no matter how absurd or right on it may be. i asked for it at this point.

#5 strangers.

why does the presence of a baby make everyone feel entitled to come over, get in its face, and start touching it? excuse me, random person in the grocery store, why are you leaning over my cart and touching my kid? i guess to some extent, this also goes hand in hand with "visitors." "ding dong" goes the doorbell.... "woofwoofwoofwoof" goes the dog... "wahhhhh" goes the baby who we JUST got down to sleep. and who are you? and i should care, why? and the "please do not disturb - sleeping infant" sign on the door was not applicable to you because.... no, i don't care if you know my mother-in-law. so what if you went to elementary school with my wife's brother. i don't care if you go to the same church as my wife - i don't know you. no, you can't hold my son.

there is so much more that i can't even think of right now. this is going to be my biggest, but most enjoyable challenge ever. so let me make my own go at it. let me make mistakes. maybe my concerns are irrational and unfounded. i don't know - we'll have to see how it all shakes out.

here's to one hell of a ride...

Race Report!

2009-09-23T19:46:00.000-07:00

Well, Pac Grove has come and gone. The bad news, I didn't meet my goal of sub-3 hours. The good news, I finished. I had a great time, and I'll be back next year... hopefully as a stepping stone (if calendars work out) to BIG KAHUNA in Santa Cruz... You read that right... 2010's goal is a HALF IRONMAN!!!

Anyway, let's not get ahead of ourselves... Here's the skinny on the race...

For those just waiting for the numbers, here are the splits:
Swim: 00:37:50
T1: 00:03:11
Bike: 01:51:28
T2: 00:03:33
Run: 01:06:26
Total: 03:42:28

Now… I know what you’re all thinking here. “Fargo, didn’t you say you were aiming to do this in under 3 hours?” Yes. I did. And like I said, yes, I’m kind of upset that I didn’t. And the reason that I didn’t break 3 hours was that I had four flat tires during the bike ride. Yes, you read that correctly… Four flat tires. So basically, a bike ride that should have wound up being about an hour and nine minutes wound up being an hour 51. I’ll get to that later.

Making a long story short, I still enjoyed every minute of it, and I’ll be back again next year. Triathlon is a sport of endurance and overcoming… you endure whatever challenge comes your way, and you overcome. By crossing that finish line with a smile on my face, I did it. Regardless of what my time says.

Although my wife and I headed to Monterey on Thursday evening, the full effects of “race weekend” didn’t exactly set in until about 1:15 on Friday. I rode my bike from the hotel down to the registration area to pick up my race entry packet. I browsed the exhibition for a few minutes, and left to hit 7-11 for some Gatorade for the race. When I got out, I moved my bike away from the store and heard what sounded like a gunshot. Alas, it was my back tire. I changed it quickly and thought to myself “Well better now than during the race!” Mmm hmm… I got back to the hotel, finished my work day, and got ready for the Team in Training “Inspiration Dinner.” It was good to unwind with my friends from the team, and of course Coach Seth gave us that last minute pep talk. Of course, it ended with “Go to bed. We’re meeting in the lobby at 5:45!” Which to some people (surprisingly NOT me) meant “Let’s go have a beer.” I was in bed at 8, watching “Angels & Demons” on pay per view. I fell asleep just after 10, having no worries about the race. I was trained. I knew the course. All I could think about was finishing.5:15 came early. I got up, took a quick shower to wake me up, had a Clif bar, and headed downstairs. Caught up with the gang, had a Diet Pepsi, mounted our bikes, and rode off to transition. As the sun started coming up (at about 6:15), I got a look at the ocean out at Lover’s Point. It was choppy. There were swells. This looked like something you should be surfing in – not swimming for any distance. Things calmed down by about 7. I finished putting on my wetsuit, and headed down to the beach to get used to the water. As I got in and started moving around, I felt something that I hadn’t felt since my first open water swim a year and a half ago… Fear.

The water was colder than I remembered… and colder than the water in Aquatic Park in SF. My eyeballs literally felt like they were freezing every time I came up for air. All I could say to myself though was “Suck it up. Calm down. You’ve done this before.” When the officials called us out of the water to get ready to start, it all came together. The horn blew, and we were off. In my typical laid-back, semi-noncompetitive manner, I started at the back right of the pack, and headed in to the water. Immediately the fear was gone, and I was on a roll. There seemed to be less kelp this year – I didn’t find myself tangled up as much. The first lap seemed effortless, as I got in a nice slipstream and drafted the group in front of me. Out of the water, around the rock, and back in for lap two… Again – a nice slipstream to pull me along. As I was about to make the second turn, I saw a seal – right there by the buoy with his head poking out of the water! I did my best to go wide around him… last thing I needed was a DNF because of a seal attack!I kept moving, and before I knew it, I was pulling in to the beach. I pulled down on the front of my wetsuit to get a good scoop of water, and fumbled around for the zipper pull. I got the front down as I ran up the stairs to transition. There was the rest of the TNT crowd, waiting for the 8:30 start and cheering me on.

I got to my bike, and mounted up. The first lap felt great… I settled in to a good pace, hit the right gear, and settled in to my aero bars. As the 100-yard climb at the turnaround approached, I dropped the gears, made the turn, and headed downhill. Quickly I was back in a higher gear, and in the aeros again. I heard the announcer call my name as I made the turn, and I flew out on to the second lap. Made the turn again, and then started feeling something rough… I looked down and noticed my front tire going flat. “OK,” I thought to myself, “You know how to change a tire… get to it!” The road and my tires were wet, and it was drizzling. I pulled the tube out, checked the tire, got the new tube in, re-seeded the tire, and filled it with a CO2 cartridge. Within a half a mile, I felt it going down again. As I pulled to the side, I uttered a few choice words, my frustration becoming evident. Someone came running up to me – it was a TNT coach from the Silicon Valley Chapter. He helped me with the tire, and gave me a tube. I was back on the road. Two flats on one lap… Seriously, is this real? All of a sudden, my goal went from “Break 3 Hours” to “Finish the Race!!!”

I got on my way, and made the turn to begin lap 3. Half way up, you guessed it… flat tire #3! My last tube, and my last CO2 cartridge. Boy if this goes, am I screwed. Make the turn, half way back, and it’s flat again!!! I started walking my bike back, and a SAG person saw me – “Wait there! I’ll be right over!” he yelled. We checked the tire again, and found that which had eluded me on the prior three… A small, pointed rock – barely bigger than a big grain of sand. “There’s your problem. You’ve just had your last flat. Finish the race strong!”

At that point, I took off. Made it back to the turn, and flew out. The tire held. Lap four… Leave it all on the course. Flawless. Nice and smooth, and back in to transition. I even felt cool enough to kick one leg over and roll the last 50 yards on one foot until I hit the brakes for the dismount line. In to transition, running shoes on, and out. A 10-k away from finishing. I passed my wife as I made my way to the run course, and she yelled “How many laps?” “Three!” I yelled back.
And then, I got worried… See, my wife is 8 months pregnant, and was warned by the doctor to “take it easy, or the baby may come early.” That was all I could think about during that first lap. When I saw her at the end of the first lap, all I could say was “Are you okay? Junior isn’t making his presence known, is he?” She said that she was fine, and simply forgot how many laps I had. I was relieved. Although the whole “wife going in to labor” thought would have certainly been a motivator to make me run faster…

Anyway, I kept pushing on, making sure to shout words of encouragement to my teammates as I saw them. One of my buddies caught me from behind, gave me a pat on the back and said “Nice job, man. First beer’s on me tonight. Keep it up!” That was all the motivation I needed.Two more laps, and I was done. With the exception of a bit of a cramp in my quad and a little twinge in my achillies tendon, there really is not much to say about the run… just “I did it.” And after all the issues I had on the bike, it made the picture of me crossing the finish line all the more worth it.

And all I can think of right now is how excited I am for next year’s race.

After the race, I caught up with my teammates, rode back to the hotel, and rested while watching the Michigan – Notre Dame game. At 5:30, it was on to the victory party, and assorted silliness for the evening. Also known as “Fourth Event.” In my old non-barhopping age, I'm still wrestling with how much Jagermonster shots cost. But alas, what a great evening.

Stay tuned for my next misadventure into the world of parenting. That's right... Junior gets here in about a month!!! More to come...

Sit tight... Race report's coming...

2009-09-14T18:34:00.001-07:00

Yeah, I know... I'm slow to update this. I've been busy. Here are some pics to tide you over...

Slow to update...

2009-08-09T15:20:00.001-07:00

Well, here I am again on a Sunday finally having some time to update...

Training is going well. I had my second open water swim in SF Bay. By no means am I an expert, but I felt right at home in the open cold water. I find it easier to swim for half an hour in the ocean in a wetsuit than going for 15 minutes in a pool. key point: buoyancy.

Had a couple of weeks of bricks (bike/run/bike/run/bike/run)... those headwinds at Alameda kill ya... you head out and you're doing 24 miles an hour with no effort... and on the way back in you're straining to do 15!

I had some calf problems, which made it difficult to run... but I worked out the kinks, and running feels great again.

So how am I feeling for the big day? Pretty good. I look at it from two perspectives:
1. I can ride a bike for 60 miles and feel great. Translation, a total of 31.93 swim/bike/run miles on race day will be no sweat. This is where I'm going to be sure to make up plenty of time on the course. PG is an easy bike course - and training on hills makes me faster on the flats.
2. If I can just watch my run, make sure I stay hydrated, have an extra Gu, and just keep a nice pace, 9:30 miles will be easy.

Thank you to all who have supported me thus far!!!

LIVESTRONG Ride and a general update...

2009-07-24T11:51:00.000-07:00

This is a long one… Sit back, relax, and have a nice slow read.

Wow… I’m a slacker. A week and a half has come and gone since I completed the LIVESTRONG ride, and I’ve been either so busy or so exhausted, I haven’t had the time to post anything.

Let me give you a quick update… The Livestrong ride was 65 miles, starting at 7:30 in downtown San Jose. We finished at 1:30 in the afternoon, on the nose. Yeah, I know – that’s not terribly fast for 65 miles. I looked at my bike computer though, and our actual riding time was about 4:55. Then why 6 hours? Well, they had rest stops about every 10 miles. We were doing this for fun – not to race. We stopped at them. We took pee breaks. At one of them, I had my front hub adjusted. We reapplied sunscreen to our noses and ears. We made sure our water bottles were full. In any event….

65 miles, just under 5 hours of riding time. Cool. The ride itself was fun… a course that, had I police support every time I rode, I would do every weekend. Nice flats where you can drop into the aeros and haul ass, and some pretty fun rollers and decent climbs through Los Gatos and Monte Sereno. Those came with some KILLER descents into South San Jose, where we had cars trying to keep up. I know my wreck was over a year ago, but I still tend to keep myself in check. Where some people were taking the curves on the descents at 35-40mph, I kept a much more relaxed 25-30. And that was fine with me. And then came Metcalf.

What can I say to describe the climb on Metcalf Road… Only that it was nastier than the climbs that me and Matt dealt with on Mines road. I don’t know why in god’s name anyone would subject themselves to this climb on a regular basis for fun. I have a triple crankset, and still wound up walking a third of it. The climb is a 13% grade for (depending on who you ask or what map you look at) 1.6 to 2.2 miles. And there really aren’t any flat spots to stop and rest at. You’re just going. And it seems like it is never going to end. Mind you, this was at about 40 miles in… And at the point where it is starting to get rather warm. I exerted more energy on this part of the ride than the previous 40 miles – and at one point every bit of salt in my body just expelled itself into my eyes. I had to stop 3 times (getting started again was not fun) to wipe my eyes so I could see. Now – the descent made it entirely worth it. And the ice at the water stop was even better. The only thing that sucked is that there was another climb just like it (only half the distance) about 2 miles after the water stop!!!

Anyway, long story short, the rest of the ride was pretty smooth… a few rollers that started to hurt – but all in all good fun. The only part that sucked was when I literally hit EVERY stoplight along the last 4 miles. I was getting pissed. When I finally finished, I crossed the finish line with both hands in the air. Shocked I didn’t bite it.

Anyway, it was a blast, and I can’t wait to do it next year again. Maybe I’ll even do the 100 miler. And what’s even better is that Scott is still here and was able to do it with me. Thanks buddy.

Anyway, on to the general tri training here… because I owe you all an update on that front.

Last weekend was the team’s first open water swim. In San Francisco Bay. Yeah, I know… sounds terrible… but really, it’s not. We did this at Aquatic Park beach, which is at the end of Van Ness… For sighting whilst in the water, the “GHIRARDELLI” sign is a good marker. For whatever reason, the water wasn’t nearly as cold as I would think it should have been. The one thing that I did recall from last year was the crappy visibility. Hawaii, this was not.

Anyway, I remember my first open water swim… I freaked out. Cold ass nasty lake, eww. Coach Darren talked me down from that one, and I made sure to thank him again (a year and a half later), because I couldn’t wait to jump in the water here!

Another thing… by no means do I consider myself an “expert” nor a “seasoned triathlete”; so don’t think I’m passing judgment on anyone here… It was nice to see that no one really panicked about jumping in the water… The most frustrating part of the day was frankly the instruction on how to put on the wetsuits. Yes – from my experience, a tri suit fits VERY differently than a surfing wetsuit. And Yes – they are tricky to get on. And Yes, if you’ve never put one on before (or if this is only the second time you’ve put yours on in the last eight months) you will probably need a buddy to give you a wetsuit wedgie. But honestly folks, the concept of the wetsuit isn’t rocket science… let Coach give his demo on how to get in the suit, THEN ask questions. Let’s not dwell on the specifics of where to apply the Body Glide for 15 minutes before coach can even get his feet into the suit…

Anyway, once we FINALLY got in the water, we did a quick 1/3-1/2 mile; which felt good… I love swimming in a wetsuit – you just float… then it was off for a run in SF. Running felt good. I don’t know why. It never has before, but all of a sudden in these last two weeks, it has started to “click.” Pounded out about 4 miles, and that was it for the day. I am also trying something new with my running shoes – cornstarch (to dry my wet feet), and no socks. I’m up to 4 miles with no socks. But 4 miles and 1 foot – that’s when the blisters start (yes… I had a blister as I took off my shoes and went back in to the flip flops).

Bricks (Bike/Run) have felt good. I’m excited to be on to bricks instead of just the track workouts. I can never get enough saddle time. Maybe I should just start thinking about centuries. Alameda was rough though on Wednesday. It was nice because I spent basically the entire time in my aeros… Heading out, I didn’t drop below 22mph; heading in, I struggled to maintain 14mph. Headwind anyone?

Anyhoo, there’s the longwinded update for now… Saturday is the Del Valle Duathlon (1-mile swim in a nasty ass lake, followed by a 5k run), andSunday we’re riding 3-Bears. Good times. I promise to make the next post more timely, so you can be assured that I wasn’t eaten by a mutant ill-tempered widemouth bass nor carried off by a nuclear algae bloom.

Till next time…

b

Metcalf Road, here I come...

2009-07-10T21:26:00.001-07:00

Sunday is my 65-mile ride for the Lance Armstrong Foundation's LIVESTRONG Challenge.

Why, might you ask, am I doing this? My friend Reisa put together a team. She had a hell of a fight to get through her cancer ordeal, and now she's in the clear. While she and a number of friends are doing the walk, we were able to recruit my buddy Scott to do the ride with me. It's going to be a blast... We're not in this for time - just two old friends having a nice (long) Sunday bike ride. With a nasty climb in the middle. The descents will make it all worth it. I'll take a picture at the top.

By the way, Scott is also a survivor... 7 years this month.

Reisa, Scott, this one's for you.

Metcalf, we will own you.

More after the ride...

more pre-6 am fun at the oakland airport

2009-06-29T05:30:00.000-07:00

Hi ho, hi ho! It's off to the OC I go... But not without dealing with the geniuses in line at OAK. Last time I posted about the airport, a woman was confused as to why she couldn't check her bag at the self check by the door...

Today:
TSA Agent (after x-ray): "Ma'am, is this your bag?"

Lady (confused): "Yes."

TSA Agent (searching bag, removing box containing set of steak knives): "I'm going to have to check your bag, or confiscate these."

Lady: "Oh. Why?"

TSA: Ma'am, did you put these in here?"

Lady: "Yes. Why do I need to check my bag? Will I still make my flight?"

TSA: "Ma'am, you can't pack knives in your carry on bag. We need to have it checked."

Lady: "Oh. Really?"

TSA: "Yes..."

Lady: "Oh. I knew that. Sorry."

Really? Seriously? wtf?

Training Update

2009-06-27T11:49:00.001-07:00

Well, for those playing along at home, I guess it's time that I get back to the original reason that I started this blog... My misadventures in to the world of Triathlon.

Back up to February '08, when I started training for my first tri with Team in Training and got hooked. Fast forward again to June '08 when I did it again for Pac Grove. And fast forward again to now... and you may find yourself saying "Geez - you're doing it again????"

Yes, that's right... I'm doing it again. The Triathlon at Pacific Grove is coming up on September 12, and once again I'm raising money for the Leukemia & Lymphoma Society with Team in Training. Please help out by making a donation via my website:

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/pactri09/bfargo

Why do I do this? Sure, there are the selfish reasons - to get in shape, to meet some people, to accomplish something for bragging rights, and because there is no better feeling in this world than hearing your name called out at the finish line among thousands of people cheering you on as you finish.

But why else? Well, it's pretty simple. Cancer sucks. I lost three grandparents to cancer between 8 and 19 years ago. And now I have two friends who stared it down, and are here today. Let me elaborate:

My buddy Scott and I have been friends since we were freshmen in high school. When we were 22, Scott was diagnosed with Hodgkins disease. Fortunately, it was early on, and he beat it pretty easily (well, if you can call beating cancer "easy."). Two years after, at 24, he was diagnosed with an unrelated case of non-hodgkins lymphoma. After a hell of a year, including a bone-marrow transplant, he was again in the clear at 25. In May of this year, Scott turned 32. Come July, he's looking at 7 years cancer free.

My friend Reisa was diagnosed with liver cancer about 2 years ago when her son was born. She had a tough fight, but she pulled through. Shortly thereafter, it looked like the cancer was coming back... Reisa is just this ball of positive energy - and she immediately adopted the attitude "I have cancer. It doesn't have me." A couple of weeks ago, her latest scan came back all clear. She is officially in remission!

That is why I do this. Scott, Reisa, you guys are my inspiration. Whenever I think I can't run that last mile, I think of you guys - and it gets me there. LIVESTRONG. GO TEAM!

By raising money for LLS (http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/pactri09/bfargo) I'm helping to fund research so that one day, other people won't have to go through what they went through. Please make a donation to help out... Or if you can't grasp the idea of funding research, think of it as "Making a donation so that I never have to see Fargo in spandex again!"

On to the training update...
Things are going well... I'm doing my best to keep up with the 6-day a week program. The bicycling is obviously the most fun (and "easiest") part for me. I love to ride. Put me on my bike (road or trail), and it's go time. Some people say that a 25-mile ride is a long way... In my mind, that's a fun ride. 50 miles is a great Saturday!

My swims are getting better. I'm learning to better use my core to pull me through my stroke, and just glide. I burn less energy, get twice the distance on a stroke, and actually swim faster. Now the challenge is keeping that up for 1,500 meters.

Running is a challenge. Running is a sport meant for the beautiful people. I, on the other hand, have the body of a 185-pound beer guzzler. In other words, it hurts. My knees, my shins, and sometimes (when my shoes aren't broken in), my feet. I have no hope of ever running a four-minute mile. On Wednesday, I discovered I have shin splints. Some stretching (constantly... so if you see me at my desk without my shoes on, that's what I'm doing), and finally pulling out that new pair of running shoes from under my bed, and I'm doing fine. The thing about shin splints is that they're a pain in the ass (well, shin, literally); you can't do anything about it. You just have to push through the pain. And when you're running hills, it hurts.

But all in all, things are going well. One thing that I am working on is pacing myself as I run. Now, I don't run fast - but I tend to overexert myself. See, think about exertion on a scale of 1-10, with 1 being the casual stroll down the hall to the bathroom, and 10 being an all-out 100 yard sprint, where by the end you're panting and can't muster more than a 4-letter word. My goal is to maintain myself at a 5-6 level for the distance of the race. At that level, I can carry on a conversation - albeit with some heavy breathing. Right now, I have that tendency to either be at a 2 or an 8 (or so it feels). It can be discouraging at times... My buddy (and TNT Mentor) Matt, for example can absolutely dust me on a run, and not even be breathing heavy. Matt is also gearing up for an Ironman, so maybe it's not a fair comparison. But I learn every time I watch him.

In any event, last year's time at Pac Grove was 3:09:39. My goal this year: 2:59:99. How am I going to do this? Well, the easy part is by sticking with the training. In more detail though:

- Knock a couple minutes off the swim.
- KILL the bike. I intend to start this year's race with my age-group wave. That way, there are fewer people on the course. I also plan to make good use of my aero bars. This allows me to tuck down and just cruise, and cheat the wind a little bit. Does it really work? Yes. Think about this... on a still day, on a nice flat cruise, by riding on the hoods or in the drops, I can keep up an 18-20mph pace for a decent distance. Drop into the aeros, and that goes up to 21-23 miles an hour. (Note... the aeros are also in pretty convenient position for when you've got to launch a snot rocket).
- Run the entire 10k. Take some salt tablets and more calories. This will prevent the cramps that I got in my quads last year around mile 3 that had me walking a bit more than I wanted to.

Okay... I think I'm rambling a bit here, so I'll call it quits for now... Stay tuned - I'll update as training progresses.

Farewell, Old Friend...

2009-06-22T21:13:00.000-07:00

Yeah, I know what you're thinking... Don't worry... no one died.

I had a bit of a bittersweet weekend. First off, I'll just throw it out there - with the baby on the way, and knowing that she is going to be losing her company car, Alli and I bit the bullet and bought a new SUV... The four-door, drives like a car, push-button electronic everything kind of SUV that will survive kids puking in it, trips to tahoe, field trips, hauling kid stuff around, you know the one... Feel free to throw a rock at me if you ever see the "My child was an honor student at _______." (Please note: that does NOT apply if you see the "My child was inmate of the month at _____ Juvenile Detention Facility.")

Anyway, now on to the sad part... In order to make that responsible adult decision to buy the new car, I had to bid farewell to Vanessa, my beloved Chevy Blazer. I had that truck for almost seven years to the day. She was the most durable, reliable, invincible truck ever. I drove her in to the ground from day one, and she never let me down. There isn't much that can make me cry... but I will admit that I had to choke back a tear as I jump started her (she had sat in the driveway for the last three months) that last time, and again as I handed the title and keys over to the dealer.

I drove her off the lot with 47 miles on the clock, and traded her in with about 102,500. Let's get some highlights of just where those miles came from...

- Countless trips to Mom & Dad's in A-town...

- Engagement...

- Marriage...

- A move from Santa Clara to Pleasanton, and then to Oakland...

- Six months of daily commuting from Oakland to Santa Clara...

- Two years of weekly wine country visits...

- A nervous puppy pooping in the back whilst being left alone for ten minutes...

- Thousands of gallons of gas...

- Two sets of very expensive tires...

- Two fuel pumps (okay... that was my fault)...

- One New Year's FOURTEEN HOUR DRIVE TO RENO... followed by a hung-over TEN HOUR DRIVE HOME...

- Several Friday Tahoe runs on the way to Reno...

- I can't even count how many other trips to Tahoe; although three stand out in my memory:

Me, Ryan and Dad the day after Corey & Mer's wedding, when we were hung over as shit and Dad was nipping root beer schnapps out of a flask in the back seat. We had to buy tire chains just in case...
A trip up earlier this year with James when we drank until four in the morning and then made a feeble attempt to ride with a hangover mirroring Dante's third circle of hell... (noticing a pattern here...)
The last trip in February, where Dana attempted to strangle Ryan with the seatbelt. "102,000 miles and no problems, I meet you for five minutes and you're trying to kill my car!!!" (Note: The car survived Dana's wrath just fine.)

- Red Blazer Merlot (I still have the painting Alli did in my viewbicle at work).

I can really go on about that truck for days. She was tough to drive if you didn't know what you were doing... She was built like a truck and drove like a truck. She may have rattled, but she ran solid. The brakes probably need to be replaced soon, so I guess it's all for the best. I can only hope that the dealer finds someone who will appreciate her charms just as much as I did...

Here's to you, Old Friend... We had some great times...

Bob's your uncle, Snap snap, grin grin say n'more, Erin go bragh!

2009-06-06T13:27:00.000-07:00

Well, I've done it. I've finally gone to Europe. Alli and I spent two weeks between England and Ireland (i.e. two countries in Europe where I can (sort of) understand what people are saying, and they seem to like Americans!). It was awesome. That said, I kind of feel like I'm in detox right now... I averaged 5 pints a day; and we ate way too much... Anyway, I'll post more details of the trip when I get the pix uploaded; but in the meantime, just to keep you all entertained, I came up with a list of random observations. Please realize - none of these are complaints - just things I saw as a wide-eyed first timer in England and Ireland. Alli gets co-author credit for these:

LONDON:
1. Yes, the taxis in London really do look like that.
2. They surf in England. And kiteboard. No shit. In Bournemouth, on the south coast. Very nice town - and even though that was the ONLY day it pissed rain on us, I would definitely return (Thanks Malc & Anne!).
3. Restaurant service in London sucks.
4. It is MATERIALLY cheaper to buy single beers at the bodega by the hotel as opposed to in the pubs. Yeah, I know "Duh..." but in Ireland, a sixer of Guinness cans is close to 14 Euro...
5. Starbucks closes early, and opens late... and sometimes not at all.
6. The Tube rules. BART, take note... I never waited for a train for more than 2 minutes ANYWHERE we were going, at ANY TIME of the day.
7. The music that the band plays with the changing of the guard sounds more like a halftime show than a serious military ritual.
8. I never thought I would willingly pay to enter a church. I've been more than willing to pay to leave - but never to get in...
9. I couldn't find Tetley's on tap (or anywhere for that matter). But Stella and Carlsberg (a/k/a expensive piss water) and Budweiser were all over the fucking place!
10. Unfortunately, there are no cute little barmaids who will say "Nutha pint fo' ye' luv?" or "Polish ye boots for ye, guv'nr?"
11. "Bacon" is what we in the states refer to as "Ham." It even tastes like ham. "Streaky Bacon" is what we in the states refer to as "Bacon."
12. Beef and Ale pie is widely served. It is like a turkey or chicken pot pie, except it is good. Really good. Tasty.
13. Based on the weiner armor, Henry VIII had feelings of inadequacy.
14. Cops don't wear the bobby hats you think they do.
15. When you go in to a toy store and ask for a "bobby hat," they think you're asking for a "Barbie Hat" in a really bad British accent.
16. You can't find those fucking bobby hats anywhere within the London city limits. Even at the roadside tourist souvenir stands.
17. When you do find the fucking things, they are VERY cheap. Even when you factor in the Pound to Dollar exchange rate.
18. A Hard Rock Cafe burger is a Hard Rock Cafe burger. HRC rules. Worldwide.
19. Done right, like at a pub, and served piping hot, Fish & Chips is really good.
20. It may be touristy as all hell, but the London Eye is really cool.
21. Having grown up with a clock at home playing the Westminster Chimes, I didn't even notice when Big Ben rang.
22. "Cream Tea" is not what it sounds like. It is fresh cream on a scone with jam, and it tastes like a HEAVILY frosted cupcake.
23. London has amazing, reasonably priced Indian food.
24. No one is actually FROM London... The majority of people we encountered were French or Indian.
25. I don't get cricket.

IRELAND
1. There is not a pub on every corner. Unless you're in Temple Bar or on the Irish side of Kilkenny.
2. Real Irish pub music is not the stuff we know. They hate playing Whiskey in the Jar, Fields of Athenry, and Molly Malone. And probably everything else you hear the drunk tourists singing along to.
3. The Irish are very friendly.
4. Cabbies rule. Catch the right one, and he'll talk your ears off.
5. Guinness DOES taste better in Ireland.
6. Irish stew is really good. And filling.
7. Irish soda bread rules. Especially with fresh butter.
8. I am pleased to say that I ONLY saw two Starbucks in Ireland. One that was barely noticeable on Grafton Street in Dublin, and one at the airport.
9. Irish women (in the 18-35 age group) are absolutely stunning. Alli would say the same about the men.
10. They love Budweiser. Maybe we in the States take it for granted (as they do with Guinness) - but seriously?
11. A sixer is about 13 Euro. That's about $18.50.
12. A pint will generally run you 5 to 6 Euro. That's $7-8.50. That's football game prices.
13. Food is really expensive. Even in pubs.
14. With the exception of the American and Canadian tourists, damn near everyone is actually Irish.
15. Most times, when addressing a crowded room, a person will say "Anyone from England here? No? OK - Good."
16. Note to self: Don't drink Murphy's anymore. Heineken bought them. I'm predicting a dip in quality, and an increase in skunkiness.
17. Although Stella wasn't nearly as rampant, WTF with all the Carlsberg?
18. I don't get rugby... but it's fun to watch.
19. I don't get hurling... but it's fun to watch. (ed. note - no, I don't mean puking...)
20. Duty free liter of Jack: 23 Euro ($32). Duty free fifth of Jameson: 12 Euro ($17). Guess which one I bought.
21. Jameson isn't cheaper at the distillery. Guinness isn't cheaper at the brewery.
22. Only the tourists buy the green leprechaun stuff.
23. For such a catholic country, there are a lot of protestant churches.
24. St. Paddy's day and the monday after Easter are national holidays. Take note, America...
25. In the US, when a woman's jeans are riding a little too low, we see whale tail. In Ireland, plumber crack.
26. I didn't (fortunately) see any "ugly American tourists," but I did hear a group Oprah's core demographic discussing the wonderful beers and hoping that the cans they were bringing home didn't open in their suitcases (HELLO, BevMo????). Morons.
27. Corned beef & cabbage is not done the way we know it in the states. And it is really fucking good.

COMMONALITIES:
1. Lots of smokers. Not nearly as bad as I thought it would be; and like the US, you can't smoke in bars... but lots of smokers. And Denis Leary would be proud - The warnings on the packs are bigger!!!
2. Mayonnaise is not a condiment. It is a main ingredient.
3. Vegetables? Salad? Although maybe they're on to something... No whiny vegetarians...
4. Those damn air hand dryers are everywhere. And the only ones that work worth a damn are the Dysons.
5. No ass gaskets. On the flipside, it seems fewer people piss on the seat. Or if they do, they clean it up.
6. Although England made the original series "The Office," they are two seasons behind on the US version.
7. They love Obama. At least the Irish do... Everyone was asking us what we thought.
8. Castles are very cool. It is amazing that something built 500 to a thousand years ago with no power tools is still standing solid today; but many of the "upscale" housing developments in CA lose their stucco after a year.
9. "Cheers" = Irish. "Lovely" = English.

That's it for now... I hope this keeps you all sufficiently entertained.

Suck it, tree huggers...

2009-05-18T17:01:00.000-07:00

Why I will not buy a hybrid (thanks, Mike):

http://www.timesonline.co.uk/tol/driving/jeremy_clarkson/article6294116.ece?token=null&offset=0&page=1

Why I love to ride...

2009-05-17T15:30:00.000-07:00

I went for a 40-mile ride this morning. Yes, in the heat. I took my usual Camino Tassajara route from Walnut creek, through Danville, and in to Dublin. I made a pit stop at Peet's to get more water, and some ice. About 10 minutes after that, it was melted, and my water and gatorade were well on their way to being nasty warmness again.

But that is not the point of this post. I'm generally not one to get all "The world would be a better place if..." here - but I feel the need to do so today.

When you're riding, it is common to wave, nod, or give some kind of an acknowledgment to cyclists you see going the other way. Motorcyclists do it too - kind of a "Hey buddy - you're not the only one out here!" Of course, I follow suit - and if I'm down in my aeros, I give the double "thumbs up" to the folks on the other side. But, I digress.

About 13 miles in, I got a flat tire. I heard it go, and slowed down - as to avoid any massive blowouts. As I was getting a new tube and a CO2 charger from my seat pak, another cyclist stopped to make sure I was OK, and asked if I needed any help. I said that I was all good, and thanked him for asking. I do the same thing when I see other riders down. About two miles down the road, it dawned on me... As a cyclist, even when you're riding solo, you've got a whole other gang of folks that are willing to stop and help you out.

Wouldn't the world be a better place if we operated like this every day, and not just when we're out on the road?

OK... I'll get off my soapbox now.

Wildflower Review and good god it's been a long time since I've posted!

2009-05-16T14:50:00.000-07:00

Well, my second Wildflower is in the books... Sorry it's taken me so long to post the review. For the ADD crowd, here are my splits:

Total: 1:29:50
Swim: 9:38:00
T1: 4:03
Bike: 51:41
T2: 2:19
Run: 22:07

Did I beat last year's time? Well, no. But I finished within a minute of it... Am I upset by this? Absolutely not. Why, you may ask? Because I really didn't train. I mean, yeah, I trained pretty hard for PacGrove in September, and I really kept up my cycling; but I didn't even get in a pool until two weeks before the event. Hell, I hadn't even put on my wetsuit since September (and I must admit it was pretty amusing trying to get it on in the motorhome to make sure it still fit)!

Before I go in to the race report, here are a few things I learned:

1. (MOST IMPORTANT) I have successfully maintained my fitness at a level that I can, basically on a whim, go out and complete a (challenging) sprint distance triathlon.

2. I need to work on my running.

3. It's still fun, and there is (almost) no better feeling than hearing the announcer call your name as you cross the finish line! That's why I do this.

On to the weekend report:
I got in early on Friday morning. Dad had been there all week, ensuring that we had an RV spot with hook-ups. What does this mean? Instead of a tent, I had my own little hotel. Which was great, with the exception of Dad snoring. When I arrived, I took off on my bike to see Ryan and the SD crew. We caught up for a bit, and I went back to the RV to eat. At about noon, I went with him and his crew down to the lake for a swim. It had been a while since I had been in open water, so I wanted to make sure I didn't panic like I did in my first swim last year. I had foregone the wetsuit (so as not to have a wet one in the morning); and the water was a bit chilly. Worse than that, it was nasty - some kind of nuclear algae bloom. A quick out & back, and I was done - just happy to get out of the nasty water.

We got our packets, browsed the festival, and got some food. We hiked back up the hill, and I hung out at the RV and waited for my folks to arrive. As I was dozing off, I heard them pull up. I got my mountain bike off of the rack, and gave it a once-over, making sure everything was cleaned up and functional. Rode up to the front gates to get a free Avia visor, and then came back to keep hydrating and get ready for pasta (carbo loading). My Mom (as usual, thankfully) was busy making snacks. I cooked up some chicken tortellini and pesto, and down comes Ryan, beer in hand. After chatting for a bit, and eyeing his beer, I said "Fuck it - he's doing the long course - I can have a beer," and cracked open an icy cold Bud Light.

Race morning, I woke up well rested at about 6:30 - my wave didn't go off until 9:48. That said, I wanted to get a good breakfast, and get everything into transition before the madness started. I hung out and warmed up, and even got to yell for Ryan as he came out of T1. At about 9:30, I was down at the water, getting loose, and used to the temperature. At 9:48, the gun went off, and I was on my way.

The first half of the swim was uneventful. As I made the turn, I looked at my watch, and noticed that it was only at 4 minutes! I was excited because I was well on the way to killing last year's swim. But then I hit the crowds...

Now, I'm all for safety, and like many people, I'm doing this for fun... But I ran in to four guys backstroking that I burned a lot of energy trying to get around. I finally made it out, and like usual struggled to get my wetsuit down. I took it easy getting to transition, so as not to get out on the bike exhausted. Caught my breath, helmet, shoes, bike, shades, Go!

I took off through the chute, and on to the course. I was feeling good, and negotiated the first hill while still in my big chainring. I flew along, until I hit the bottom of the big descent, which was met with a seemingly endless 2+ mile climb. Since it was on the road, I kept my cadence up (thanks, Coach Paul!), and didn't burn up. I hit the top, where there was an aid station, and a fun descent on a fire road. 20+ on dirt rules - what a rush. Back on to the course for the second lap, and back to that climb. Once I finished that, it was on to another climb, and then the descent down Lynch Hill. One of the best parts of that course is that descent... It is awesome hitting nearly 40 miles an hour - but terrifying when you hear what sounds like a jet engine as some of the faster long coursers jet by you at over 50. I kicked out of my clips near transition, dismounted without incident, and headed in to transition. Just two miles separated me from an ice cold beer.

My hamstring was a little tight - I did something playing softball that I just couldn't work out; but I stuck it out. The hills were not fun - and even running through my neighborhood wasn't quite enough preparation. Note to self: TRAIN. The coolest part of the run was the last quarter mile... there were a bunch of Poly kids handing out beers to people who ran by. I passed them up, wanting to ensure that I made a nice clean finish. Around the curve, and down the chute, I could see the finish line. DONE!!!

Mom and Dad were there, sadly without a beer - so I went back to the Poly kids and asked if their offer still stood. I got the last one. We went over to check the festival out, and have more beer. I remembered the four I had in my transition bag at that point. Somehow or another, I conned my folks in to lugging my bike back up the hill, and I went back to enjoy my beers. After those and some Gatorade were gone, I headed back to camp. Had some lunch, talked about the race with my folks, and relaxed. My dad wants to do the race next year. He was going to this year, were it not for a herniated disc in his neck. But he's feeling better now, and getting back on the bike. Next year should be a hoot.

Dad and I headed down to the course again to meet Ryan at the finish with a cold one... As luck would have it, IBB kicked in and I was in the pisser when he crossed. That said, we were still his official recovery beer supplier.

From there, it was back to the festival, back up the hill AGAIN, and off to the RV for dinner. And more beer. 6:00 came early on Sunday; but I was glad to get out before they closed the roads. And then it was off to home.

So there's the somewhat abbreviated race report... I've re-upped for Team in Training for Pac Grove - so stay tuned for some more (hopefully) frequent updates from that front...

Till next time...

more airport fun...

2009-04-15T06:24:00.000-07:00

So I'm waiting for a flight to OC and posting this on my crackberry...

I checked in for my southwest flight yesterday, but didn't print my boarding pass. So I get to the self check-in machine by the security line to print my pass and hurry up and wait. The following is a transcript of the conversation between me and a woman at the machine next to me. I shit you not - I can't make this stuff up...

Woman: "Excuse me, why can't we check in with bags here?" (She had two medium sized roller bags standing next to her).

Ben: (confused as to how he appears to be airport staff to this stranger) "Seriously?"

Woman: "Yes. Why can't I check bags here?"

Ben: "Ummm... Probably because you need to give the bags to an agent, and they work at the ticket counter and not by the self check?"

Woman: "Really? That sucks - how inconvenient."

Ben: "First time at an airport?" (Walking away...)

Yeah... Are we doomed as a species???

Slicin'?

2009-04-09T21:01:00.000-07:00

I went to the driving range after work. For the first time in a very long time, I can honestly say that there is not a single new piece of golf equipment that I need nor want. For the first time in a VERY long time, I wasn't uncontrollably slicing. Things I learned today:

1. Love my Callaway FT5.
2. Love my Callawa X fairways.
3. Perhaps not picking up a club for the last 3 months wasn't a bad thing.
4. Forget everything you ever knew about golf. Relax.
5. Just swing. Don't try to kill it.

A little Fargo is on the way...

2009-04-08T16:42:00.000-07:00

No, this isn't an April Fool's joke...

We're due in October.

No, I don't know if it's a boy or a girl. That information will be divulged (a) after we know, and (b) when we determine the time is right.

Yes, I still maintain that licenses should be required for breeding and raising children...

Yes, I still maintain that I would not qualify for said license. But I think Alli will balance out my incompetence.

No, you can't touch her belly. I'll kick your ass if I catch you trying.

No, I don't want your opinion on where I should send him/her to school. You get to opine when you're the one paying for it.

Yes, I hope that he/she goes to a state school so that I can actually afford college.

No, I will not be learning the latest Wiggles or Jonas Brothers songs. My kid can listen to real music, just like I did.

No, I'm probably not ready for it. No one ever is. No matter how much you plan.

No, I'm not worried about being a father. That's biological. I'm worried about being a dad - and seriously have my doubts about my ability to be half the dad that my dad is.

No, I don't know how to change a diaper. And I don't plan on learning until the last possible minute.

So it is official... I have about six months left to get in all the little stupid things I've been meaning to do, but just haven't gotten around to doing just yet. Vegas in July anyone?

Uncle Ben

2009-04-01T20:47:00.000-07:00

Please keep the rice comments to yourself.

I am now officially an uncle.

Congrats to Annie and Mike.

Welcome to the world, Joey.

- your weird ol' uncle Ben

Tri this out...

2009-03-29T20:09:00.001-07:00

Fine... go ahead and hit me for the lousy pun... Anyway, as I kind of swing in to my training for the Wildflower sprint, I came across this article posted to Facebook by several of my TNT friends.

http://health.yahoo.com/news/ap/med_triathlon_heart_risks.html

Go ahead... read it, and talk among yourselves for a few minutes.

I guess my short answer is "Gee... you did no research about what you're about to do, and just signed up? You have done no physical activity in the last ten years? No shit you stand a good chance of dying!!!"

And my more formulated, long-winded response (and I'm sorry that I lack Ryan's writing abilities):

Yes... Triathlons are much more dangerous than marathons if (a) you are swimming in shark infested waters, (b) swim in SF Bay or Monterey without a wetsuit (although if you train yourself for this, this too can be overcome), (c) don't train properly, or (d) flat out don't know how to swim... I belive that the article is focused on issue (c) as yes - people sign up for these things without knowing exactly what they're getting in to. Sometimes it comes as what is essentially a game of "flop-out." You start talking shit, someone calls you out, next thing you know you've bought two grand worth of equipment and you're up at 4:00 next Saturday and in the frigid water at 7:30. But, I digress...

If your issue is (d), my recommendation would be to not undertake the challenge.

The start of a triathlon is semi-controlled chaos... When starting a race, you will take a heel in the jaw, an elbow to the ribs, and probably a few kicks in places you'd rather not get kicked. The key is to determine how competitive you actually are. If you've never done one of these before, have no idea what to expect, and just want to "take it easy," and you're right in the middle of the pack, yeah - you're fucked. But if you recognize that there is no chance in hell that you're going to be able to set a new Ironman record, and let the really competitive crew get at the front and just take it easy getting in the water, you're fine. And frankly, if you're doing the kelp crawl through PG, hang back... It'll be nice letting everyone else cut a path for you.

The bike and running portions can be equally dangerous... Running simply because science has proven that it causes irreperable harm to your joints. I have a friend who was given the advice of a doctor to "Quit running. You weigh 205 pounds. Running is for people who weigh 130 or less." Which means that based on this particular quak- I mean - doctor's advice, the majority of America should not run. I disagree with this wholeheartedly, as you should see some of the fatasses that I do that could really benefit from at least a leisurely stroll around the block. (author's note: by no means am I one of the so-called "beautiful people." trust me... i've got 20 or 30 that i can drop... but i don't sit around with my face in a bucket of Ben & Jerry's watching fitness shows saying "I wish I looked like that.")

Cycling is by far the most fun of the three sports... However, I can see how this (outside of drowning) would be the most potentially dangerous. Let's exclude the possibility of being hit by a car, because that is almost always a killer (and the reason my wife does not like me biking). I have found that biking with a hangover is a bad idea. (Ryan, I would love to learn from you how you are able to pull this off so effortlessly). Especially when you don't realize you are hung over, and the hangover symptoms set in at around mile twelve. The last time I did this, I wound up with quite the case of road rash, a cracked helmet, and bruised ribs. (I guess I'm thankful that I didn't crack them). Fortunately, a new helmet was only $35, and there was no damage to my bike!

Now... Come race day, events are very safe - and frankly geared toward preventing deaths. Particularly on the swim and run portions. Swimmers may rest at one of the kayaks (or floating aids); but may not be advanced. They can throw in the towel (proverbially speaking) right then and there, if they're struggling so much with the swim that they can't go on. (Of course, if you bail on the swim, you're done for the day). USAT rules also prohibit participants from crawling across the finish line. This is because apparently when you are so beat down that you are crawling to the finish, you are literally about to die. One of my coaches was in an ironman distance several years ago where a participant died about a quarter mile from the finish. He had been crawling for about a hundred yards before that... The ambulance carried him across the finish line.

With that, I look forward to Wildflower in May!

Are tickets reimbursible business expenses? Or at least tax deductible?

2009-03-19T08:05:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, I was meeting a client in Berkeley for lunch to catch up. This is not something that I get to do frequently, as the bulk of my clients are all in Southern California. So it was nice to get out of the office, and actually catch up with a client face to face.

I was pleasantly motoring up 580, taking directions from my new Garmin Nuvi navigation system (chuckling from time to time at the charming British woman telling me to "Keep to the left - then keep to the right." What can I say- I'm easily amused.). Knowing that when I hit the 580 - 80 split, there is a 99.9% chance that I am heading to San Francisco, and despite the Garmin telling me to "Keep to the right," my mental auto pilot kicked in, and instead of going toward Emeryville/Berkeley, I was heading toward San Francisco; and specifically, toward the toll plaza at the Bay Bridge. I didn't even realize it until I saw the "Last Oakland Exit" sign and heard the Garmin say "Recalculating." I attempted to get over to the exit lane for (I think) Warren Avenue - the last OAK exit. Unfortunately, I moved too far right, and wound up in the Bus/HOV lane.

The nice CHP officer was standing outside of his car, directing me over as I came over the ramp.

I proactively handed him my license, registration, and proof of insurance, and apologized for my blunder, noting that I missed the turn, and was attempting to get over to the last exit.

He indicated to me that he was stopping me for driving in the HOV lane and Toll Evasion. Although he did not let me off scot-free, he did take mercy on my stupidity, and give me a verbal warning for Toll Evasion and not having a front license plate (for which I apologized and blamed "those darn neighborhood kids..."). I was cited for driving in the HOV lane - which is fortunately not a moving violation and will not be reported as a point on my driving record or to my insurance - but which is certainly more expensive than the $4 bridge toll and the two minutes of my time required to reattach my front license plate.

Once the nice officer was done with me, I called my client and explained my predicament. Despite having to drive all the way in to SF (the Treasure Island exit was closed), I managed to only be a half hour late for lunch. My client did get a good chuckle out of my misfortune. I felt better when I was driving back across the bridge, and saw three other cars in the same predicament that I found myself in not 15 minutes before.

So... How much is this going to cost me, I don't know. Although I'm not happy about it, I just can't help but laugh.

Inactivity, Travel, Inactivity, you get the point...

2009-03-09T18:40:00.001-07:00

I hate the rain. I mean, I know we need it, and rain at home means snow in Tahoe, but it drives me nuts. We got in to this storm cycle, and there were a few nights where it was absolutely pissing rain. Loud. Like loud enough to wake me up and make me concerned as to whether or not the shingles on my roof were still in place. Of course, it's the middle of winter, so we decide that it is the ideal time to start a remodel on our back yard.

A few weeks ago, I returned from my Tahoe trip to a backyard that my buddy James described as "Lake Brookfield. It looked more to me like Brookfield Swamps. Mud everywhere. I tried to get a pump to suck it all out to the streets, but my shoes kept getting stuck. Ick. What a mess. (Although, the guys still got most of the stuff done... I'll send pics of the pavers later; and it looks awesome. Once we get the new lawn in, we're just about done). This leads to inactivity.

With all the rain, I haven't been on either of my bikes in a month and a half. It's making me cranky, and I'm going to have to bag the Solvang Century... No working out; doesn't make sense to do the ride. Oh well, on to Wildflower. There have been a couple of weekends where I could ride; but I had to help out with the yard.

I've been up since 4:30 today, and now I'm in LA. Only for one night, but man - it takes it out of you. I am exhausted.

Oof. I don't even have anything creative to say right now.

Seriously, I'm that bored.

2009-03-02T22:37:00.000-08:00

If my wife wasn't glued to the effing TV watching The Bachelor, I wouldn't be doing this. But what the hell... I haven't blogged for a while, so what's two entries in one night? So here we go... Stolen from my sis...

Speaking of wifey...

27 Things

What are your middle names?
Hers: Julie
Mine: Wells. No, I don't know what my parents were smoking.

How long have you been together?
Eight years as of January 31.

How long did you know each other before you started dating?
5 years. Since we were sophomores at SCU.

Who asked whom out?
I think she did. Maybe it was mutual.

How old are each of you?
31. We're two weeks apart.

Whose siblings do you see the most?
Mine. Biological or otherwise.

Which situation is the hardest on you as a couple?
Depends on the day of the week. She would probably say that I'm an impatient prick; I say that she puts her family before us. We work through it. That's why they invented beer.

Did you go to the same school?
We both went to Santa Clara University.

Are you from the same home town?
Nope. I am from Santa Clara, she is from Da Hood.

Who is smarter?
With two undergraduate degrees and an MBA, she is more educated. I think that we are each smarter in our own ways - and there are times when perhaps neither of us exercise common sense and logic in coming to a conclusion.

Who is the most sensitive?
Alli. Hands down. I am insensitive and proud of it.

Where do you eat out most as a couple?
Sushi Musashi, La Salsa, Hap's, the little Italian joint on the corner.

Where is the furthest you two have traveled together as a couple?
Aruba. And come May, England and Ireland.

Who has the craziest exes?
Not that either of us have many to speak of, but definitely her. To this day, her parents don't even know she was dating the dirtbag.

Who has the worst temper?
Me. By far. Like many of the Fargos, I have a short fuse.

Who does the cooking?
Depends. Mostly Alli during the week; but she doesn't touch my grill.

Who is the neat-freak?
Although I'm not particular, definitely me. I know where all of my tools are, and keep my workbench reasonably clean (the clutter in the garge right now is killing me). She, on the other hand, has so much crap in our room that I have not seen the top of her dresser or cedar chest in the 3.5 years we have lived here. And I don't know how she works at the desk (although she cleaned that today).

Who is more stubborn?Me. Hands down.

Who hogs the bed?

We kind of wind up in the middle, unless I'm pissed off. Then I huddle to the edge.

Who wakes up earlier?
Me. Even on weekends if it's clear. That way I can get in some miles before she even gets up.

Where was your first date?
Jillian's in San Francisco. And this was also where I proposed. She totally forgot that this was where we had our first date.

Who is more jealous?
Me. I remain convinced that frankly she spends more time with and can't keep a secret from her mother. (And seriously, the number of times a day those two call each other, you would feel the same way).

How long did it take to get serious?
Less than two weeks. Our relationship was "discovered" at Sarcone's birthday party. He said "When were you going to tell me about this?" (noting also that he had been working 80 hour weeks for the prior 2 weeks and we hadn't seen each other) I replied "Well, next time you came home, I guess..."

Who eats more?
Probably me.

Who does the laundry?
Alli. She hates the way I do the laundry.

Who's better with the computer?
Alli.

Who drives when you are together?
Generally me. So that (a) I can determine when to split and (b) so I get control of the stereo.

There you have it... 27 random facts about me and Alli that I'm sure you can all sleep better now that you know.

Weekend update and the Bachelor

2009-03-02T21:19:00.001-08:00

I got home from the OC on Friday, and wasn't in the best of moods. For whatever reason, there was a disconnect between me and whatever else was going on. Against my better judgment, I had a few too many pops. 7:00 came around really early. I didn't get a chance to go for a ride because James and his crew were there by 7:30 and rockin' on the back yard. He got the project going, got the trailer loaded up, and he and I were off to the dump. Now here's the pisser. We get to the dump, and they tell us that we have to put down a cash deposit of at least $150. Of course neither of us has cash on us (nevermind that in 3 years going to this dump, that's never happened). So we have to leave, pulling a trailer with a yard of dirt and sod in it, find an ATM, and go back. Then it's off to my own personal hell... the San Leandro Home Depot. (ed. note: it's just this home depot. the one in P-town or Santa Clara are fine... but this one... god help you). Then off to the lumber yard because (go figure...) HD didn't have any 16-foot 4-by-6es. And then across the street to get a yard of sand for the pavers.

At about 2, Alli and I had to go to a wedding. The first time in about 8 years that I don't bring a flask to a wedding, and they're only serving wine at the tables... which was still pretty tightly rationed... No buzz, no nothin'. And they were stingy on the meat.

Anyway, it started pissing rain on Sunday, just as I called James to let him know what the weather was looking like. Nonetheless, he and his crew were here, and our yard is ALMOST done (due to the rain, there are certain parts that still look like mud pits...). We would have been even farther along if the sixteen foot 4x6 wasn't four inches too short. Fuck. Another run to the lumber yard next weekend.

Anyhoo, tonight is the season finale of The Bachelor. I am firmly convinced that shows like this are the reason that the rest of the world hates us. I just don't get it. I'm talking to the ladies here... What the fuck is the fascination??? .

Let me see if I get it here:

24 women selling their souls, and willing to do anything (ANYTHING) to wind up with Prince Charming. On national television. Wow. Your parents must be proud.

Prince Charming, meanwhile, is baggin' them one by one, all the while convincing them that "They're the only one," and "I'm falling for you." Uh huh.

Newsflash... Every guy has used each of those lines at least once. When he has a pool of 24 to choose from, you're not the only one (although you may be at that moment). He's a guy. He'll be done with you and on to the next before he can even say "Don't let the door hit you in the ass on the way out!"

Another of my friends said "It's the drama. We love the drama." I thought women didn't want drama?

"Oh - it's so cute - he's a single dad with the most adorable three year old!" Look - I'm not questioning the man's parenting skills, and I give him credit where credit is due - it's important to be a dad to your kid. But seriously, if the kid is so cute and I were in his shoes, I'd be using him to pick 'em up left and right!

I saw him crying... My wife said "He does that a lot... He's sensitive, unlike someone I know." He's not sensitive - he's a pansy. What does that solve?

The whole premise of the show is that over these X number of weeks, he has the goal of meeting someone and getting engaged and marriage. Have we as a society really trivialized love, domestic partnership, and marriage? I mean, seriously - whether you believe in getting married or not, you can't just approach a commitment like that lightly - as if you're going to the store. I admit - I knew pretty early on that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with my wife - but nonetheless... I didn't plan it out... Look - if you want to plan out your life and commitments in your day planner, that's all well and good - just make sure you sign a pre-nup and have a good lawyer to back it up.

At least Bret Michaels has it right with his "Rock of Love Bus"... Taking 30 groupies on tour with your band. Right on. Call it what it is.

slowly fading fast...

2009-02-26T21:08:00.001-08:00

i feel like fight club. am i tyler durden? or am i the other guy? i just don't know right now. the last two weeks have been an absolute blur. it all started on the 11th, with a late night drive to tahoe, followed by four good evenings of heavy drankin' and four good solid days of riding. home on monday, back to work on tuesday, pick up the ol' lady at the airport on wednesday after a full day of sales training classes (not to mention every possible piece of shit hitting the fan that possibly could), back to more training on thursday, and a drive down to A-town in the evening. friday was met with an early am drive to fontana for the NASCAR race weekend; followed by a drive back to A-town on sunday night (for a 3:30am monday arrival). really didn't sleep much; did some work, and headed home. back to work tuesday and wednesday, and on a plane this morning to irvine. and hear i am. i'm so fucking tired i didn't even catch myself using the wrong "here" in the last sentence. anyway, it doesn't stop there, because my ass is going to be up at the crack of dawn on saturday helping with more work on our back yard, followed by a wedding in the afternoon for one of alli's colleagues. that's ok - insurance adjusters are the only professionals i know that can drink the bankers under a table. i really hope i can ride on sunday.

it's been so long i can't remember
getting kicked around like that...
if we all follow our dreams too late the easier it seems
but the truth, we are slowly fading fast.
--nufan

Shennanigans, Tomfoolery, Skullduggery, and General Douchebaggery

2009-02-07T21:24:00.000-08:00

I went to the mall today. It wasn't by choice, I went with Alli to run some errands, and some of them happened to be at the mall. The mall is not only a place of commerce, but a place for people to be "seen."

Let me address that.

I don't go to the mall to be "seen." I go to the mall to purchase goods, and go home. Some of the other folks around me, on the other hand, are there for other purposes. This brings me to the title of this post...

"Shennanigans and Tomfoolery with a bit of Skullduggery mixed in" is how I would describe a typical weekend with the guys. In other words, some good natured fun, assorted silliness, and a few stories at the end of it all. General Douchebaggery is how I describe a trip to the mall.

As I entered this mecca of consumerism, one loses touch with the fact that there is an economic recession going on. The stores and walkways were packed. I did my part to help the economy by purchasing a gift card and a Waterford goblet to replace the one that I broke at Christmas. But, I digress. Let me get in to the general douchebaggery. I should first preface this with the fact that I was at Stoneridge in Pleasanton. I should also reference Ryan's tirade On Fashion... I don't have the creative juices that he does to describe the goings on - but I'll try. To set the stage, I was wearing a Callaway fleece, jeans, sneakers, and a Notre Dame baseball cap (fitted, backwards... and it properly fits, thank you).

1. Please explain the baseball caps with flat bills that the kids wear these days. I am very choosy about my hats, and can't wear them if they don't fit correctly. Bonus points if you can explain the do-rags underneath the hats. Douchebag. It's always fun when you're looking at hats, and the guy in the store says "Oh, you're looking for REAL hats..."

2. Straighten out your hat. You don't look "cool," you look "special." Like the kind of "special" your mom used to use to describe the kid in the corner staring off in to space and drooling. Douchebag.

3. It's 70 degrees. The big parka is not necessary. Douchebag.

4. You're twelve. You don't need to be having a deep debate with your friend over which "cute thong" to buy at Victoria's Secret.

5. Sport coats. Now... I frequently wear a sport coat to work. I have also been known to don a sport coat with jeans, with a dress shirt. Kind of the "I wanted to go casual, but the wife made me dress it up a bit" look. A dark blue sport coat with a black T-shirt with an Ed Hardy design and grey slacks and tennis shoes does not make you look sophisticated. It makes you look like a (wait for it...) DOUCHEBAG. Nevermind the fact that your color scheme doesn't work (and you know it's bad if I - who still asks his wife every morning if I match - am commenting on your color matching skills.

6. Do you little douchebags know who Ed Hardy is? Rewind a few years, and I would have been asking "Do you know who Von Dutch is?" Douchebag.

7. Put your kid on a leash and tell him to be quiet. His acting out is not "expressing himself," it is a cry for attention. Get off the fucking cell phone and pay attention to him.

8. No, I don't want a free 10-minute facial massage, to try a new loofah, real horse-hair extensions or a new moisturizing cream. Stop groping me. Douchebag. (I do actually feel sorry for the folks that have to bug people from the kiosks in the mall).

9. Bluetooth headsets are a tool so you can talk on the phone in the car. They are handy - I use one. That said, they are not a fashion accessory; and walking around with that thing in your ear makes you look like, yes, you guessed it, a douchebag. And when you're just walking around talking on it, people are likely to think you are schizophrenic - not important.

10. Pull up your pants.

The list goes on and on. I just don't get it. I never will. I guess I'm just never going to be "cool." But at least I don't look like a douchebag.

Been Busy....

2009-02-02T21:41:00.000-08:00

Well, I was just looking at the ol' blog, and saw that I haven't posted in a couple of weeks. Wow. The last few weeks have flown by, we are now in to the second month of 2009, and already I'm wondering where it went!!! Let me bring you up to speed.

First and foremost, my sister, Mike and baby Joey are doing well. Joey isn't here yet (end of March); but he's progressing well and they're excited. Alli will be hosting a baby shower for her, and me, Mike and Dad will go to the bar and hang that day.

Alli was in Phoenix for a week, and stayed out to hang with Cara. I went down and helped my dad do the bathroom floor at his shop. That was a 3-day weekend. I went in to work on the Monday to catch up on things.

It's a tough economy right now, but I am still employed. At a company that I like. With a team I like. I am thankful for that.

We went to Tahoe with James, Janell and little Ashley. James and I got a day of boarding in; albeit hung over. We hadn't seen each other in quite some time, and when we got to Tahoe at about 10 pm, we threw down. Next thing we knew, it was 4:30 in the morning. Ouch. But we got some solid runs in, and got to play in the snow with Ashley and Izzie. This may sound corny, but if you want something really entertaining, hang in the snow with a 2-year old and a hyperactive 60-pound labrador retriever. James and Janell are such good parents, and little Ashley is the coolest baby girl ever. She is just so happy.

Last weekend, we started the remodel on our back yard. I'll post pics of that soon... (I know, i'm bad about posting pics...). It's going to look amazing when it's done. I went for a quick bike ride on Sunday. I was riding up Tassajara road in Dublin against one of the nastiest headwinds I've ever been in. It was so bad that when I turned around, I was doing 30 mph on level ground in the 52x12 with almost no effort. I almost bagged it, but found a better route and pounded out some miles.

My dad won't be able to do Wildflower with me because he has a ruptured disk in his neck (herneated?). He will at least be there with the RV for the weekend; and that's what matters. It'll be a fun weekend. Oh yeah - Mom & Dad got a new car. Finally got rid of the MBZ that was falling apart, and got a nice new Honda Civic. Can't wait to see it in person! Love that new car smell...

And so that brings us full circle to today. I'm busy at hell at work, and holed up in a conference tomorrow. Man, I can't wait until Tahoe...

Oh yeah... Ryan started a new Blog to let the world see the inner workings of his creative mind. Check it out - Ryan's Scratch Pad. Someone needs to pay him to write. He's good.

60 miles... Twice!

2009-01-14T18:29:00.000-08:00

Two weeks ago, I drove up to Roseville at the crack of dawn to get in a ride with my buddy Scott. Scott just purchased a road bike, and was anxious to go hammer out some miles. It was freezing cold, but all in all a beautiful day. We road on the American River Trail, a nice relatively flat seemingly endless trail by, you guessed it, the American River. We did 60 miles. By the end of it, my legs were jelly. Lesson learned for next week: More sleep, better breakfast.

Yes, there's my gratuitous spandex shot, and yes, that's I-5 in the background.

Last weekend, I rode the Mines Road trail with my buddy Matt. Now, this place is in the boonies. Easy to find if you know the main drag in Livermore, and once you're on the road, you're on the road. End of story. For those playing along at home, here is a description of the ride... http://www.inl.org/bicycle/hamilton.html

We got settled in to a nice pace, and hit the initial climb. About half way up, I thought I was going to die. No joke. I even stopped at one point and puked... a first for me - I didn't even do that while training for Pac Grove in 100+ degree heat!!! After what seemed like forever, we got on to some level ground with some fun rollers, and before we knew it, another couple of climbs. Eventually we made it down to the final descent to the Junction Bar & Grill. Past the Santa Clara County line, and 38 miles from San Jose. Stopped for a PB&J and some more water, then back on the road. We turned around and headed back, up a NASTY climb... but once we got through that, it was damn near all downhill.

I'm a little tired, so I won't give you all the details, but here is what I can say:

1. Brutal climbs.

2. Killer descents.

3. If you've never ridden at 30+ for more than a mile, your confidence may shake a bit... but you'll get through it. Be smart on your brakes, and mindful of cars... because there's a good chance your cell won't work, and there ain't gonna be anyone to pick you up (I think we saw 6 cars each way).

After nearly 5 hours in the saddle though, I can really say that I felt like I accomplished something. Sure- we didn't go all the way to the observatory, but even what we did was considered one of the toughest rides in the bay area. And I did it. A hell of a ride, yes, and there was a good part of me thinking "How did I let Matt talk me in to this?" but well worth the pain. My legs finally feel better today. Matt, thanks again for taking me out there!

2008: A year in review....

2009-01-06T19:23:00.000-08:00

It was Christmas Eve, babe…
In the drunk tank…
An old man said to me, “We won’t see another one…”

Okay… I really don’t need to be getting into the Pogues lyrics right now… but I can't resist. Anyway, Christmas came and went. New Year's came and went. It's been a while since I've posted anything other than myself bitching and moaning about the holidays, so maybe it's time to post something of substance. Or whatever. Anyway, first let's get cliche and let me post my resolutions:

1. Don't bitch the two times a year Alli makes me go to church. (If my luck keeps up, we'll show up late to easter mass too).

2. Haircuts are no longer a semi-annual thing.

3. (and this remains to be decided based on my time availability) EITHER:
3.(a). CRUSH my 2008 Pac Grove time. Target: 2:45.
OR
3.(b). Big Kahuna Half Iron.
(Talk to me in March about Resolution 3).

So, 2008 really kind of flew by. I didn't think it would - at January 1, I was thinking "Can this year just be over?" and at December 31, I was thinking "Holy shit! Where did 2008 go?" Well, without further ado, here it comes... 2008 - Fargo's recap:

JANUARY: I finally got off of my ass and got active by joining Team in Training, which started at the end of the month. I began my quest toward completing my first triathlon. I headed to SoCal for a week for work to spend time with my colleagues and clients. We lost Grandpa George while we were there.

FEBRUARY: Triathlon training officially got underway. NASCAR race and two days of camping in the rain in the motorhome with Dad. More training.

MARCH: Still more training. Alli and Ben fly to DC for Grandpa George’s funeral. A lousy excuse to go to DC – but we made the best of it. Took me 30 years to get to DC - and I learned something... you must go at some point. Absolutely amazing place to see, and so much history. It is actually OK to be a tourist. We then spent a couple of days in Williamsburg, where on the way I had my first Waffle House experience. Great waffle - but I knew we weren't in California when the waitress put out her cigarette as she was walking toward us with menus. Colonial Williamsburg was fun - but definitely a place more for kids.

APRIL: The only day of snowboarding for the year. Another trip to SoCal for work. Instead of getting together with Ryan for beers, I had dinner with my aunt Barbara and Gramma. I'm really glad I did. (Wait until June...).

MAY: Wildflower. My first triathlon. I was hooked. Dad swears he’s in with me for ’09, and by god I’m holding him to that one. A trip to Maui to cap it all off. The purchase of my road bike, to begin my quest to Pac Grove and the Olympic distance triathlon.

JUNE: Upon my return from Maui, I learned Gramma was in the hospital. I dealt with that as best I could, but had a few cocktails on the evening of May 30. I got up and went for a bike ride on Saturday May 31, with a hangover. I wrecked on my bike. Dad told me that I should hop a flight down to San Diego. We lost Gramma the next day. I was there. I think I’m still digesting that. I still have a tough time believing she’s gone. Gramma knew exactly what every single one of the kids and grandkids were up to at any time. The last time I talked to her she even asked me how my triathlon training was going, and how Ryan was doing (yes, Ryan, she remembered you). I guess I feel lucky that she didn’t suffer long. What helped me out was really seeing how my dad and his siblings pulled together. Even though they all live miles apart, they were completely there for each other. On a lighter note, Team in Training started up again, for the Triathlon at Pacific Grove, and this carried all the way in to September. I ran another sprint Triathlon. And then, next thing I knew, it was

JULY, where I spearheaded a bachelor party for my little brother. Horse Races, booze, Hooters, booze, the club, and more booze… you get the picture. A week later, I get that phone call from my sister saying “Guess what… You’re going to be an uncle!!!” I was so happy all I could muster was “Oh shit oh shit oh shit oh shit! Fuck! Are you serious? Ohmygod! Congratulations! Wow! Put Mike on! Dude! Congratulations! Wow…” Seriously… I think that was verbatim the conversation. Alli finally got me to take her to Vegas, where I got to FINALLY use my Richard Petty Driving Experience rain check, at Las Vegas Motor Speedway. James got married at the end of the month (one of the top 3 coolest weddings I have EVER been to), and I learned a very important lesson: Don’t even ATTEMPT to play golf after your best friend’s wedding… Probably the worst round of golf I have ever played in my life. I was so hung I couldn't walk.

AUGUST: More tri training, and our fourth wedding anniversary. At work, I met my personal goal, and my partner Scott got promoted.

SEPTEMBER: And my first Olympic Distance Triathlon. Catch up with the highlights from the blog… It was back to work the Monday after, and after a bit of uncertainty due to the nature of wifey’s work, still wound up in Aruba for a week. If you ever have the opportunity, I highly recommend it. Back for month/quarter end, and next thing I know, it's

OCTOBER: where Alli and I turned 31. We had Gramma’s funeral; but I don’t like that word. I think of it as more of “Those Fargo kids all got together and caught up.” Next thing we know, it’s
NOVEMBER: and we fried turkeys. Again. I effed up my elbow playing golf; but also got a new driver that fixed my slice, and tied my PR of 89 at Sunol!!! Next thing I know, it’s

DECEMBER: Wow… here’s to a hell of an ’08.

To my wife – yet again, you prove why you are destined for sainthood…
To my family – thanks for being there. Thanks for making the trip to watch me cross that finish line.
To all the boys - James, Ryan, Chris, Rob, Mike, Mike, Corey and Scott … I miss you guys, and may we actually get more time together in ’09.
To my sister – may ’09 bring you guys all the best, especially with the little guy in the picture. I can’t wait to start spoilin’ him.

As I’m writing this with a scotch in hand, I guess that it's only appropriate that I make a toast. This one might be a little cliché, but I think it’s appropriate. We’ve all been there for each other, so here goes:

“Here’s to you, here’s to me, best of friends there will ever be. But if we ever disagree, fuck you, here’s to me!!!!”

THANK YOU TO EVERYONE WHO HAS BEEN PART OF ’08. HERE'S TO A GREAT '09.

Holiday Blues

2008-12-23T18:53:00.000-08:00

It’s Christmas, and like usual, I’m not feeling terribly “Christmassy.” I don’t know why – but this time of the year just gets me down. Seriously – I have literally nothing that I can complain about – so before I let my mind wander, let me just get it out on the table that I am extremely grateful for that…. Hear me?

LET IT BE KNOWN THAT I AM EXTREMELY GRATEFUL:
That my family is here and healthy.
For my wife who should be sainted for putting up with me.
For my dog.
For my friends, who I really consider more like family.
That I have in-laws that I actually like.
That I am employed in a job that I enjoy.
That I have a roof over my head.
That I have my health.

On to Christmas….

Christmas is a Holiday. That means you don’t have to go to work. That is how I view it.

I don’t celebrate the religious aspects of Christmas. I’m not going to get into the “why’s,” as the point of this blog is not for me to advertise my religious beliefs. Although several years ago at Christmas dinner, I made the comment about going to midnight mass to “get it over with,” which was met by a stern scolding that I “shouldn’t be celebrating the day if I [sic] don’t believe in its meaning.” To which I replied, “Cool – does that get me out of going to mass?”

Christmas lost the childhood magic for me with the revelation by one of the teachers at my elementary school that Santa Claus wasn’t real. (I won’t call out names here, but thanks for nothing, you psycho bitch.).

Maybe I’m homesick. Maybe Ryan’s musings on the concept of “home” made me long for the old days. These days, outside of the confines of my own house, I don’t feel like I’m at “home” unless I’m at the Ranch (which is weird, because I didn’t grow up there).

I never thought I’d say this, but I miss Christmas back in Santa Clara. Back in the day, the doors at home seemed to open at about noon, the food was out, and we’d have easily 50 people pass through those doors throughout the day… Uncle Tommy, Tita & Jack & Co., Conrad & Mary, Gramma, Pop… And then there was the annual post-midnight present delivery to John & Beth’s house (they hid the girls’ presents at our house). How we didn’t wake them up every year is beyond me, because between the tossing of beers, hauling the stuff in, swearing when we dropped it... You get the point. We all spent Christmas day in our sweat pants. There were probably projectiles moving between our house and the neighbors. We ate leftovers.

Then Mom & Dad moved. Annie moved. I moved. Some of our loved ones have passed, and we don’t see our friends as often as we would like to anymore…

And when Christmas falls during the week, I don’t get to see my family until the weekend before or after. And even years like this – where we both have Friday off, my wife won’t split the holiday between the families. Maybe that’s the part that I’m bummed about. I don’t remember the last time that I spent the actual holiday with my side of the family.

Gift giving… My wife is a genius at picking up on subtle things – and she’ll get little reminders of something that we’ve done together. Or she’ll know that I need a new golf club – and sure enough, that’s what I’ll get. I enjoy buying her the jewelry that she’s picked out. And every so often, I even come up with a good one on my own. This year, my dad bought new bikes for himself and my mom – so I was excited to go to the store and get them bike stuff (no, mom, you can’t use your motorcycle helmet on a mountain bike…). It’s not the dollars… it’s the thought that counts.

Yet all I seem to hear is “Did we get ______ enough?” or “We already/only spent $x on your dad’s/mom’s/sibling’s gift.”

My reply is generally “Isn’t it the thought that counts,” which is generally met with a comment about how I put no thought into it anyway, because I refused to go shopping. But without fail, I will catch a ration of shit when I say “Oh, and how much did we spend on YOUR dad/mom/sibling?” Double standard…

Maybe I’m just the modern day Ebeneezer Scrooge. Maybe I’m upset at the fact that I am forced to celebrate the religious aspects of a commercial holiday – or the commercial aspects of what everyone says is a religious holiday – or worse, when people who are very big on the religious aspect of the holiday are blind to the fact that the holiday has been commercialized… I don’t know.

Think of the future – there is no present.

Travel... And not vacation

2008-12-15T19:44:00.000-08:00

I'm in southern CA for work this week. It's good. Time to see clients, spend time with my team, and see many of my colleagues that I don't get to see during the normal work week. Probably grab dinner with Ryan while I'm in San Diego.

But it's exhausting.

I was up at 4 today, and at OAK at 4:30. My flight was at 6:55. So why was I at the airport so early? Let's recap, shall we?

1. When corporate travel puts together your reservation, read it very carefully. When looking at my flight information, I zoned in on the section that said "Check in required." I've had the thing for over a week, looked at it numerous times, and I couldn't find a Southwest check-in number. Stupid me, I assumed I had to check in at the SW ticket counter. For my stupidity, I was awarded the dreaded Boarding Group C. Middle seat, back of the plane. Rough flight, and it was a bumpy flight.

2. Ever fly out of OAK on a Monday morning? Last time I had a 6:55 flight on a Monday, I arrived two hours early. Lines out the door, and I had to check baggage. It's just easier than opening everything in the security line. Anyway, lines were equally bad in the security line. I barely made the flight. This time, I was in without incident, and found myself sitting at the gate for two hours with nothing to do but read email on my blackberry.

3. Driving to the office. Easy enough, right? Wrong. It was DUMPING rain in the OC today. I didn't crack 20 mph on the freeway on the way in.

4. General work and a late afternoon client visit. All went well - but man, am I tired.

One day down, four to go. Can't wait for Friday. Kick it on Saturday, and then head up to Sac on Sunday for a planned 55 mile ride with Scott. Rain, rain, go away. I need this ride!!!

Dear Margo, are you effing kidding me????

2008-12-14T16:51:00.000-08:00

Ever read the daily/weekly/whatever Advice Columnists? I always enjoyed reading Ann Landers or Dear Abby as a kid... but then as I got older, I realized what the majority of these columns were for me: Self-esteem boosters. Since we don't get a newspaper at my office (wtf?... i know...), I must take a few minutes with my coffee to read these fine journalists' musings online. Currently I read Dear Abby and Dear Margo... If anyone knows of another one that will make me say "Wow - I guess I really am smarter than the average person." or "And how is that person alive?" please let me know - I'm all ears.

Anyway, Dear Abby is generally entertaining, but lately she has had a tendency to dwell on stupid formalities - you know... the things that you or I wouldn't panic over - but there's a couple in Minnetonka having a meltdown over it. You know, something along the lines of "Dear Abby, my wife and I disagree on what to serve at easter dinner when we know that one guest doesn't eat pork for religious reasons and another guest gets sick when he eats ham. How do we handle this?" You get my point... not too exciting lately.

Dear Margo, on the other hand, nearly killed me the other day when I read her posting. I can't make this shit up. Just read the first letter in THIS PARTICULAR SEGMENT....

What. The. Fuck.

I feel better now.

On Fashion...

2008-12-09T12:54:00.000-08:00

Living in the great city of Oakland, I am a witness to more fashion victims than I care to admit. From the giant tee shirts (that could be nightgowns), to the pants cinched at the knees, to the XL-sized straight billed baseball cap cocked sideways with the doo-rag, you name it, I've seen it, and I see it every day. Even the cars are not immune... I saw a dude driving a hot-pink Lexus coupe with 24" wheels on it (i knew this because his fake diamond "24" was proudly displayed on the side). It had more ground clearance than my 4wd Blazer!!!

Anyway, I don't have the time, creativity or mental capacity to rant on this one at the moment. Instead, I offer you this link (yes, click on it and read the post), which is a tirade written by my friend Ryan after one of our infamous vegas trips of years ago. Thank you Ryan, for so eloquently putting it in perspective. If I may purloin your idea, perhaps I can update this to address the things we see now.

What a weekend...

2008-11-30T17:36:00.000-08:00

Being Thanksgiving weekend, everything started for me on Wednesday evening. I got home from work, and tried to help the wife not panic about having everyone over like she does every year. I mean, I guess I understand the panic... she likes to have all her ducks in a row, and it drives her nuts if something is out of place. Thursday I woke up and went for a bike ride at Chabot (it was wet, so instead of a long road ride, I put in about 10 miles on the trails). My folks got in at about 11:30, and we started getting ready for the turkey fry-off. Unfortunately, Annie and Mike weren't here - but she did send an apple tart.

Two notes about the apple tart... (1) My sister can out bake anyone out there. Hands down. I'm throwing down the gauntlet on her behalf. (2) I hate pumpkin pie, so Annie always makes something for me. See, my grandmother (Google) passed about 18 years ago, and she loved pumpkin pie. I hated it. But for 12 years after she was gone, my mother was still of the impression that I liked pumpkin pie. She'd say "You always ate Google's!" And I would reply "Yes, because she stood over me with a can of whipped cream and hit every bite so I could choke it down!!!" Anyway, so Annie bakes me an apple pie/tart/something not pumpkin or pecan. We fried up the two turkeys, and I unfortunately was not able to escape the carving "honors."

If you've never had the "honor" of carving a turkey, let me give you a piece of advice... Pass. What a pain in the ass. I think next year we'll just fry a turkey breast roast - that's all anyone eats... I've got a fridge full of legs, wings, thighs, and assorted other turkey parts that I can't get rid of. I ate so much that I had to go outside for fresh air. I woke up several times in the middle of the night, and had a true food hangover on Friday.

I took Friday off, but was still tied to the blackberry... Just making sure nothing was hitting a wall. Alli and I went to the art store so I could buy her the easel that I've been trying to get her for the last couple of years, and then we went to this store in Berzerkeley called Urban Ore. This place is a combination construction salvage/recycling (i.e. buy old stuff for your projects) and flea market. You would not believe some of the neat stuff there... but also some of the crap. We're talking neon signs with broken (sharp!) tubes, broken pieces of plastic... I even saw a computer keyboard that was covered in I don't even want to know.

Saturday I played golf with Rob and Dan-o at Sunol. We had a 9:32 tee time, and didn't tee off until 9:55. We were stuck behind a foursome of 40-something women who (1) piddled around and didn't get to the tee until 9:35, (2) with the exception of one, could not hit a ball - it looked like they were playing soccer and (3) took nearly an hour to complete two holes. They would not let us play through. They would dawdle around on the tees, and literall tee off as they saw us reach the green, so that they could drive off as we finished putting. Now... before you pass judgment on me passing judgment on these folks, let me give you a brief lesson in golf etiquette:

1. Show up on time for your tee time, or lose your spot. If you are late, let the starter know so he can send the group behind you.

2. If you are topping the ball on EVERY shot, you probably shouldn't be on the course. Maximum is double par. If you are an extreme novice, go "best ball" style and move to where someone else in your group has hit to.

3. You should not spend more than five minutes looking for your ball. If you are doing this on every shot, perhaps you should not be on a golf course on a Saturday at 9:30 - primo tee times...

4. Let faster groups play through.

This is all common sense. And common courtesy. I am by no means a good golfer. It is okay to suck... it's a difficult skill to perfect. Just don't let your sucking hold up the entire course. As a side note, when these ladies finally let us play through (10th tee), we caught another slower group... That said, we STILL finished two holes ahead of them.

Back to the game... I was hitting my new driver... a Callaway FT-5 Draw... This thing saved my game. It is damn near impossible to slice with it!!! I hit reasonably well all day, for an 89, tying my best game ever!!! The interesting part of the game was Rob, who finished one under on the back 9, with only one par. If he bogeyed 18, he would have finished even. He had 5 birdies, and drained a 42 foot putt for eagle after driving a green. He hit a personal best 70. He also hit a couple of shots that I have no idea how (i.e. having to hit from over a green on an opposite hole to get on to the green we were playing). Rob is an 8 handicap, and really good. 99% of his shots are dead on and you just find yourself saying "Whoa." But when he misses, he misses big (example above). But he's good enough that he can recover from it.

Sunday, I woke up and went for a nice 35 mile bike ride, and did some work around the house. Alli went shopping with her mother. I don't want to know what it's going to cost - but at least the X-mas shopping will be done. Now I'm tired, and not looking forward to going to work tomorrow.

Random thoughts for the day....

2008-11-26T13:08:00.000-08:00

Okay, so I know it’s been a while since I’ve posted. Just in case you missed me, here are the last two weeks.

I took a nice 36 mile ride last weekend. Given the inability to get on the bike because I couldn’t move my elbow the week before, I hadn’t ridden (or really done any exercise) in two weeks. My pace was a little slower than I would have liked, and I was definitely feeling it on Sunday. So what did I do? Grabbed the mountain bike and went to play in the dirt. Chabot has some really long, steep climbs. Not fun.

I had to go to a funeral today, so I wore one of my suits. I don’t like wearing suits, which is a shame because I look good in a suit. Outside of a deep disdain for the formal, I think the reason that I don’t like wearing a suit is because when I am wearing a suit, I’m generally not doing something enjoyable… Funeral, work (although I haven’t worn a suit to work regularly in the last 10 years), random stranger’s wedding, corporate function…

There’s a guy in my office who just brightens everyone’s mood. I’ve never seen him without a smile on his face. He puts things in perspective… “How ya doin’, Mark?” “Can’t complain… and if I did, wouldn’t do any good!” Mark, thank you for reminding all of us that we really don’t have it bad.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving… So let me give thanks I guess. Thank you to my boss for keeping me employed in a job that I enjoy. Thank you to my company and its management for not making poor decisions that would make us rely on government bailouts. Thank you dad for the turkey fryer. Thank you mom and dad for bringing the turkeys. Thank you Annie for sending the apple tart because I hate pumpkin pie. Damn you rain for precluding me from getting in 45 before eating tomorrow; but thank you for creating the mud holes that I’ll go play in instead.

Speaking of holidays, Christmas… commercial or religious holiday? Make up your mind. If it is a religious holiday, celebrate it as such. If you’re concerned about buying people presents, and then ask “Did we get them enough?” then it is a commercial holiday. Don’t try to disguise it as something else. I don’t much care what kind of holiday it is… what I do know is that it’s a Federal holiday, so as a banker, it’s a day off work. And if you think I’m going to midnight mass again this year, you’re out of your mind.

About midnight mass on Christmas… Don’t drink absinthe beforehand. It doesn’t have nearly the hallucinogenic properties that I thought it would… The absinthe combined with whatever the hell they burn in there just gave me a headache.

Anyone out there use Facebook? Isn’t it like crack? I don’t understand what half the crap on it is – so to people passing me drinks or stuff for my Blue Cove, I’m not ignoring you… I just don’t know how it all works. Anyway, I’ve reconnected with folks I haven’t talked to since high school. That’s kind of cool. And two of the most active people on my “friends” list – my Uncle Tim and Nadine!!! That’s just a kick.

Speaking of Facebook, I joined two groups… “You know you’re from Santa Clara when…” and “Stan’s Fans.” Both of them you have to either be from Santa Clara or have at least gone to SCU to understand... Stan’s is a donut shop that’s been in Santa Clara for a million years. Not living there anymore, I have yet to have a donut that comes anywhere close to being as good as Stan’s. And Krispy Kreme doesn’t count… two different leagues. “You know you’re from Santa Clara when…” is funny because (a) the list has everything that I heard my parents talk about; (b) has everything I did growing up there and through college; and (c) anything that I don’t know about popped up on there after I left. Three things though that every Santa Claran knows, and that ring true… Especially for those of us transplanted to other areas:
1. You know that unless you were born at Kaiser or in a house within the city limits of Santa Clara, you technically weren’t born in Santa Clara…
2. You know that Santa Clara is the name of the City, and not just the University…
3. No matter how much you wanted to get out, you want to go back – even just to visit… but the second you get there, all you can think about is getting back out!!!

Did you know you can get Tetley’s English Ale in a can with a widget? Neither did I until last night… I’m thrilled. Now I know that there are three bars and BevMo where I can get Tetley’s. I think that I shall be cracking a few open this evening.

Ok... that's it for now.

inactivity, pain, vicodin, pain, you get the point...

2008-11-16T20:37:00.000-08:00

So Friday after I went to the doctor, I got to have my first vicodin experience in about 10 years. Saving grace to that stuff is that it knocks you right out and you go to sleep. But in terms of doing anything for you while you're in excruciating pain? Useless.

Yesterday pretty much sucked. My elbow was as big as a softball, and just looking at it hurt. I had a few beers after dinner, and went to sleep at around midnight. I didn't move until wifey's alarm clock went off at like 9:30. And that was fine with me.

Today, my elbow is somewhere in between the size of a baseball and a softball, and doesn't hurt too bad... I was even able to start the lawn mower. That said, I've only got about half my range of motion back.

So basically, due to the fact that my arm was immobile, I was totally inactive this weekend. And it sucks.

Lessons learned... 54 holes of golf in 4 days after not playing much over the past year = bad idea.

Trauma Induced Bursitis

2008-11-15T11:35:00.000-08:00

I shit you not. I don't have the medical knowledge, nor the creativity to make this up.

Apparently, when you haven't played golf much in the last year, and then you go and play 3 rounds in 4 days, you can screw up your joints. Anyway, I apparently burst a bunch of fluid sacs in my elbow. I didn't know it on Tuesday, but was sore on Wednesday, and on Thursday, the pain fluctuated between a dull roar and blinding. Range of motion limited. Hurt to move the arm in general.

Went to the ER yesterday, thinking maybe I tore a tendon or something... Got some vicodin, which at least knocked me out so I could sleep last night.

What sucks is it hurts to ride a bike... So here I am at the computer when I could be out getting some miles in since it's a gorgeous day.

An Ode to my Blazer...

2008-11-12T19:35:00.000-08:00

Okay... really not an ode. I don't know how to write poetry. I guess this random musing is just to reiterate that I love my Blazer.

I have a 2001 Chevy Blazer ZR2. She's red. Her name is Vanessa. She has 100,000 miles on her, and has been beaten to hell since the day I drove her off the lot. Through countless trips to the snow, and the pain of 880 traffic, the only mechanical issue she's ever had was a fuel pump, which I effed up by constantly driving until the "low fuel" light came on. Outside of that, she's a tank.

She hasn't been driven much in the last couple of years, what with gas pushing $4 a gallon, and 15mpg, it doesn't make sense. So the battery finally died. I finally got a new one this weekend, put it in, and she fired right up. Runs like a tank. Unfortunately, also rides like a tank. And unless you're used to driving her, with the unique blind spots and all, not fun. And like all Blazers, she rattles. So she sounds like she's falling apart. But she's not... And I just can't bring myself to get rid of her.

So as the rainy season (hopefully) comes, I say here's to another winter with the Blazer!

Dammit...

2008-11-10T14:06:00.000-08:00

Of course I read this on my sister's blog, and with nothing else to write about except a 25-mile bike ride and two rounds of golf this past weekend, I am purloining her idea. So with that intro, here you go...

10 things you didn't know about me. Or maybe you did. Or who cares. Whatever.

1. For as outspoken and loud as I may be around those I know, I'm quite shy in crowds. At a social gathering, I'm usually the guy hanging out quietly (okay, maybe loudly if we've had a few pop's) with his friends away from the rest of the crowd. I've probably got my hat pulled low, and unless I'm directly involved in the conversation, I'm probably looking slightly down, or into my beer. I don't go out of my way to meet people unless someone else makes the introduction... and even then, I tend to stand there like a deer in headlights making awkward small talk or giving the polite "yeah, uh huh," unless I've got a few beers or Jager shots in me.

2. I have eight brothers. Okay... not eight actual brothers. But eight friends that I consider brothers. These are guys that I will drop anything for, and I know that they would do the same for me. You burn one of them, you've burned me and we're done.

"Ever get the feeling you can't go on?

Just remember whose side it is that you're on.

You've got friends with you till the end.

If you're ever in a tough situation -

We'll be there with no hesitation -

Brotherhood's our rule we cannot bend."

- Pennywise

3. As opinionated as I am, I'm not going to give you my advice unless you ask for it, and I would hope you'd have the same courtesy for me. I'm a firm believer that you don't really want to know unless you ask. It isn't my business or right to give unsolicited advice. I'll be your sounding board... and I won't repeat what you tell me to anyone - even if it is good news - unless you tell me I can. I'll listen endlessly. I may opine on the situation that you have just described to me, but I won't offer a recommendation unless you ask. And if you do, I will tell you bluntly what I think, and you will know in no uncertain terms what is on my mind. And you may not like hearing it.

4. Although I don't miss my mom mowing my lawn at 9:00 on a Saturday morning after an all-night bender (and not to mention the fact that the lawn was mowed on Wednesday), I do miss not having my family within a few minutes of my house. This is particularly evident during the holidays. As much as I hate christmas, it is nice to see my mom & dad and Annie & Mike, and Uncle... since it is actually an excuse to get together. There are certain people who don't understand this... but when your parents are a quarter mile away (or even 15 minutes away), you don't think about it that way.

5. Pop taught me the golden rule... Treat others the way you want to be treated. Some would argue that this is the basis for most major religions... but given the amount of hypocricy that I have seen in any of those religions, I can't believe anything that they teach. So Pop gets all the credit for this one. I think that he was the only person I've ever known who followed this rule to the letter. (5.a. Pop, Dad and Uncle taught me the silver rule... Work hard, play hard. It may result in a wicked hangover or an embarassing story or six - but life's too short to take yourself too seriously and you've got to balance it all out.)

6. As cynical as I am, and as much as I like to say that people are viruses with shoes, I secretly want to believe that everyone has at least one redeeming feature. I will make every effort to give you the benefit of the doubt and try to find something nice to say about you until you give me a reason not to do so. I can only think of probably three people who are so low in my mind that I can honestly say I will never speak to again.

7. If I had a nickel for every time I gave someone my last name, "Fargo," and they said "Like the movie?" I would be a very wealthy man. So wealthy in fact that my great grandchildren would probably never have to work a day in their lives. Oddly enough, that question is number 1 when people ask my name, followed in a DISTANT second by "Like the bank?" and an even FURTHER DISTANT third by "Is your middle name Wells?" Question 3 rarely even comes up any more - and when people see my middle and last name together, they never even catch it. Now that's a huge bank... so I'm just assuming people in general are really that stupid.

8. Unlike what seems to be everyone else that I know, I have no desire to see Europe (save England, Ireland, Scotland and Spain), or the rest of the world unless there is some unbelievably cool place to snowboard. Seriously... there is so much I haven't seen in the US that is far more interesting to me. And I am 100% confused as to why people voluntarily go to "conflict prone" areas (*unless they have some direct tie to said conflict/area).

9. Though sometimes I have a tendency to bitch a lot, I am a very thankful person. I am thankful for my family, who raised me right and taught me that hard work is rewarded. I’m thankful for my wife who, no matter what, puts up with my shenanigans, hobbies, and general tomfoolery. I am thankful that I have a job with a company that has enabled me to grow professionally and that I have a boss and colleagues that I genuinely like as people. I'm thankful that I can afford my mortgage payment, and that I can afford to support my hobbies. I’m thankful that my sister married someone that I actually like. I'm thankful that my parents are still around and healthy. I’m thankful for my friends, who, for all the shit we give each other, I know I can always count on.

10. I have a bottle of wine in my cellar rated 97 by Robert Parker, and that currently sells for in excess of 3x its retail (mailing list only) price. If the trend holds true to prior vintages, I can sell this bottle in a couple of years for enough to purchase a new bicycle. But I'm not going to do that. I intend to, when the time is right, consume it. WITH A CHEESEBURGER. Let Robert Parker and all the true wine snobs out there have coronaries when they read that - but the best pairing of wine with food is two things that taste great together... And you really can't beat a home-grilled burger and a nice heavy cab.

Oh yeah... Dogs and Vacuum Cleaners

2008-11-02T16:59:00.000-08:00

Ever notice how dogs are morbidly afraid of vacuum cleaners? I just vacuumed my house, and the dog FREAKED. Funniest damn thing.

Sunday gloom.

2008-11-02T15:10:00.000-08:00

I don't know what it is, but Sundays always bum me out. I don't know why they do, but that's the fact. They shouldn't... I mean, let's look at it:

1. It's football season, and all of the 49er games are televised.
1(a). Since my family has tickets, I've already gone to half the home games.

2. Believe it or not, a good number of Charger games are televised in this area.

3. I don't have to work.

4. I can usually go for a bike ride or something.

5. There are still a few NASCAR races left.

Sounds pretty good, right? Well, sometimes, I just feel pessimistic about it:

1. My Niners are having another DISMAL season... Before giving the ball to Shaun Hill, JT O'Sullivan had 17 turnovers... That's not the team - that's ONE GUY!

2. The Chargers aren't doing much better... Miami?
2(a). At least the Raiders aren't doing any better.

3. I do have to work tomorrow.

4. It's been dumping rain, meaning no fun on the road... Although I could go play in the mud on the mountain bike...
4(a). I don't have time to clean it up after I get back today...

5. NASCAR season is running down... I don't think Jr. is going to get that championship. Although I wouldn't be sad if Jimmie Johnson pulled off 3 in a row, or if Carl Edwards, Jeff Burton or Greg Biffle pulled it off...

I think it all boils down to point number 3... Right now, I'm on borrowed time. Although I really enjoy my job and my colleagues, it is nice to have a day to relax - but I start thinking about having to go back to the rat race on Monday.

Or maybe it's just knowing that the time switch is in effect, and so it's going to be dark at 5, and pitch black by 6.

Okay... enough doom & gloom...

Last night I went to see No Use for a Name at a tiny club in San Jose. Total home crowd, and being that No Use has been around for 15+ years, I didn't feel like I was the oldest person there! Unfortunately, their mixing was off, so it was tough to hear the vocals at times. That's okay though - since it was a total home crowd, people kept sending drinks to the band. They were ripped by the middle of the show. Not ripped and forgetting songs (which was good); but silly ripped. It entertained me, and I was happy.

I got a bike trainer... which means now I can have spin class in my garage! I will say... you don't think about it, but riding those trainers is tougher than you think, and a hell of a workout. I always like to ride at a cadence of 80+ (90+ is ideal); but it is tough!!! But that's good... get me ready for some of those climbs at Solvang!

We're having dinner tonight with my buddy James and his wife Janell tonight. James and I have been friends for over 15 years - so I've always thought of him as my little brother. Despite the fact that he's bigger than me. Anyway, I haven't seen them since their wedding in July - so I'm looking forward to it. James is going to help us with the work on our back yard - and he's a perfectionist. But with his connections and know-how, a little sweat equity will save us big on the dollars! Stay tuned for updates on that.

It pissed rain on Friday and Saturday... could this be the signs of an early winter? I don't know. But as long as I get more than 1 day on the hills, I'll be happy. And thank you, Triathlon, for getting my fat ass in to better shape so I will be able to ride better this year!

OK... I think I feel better now.

The Redistribution of Wealth

2008-10-30T14:09:00.000-07:00

I'm just going to post some food for thought. I am going to withhold my political views because starting political pissing matches is not the reason I have this blog.

Whether or not this is true, I don't know, and I really don't care. (I got this in an e-mail, and thus the truth of it is questionable at best...) But just think about it...

Here is a creative approach to redistribution of wealth as offered in a local newspaper...

A man on his way to lunch passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "Vote Obama, I need the money." He laughed.

Once in the restaurant his server had on a "Obama 08" tie. Again, the man laughed as the server had given away his political preference--just imagine the coincidence. When the bill came, he decided not to tip the server and explained to him that he was exploring the Obama redistribution of wealth concept.

The server stood there in disbelief while the man told him that he was going to redistribute his tip to someone who he deemed more in need--the homeless guy outside. The server angrily stormed from sight. The man went outside, gave the homeless guy $10 and told him to thank the server inside, as he decided he could use the money more. The homeless guy was grateful.

At the end of this rather unscientific redistribution experiment the man realized that the homeless guy was grateful for the money he did not earn, but the waiter was pretty angry that the money that he earned was given away, even though the actual recipient needed the money more.

Sounds like redistribution of wealth is an easier thing to swallow in concept than in practical application.

22, 40, and random thoughts.

2008-10-27T20:58:00.000-07:00

So I don't really have any triathlon training goals right now... So admittedly, my runs and swims have suffered a bit. But I'm working on getting back on that horse. The next "endurance" event that I'm really looking forward to is the Solvang Century ride. The only challenge is that my sister might hatch by then. Oh well - ride the bike a hundred miles then go see the baby!

Anyway, I was pressed for time on Saturday, so I only got a quick 22 in on my usual Alameda loop.

Sunday was a lot more fun. I met up with my buddy Matt and we took off from Walnut Creek, through Danville, San Ramon, stopped for coffee in Dublin, and back to Walnut Creek. About 40 miles or so. As comfortable as my bike is, 40 milers give new meaning to the term "butt hurt."

I'm getting my bike trainer this week. Now, I have an excuse to clear out a spot in the garage so I can do some spin sessions on a real bike. Those lifecycles at the gym really start to hurt your ass after a while.

I still love my Kayanos. I went for a quick run this evening. And the dog was a little wired, so I took her with me. She crapped half a mile in - big one too - and I had to run with the bag for a half a mile. Ick. Stupidly, I didn't stretch very well when I got home and now the muscles in my shins hurt. Dammit.

I'm going to see No Use for a Name this weekend with my buddy Brian. I grew up on No Use. I'm sad that they've never received the recognition that I think that they deserve. But they're a San Jose local, and they're playing at this tiny hole in the wall club where I saw them last year. Homecoming, home crowd, should be good. The nice thing is that they're old. Meaning a few years older than me. So I don't feel too old being at the show.

Speaking of shows, I have to flat out say... Live 105, you suck. Admittedly, it's been years since I've gone to a Not So Silent Night show - but being that it's at the Oracle Arena this year (and thus REALLY close to my house), I was considering going. And then I saw the lineup. In the words of Eric Cartman, "Dude - fu-ck-ing weak." I really can't listen to the station for the music - it's mostly crap - but this lineup is inexcusable. The Killers, Death Cab for Cutie, Bloc Party, Franz Ferdinand, and Jack's Mannequin. Okay - The Killers can be cool in doses, likewise with Death Cab, but who the fuck are the other bands? Seriously, were it not for The Woody Show, that radio station would be entirely worthless.

Now let's talk about the elections. Wait, no, let's not. I'm really irritated by politics right now. And still undecided.

I Heart my Kayanos

2008-10-22T09:04:00.000-07:00

I used to hate running. Then I got into triathlon, and I still didn't like running. Then at the beginning of the Pac Grove training, I got some properly fitted running shoes. Asics Kayanos. A million times better than any pair of running shoes I've ever had. I bought a new pair after Pac Grove. I like running now.

Florida... Why does it remain a state???

2008-10-21T13:09:00.000-07:00

Seriously... after the 2000 election, why do we keep it around? Or at least why do we continue to let them vote?

Beyond that, ever notice how every time you hear of something totally ridiculous (i.e. your 3-year old child going missing and forgetting to report it for a month) it seems to always happen in Florida?

I just saw a thing on CNN... Florida is allowing early voting. Great! Encourage more people to get out there! But... Hours of waiting, combined with people admitting on CNN that they don't understand any of the items on the ballott... Okay - those aren't the bad parts... But now ALREADY... MORE VOTING MACHINE MALFUNCTIONS!!!!!!

Double-you Tee Eff?

Who's taking bets on another re-count? Put me down for $20...

31... Older? Sure. Wiser? Doubt it.

2008-10-14T16:14:00.000-07:00

I turned 31 this weekend. Whoopee. I was wise enough not to celebrate the way I did when I turned 30 (i.e. with a bottle of tequila). Rather, I woke up early on Saturday, and went for a bike ride. I won't re-hash the details from my last post. Let's just say though that I'm really glad I got my aero bars, and I can't wait to try them! My mom & dad came up, and went to dinner with us... I gorged myself on prime rib at House of Prime Rib, even treating myself to the famed SECOND HELPING. Sunday morning it was off to the 9er game with dad, where we watched them blow a 10 point lead against a pretty solid Philly team. Upon arriving home, my wife asked "So how'd they do?" Dad and I, both in our custom jerseys (#51 & 41), sighed. I threw up my hands and said "You know what, at least the Raiders lost." The neighbors on the corner saw that... And they're big Raider fans...

I realized though that I'm old... I got home from the airport on Friday at about 5 or so (I was in SoCal all week), and the wife and I went to the Englander for dinner. Couple of pints o' Tetley's, and that was it. We did have a bottle of wine when we got home, but it was an early night. I'm not complaining, but wow... Birthday weekend, and I don't even have a crazy story... THAT, my friends, is how I know I'm old. I gotta work on that.

Getting back on the horse...

2008-10-11T12:28:00.000-07:00

I've been pretty useless since pac grove, and it's making me feel basically like crap. I've been to the gym twice, running once, and as of this morning, on one bike ride. I was in SoCal for work last week which, shouldn't preclude me from working out - but by the time I'm done in the office and seeing clients, all I want to do is go to bed.

Anyway, at least I got up this morning and rode my bike. Just over 32 miles, avg. pace of 15.4 miles an hour. Not as fast as I'd like, but not bad considering I haven't been on the bike since race day. And it seemed every way that I rode I ran in to a strong headwind. And I nearly got killed over the Marina Blvd./880 overpass in San Leandro.

Roads in this area were not made for cyclists... and 90% of the drivers don't know how to react when they see a cyclist. Even the roads with the nice bike lanes are poor... There are stop lights every tenth of a mile.

Oh well, I was just happy to be out riding.

Barney Butter

2008-10-02T08:15:00.000-07:00

What the hell is Barney Butter, you may ask? Apparently it's almond butter... much like peanut butter, but I guess it won't kill you if you have peanut allergies. Why do I bring this up?

To those playing along, you know I have on multiple occasions mentioned my sick bastard friend Ryan. Well, he sends out this link last night to the SCU crew, with the subject line "Yes, this is real... I have two shirts..." The body of the email was the link to Barney Butter's website. I figured I was safe to assume that it wasn't a triathlon related article or something like that, since usually he doesn't send those things out to the old crew (I'm the only one who he has suckered into drinking the proverbial kool aid...). But also knowing many of the links that are traded between the old gang, I was afraid. So of course I clicked the link.

Lo and behold, there is a picture at the top of Ryan and two of his SD tri crew as members of Team Barney Butter, getting ready for the Longhorn Ironman race this weekend!!!

Ryan, best of luck at Longhorn. Kick some ass. And don't OD on Barney Butter.

Slacker.

2008-10-01T21:46:00.000-07:00

I've been feeling like a bit of a lazy slob since pac grove. See, the week after the race, I was buried at work putting everything in order before we went on vacation. I took my running shoes on my trip, and promised myself that I would hit the gym or run every day. Well, you know how nine out of ten people who say they're going to work out while they're on vacation don't? Well, I'm part of the nine there. And then I've had this wicked head cold ever since we've been back.

So finally tonight, I went to the gym. I did an hour on the stationary bike. Man I forgot how those seats hurt your ass... They really are not meant for anything more than someone leisurely riding it for 15 minutes. Then I went to a treadmill to make sure I still knew how to run. I did an 8:30 mile, which made me happy. Then I ducked into the pool and swam a few hundred yards. Nothing big, just had to work the kinks out. I feel better now.

I'm debating entering the SF Triathlon on Treasure Island next month. The problem is that I read race reports from the bike course from last year's race. Does not sound fun unless:

(1) you enjoy riding in a crit...
(2) you enjoy riding your road bike over a lot of gravely terrain....
(3) you like potholes.....

We'll see. One way or the other, I've got to get my ass back on the wagon (yeah, I know, it's only been two weeks). But I've got the Solvang Century to gear up for in March, and I need to SMOKE my Wildflower sprint time from last year in May.

That's it for now......

A few more from Pac Grove

2008-09-29T21:01:00.001-07:00

This is a picture of my dad's chihuahua. Yes, my dad has a chihuahua...

Following is a mix of pictures. The good, the bad, and the well, whatever you want to call it... I'll even try to label them for you. I will say this though, I'm a little peeved that the official race photographer won't let you download images (or I'm just peeved that I don't know any hacks to allow me to do so). There are a couple of really good shots of me down in the drops on the bike, and an AWESOME shot of me crossing the finish line. I'll wind up buying one though and I'll scan it on there. Anyway, here you go... and I've tried to do this in chronological order.

"Dude, Randy, what in god's name are we doing up at this hour???"

Just think... in like four hours, Team Shittyface will be reality!!!

No turning back now!!!

TNT EB Tri Summer 2008

Find me in the crowd here and I'll give you a dollar! ---->

Ahh... the easy part...

Just a 10k, and I'm done!!!! Dad - Get that beer on ice for me!!!

HOME STRETCH.

The reward. Jeff, Phil, thank you to whichever of you put whatever that fine beverage was in my hand...

Okay... so that's only a brief snapshot of it all... I hope you've enjoyed. And when I actually get the good picture of me coming across the finish line, I will put it up.

3:09:38.940

2008-09-14T16:09:00.000-07:00

And that's the time. It is official. I have completed my first Olympic Distance triathlon. Three hours, nine minutes, thirty-eight point nine-four seconds. I'll post pictures later... Get comfortable... this is going to be a long one. For the "Short Attention Span" crew, here's the skinny:

Goal: 03:30:00
Actual: 03:09:38.94

Splits:

1.5k Swim: 00:34:31
T1: 00:04:19
40k Bike: 01:23:35
T2: 00:03:31
10k Run: 01:03:42
TOTAL: 03:39:39

Injury free, unless you count splitting my toe open walking back to the hotel in flip-flops.

Random, my race number was 663... I was pissed that I didn't get 666. That would have just been cool.

Now on to the detail....

Friday
My buddy Matt showed up at my house at about 9:45, WITH A MOHAWK. When he introduced himself to my wife, he made sure to let her know “This was my wife’s idea… I don’t usually have a Mohawk.” This was immediately followed by me telling her "See honey! I told you I wouldn't be the only one if I did it!!!" She still would not relent, and alas, I still have hair.

We got on the road at about 10:15. We got in to town at a little after noon, and wound up running in to Lisa and Deb. We went to lunch, and then it was back to the hotel at about 1:30 so we could get in a quick bike and run before meeting up with the team for a swim. We took off on our bikes, about 15 minutes, weaving in and out of all the pedestrians on the rec trail down to the aquarium and Cannery Row. That part was more nerve racking than trying to avoid being hit by cars on the main road!!! Out for a quick 15-minute run, where we actually got in two full miles… That’s a 7:30 mile!!! Being able to do that felt great – but would I be able to do it on Saturday? Probably not… but anything could happen, right?

At about 2:30 we made our way over to Lover’s Point, to pick up our race packages, and get together with the team for a quick crawl through the kelp. I squeezed in to my wetsuit, and made my way to the water. There were a lot of Team in Training folks out there… they’re hard to miss with the logos on the wetsuits and everything… Coach Paul gave us a pep talk, and some pointers for getting over the kelp. I swam out toward the first buoy – all was pretty clear in terms of the amount of kelp I had to contend with. About halfway there, was where the kelp really made itself apparent. It’s not that it was terribly challenging to get through – but it was literally head and shoulders out of the water CRAWLING over the kelp. Rounding the first buoy came with a current that I had to swim against. It wasn't too strong - but a little annoying. Got through that fine, finished the swim, headed back to the hotel, and got ready for dinner.

Being that this was a Team in Training event, we had one of our honorees tell their story. Emma told her daughter Lauren’s story. Lauren is now eight and healthy (thankfully!). Parts of the story were tough to take – I can’t imagine a parent having to go through this kind of ordeal. But in the end, we knew the story had a happy ending, and Lauren led the whole crowd in a sing-along of “I will Survive.” The team met up for a quick last minute pep talk from Coach Paul, and the logistics for the morning. He told us to meet in the hotel lobby at 5:30am.

Saturday
The alarm on my phone went off at 4:30. I dragged myself out of bed, walked to the shower and said “I must be crazy.” I headed down to the lobby at 5, grabbed some coffee and a bagel, and waited for the rest of the team. At 5:30, we all walked the half mile down to the rec trail, mounted up, and rode off in the darkness to Lover’s Point. Note to self: riding in the dark, even on a semi-well lit paved trail with a huge pack on your back is not fun.

Once in the transition area, I racked my bike and laid out all of my shoes, hydration, wetsuit, etc. and got my area set up. This was my third race – so I know what my area needs to look like… and I’ve practiced laying it out at home – but I must have rearranged my area 10 times. I ran in to my buddy Ryan (the sick bastard who got me in to triathlon); and we wished each other luck. He made his way down to the beach for the swim – I stayed up, but watched the wave start from there. From about 7:30 to 8, I stretched and warmed up. At a little after 8, I had my wetsuit on, and made my way down to the beach to get ready for my wave to start at 8:30. I jumped in the water with the rest of my team, and a lot of TNTers from other chapters. Coaches Mike and Mike (yes, we had two Coah Mike's) were there getting us psyched up. At 8:30 sharp, the horn blew, and I ran with the rest of the TNT crew in to the water. It was cold – but I was ready for it thanks to a little warm-up beforehand. I got into a good rhythm right off the bat, and was feeling good. Much like Friday, about half way to the first buoy, I hit the big kelp field. Fortunately, there were enough people around me that it was easy to keep a perspective on where I was going. I made the turn, and again – like Friday – was swimming against a current. I didn’t panic, and didn’t stress, kept a nice even stroke, and made it through. Out to the second buoy and back in toward shore. I made my way out of the water, and around the rock. For whatever reason, that course just looks longer than it actually is. Consequently, as I rounded the rock, all I could think was "Crap... I've still got a lap to go." (Later in the day, my folks told me that I looked like I was going to die after my first lap.) I made it out of the water after my second lap, didn’t have any issues getting the wetsuit down, and started running up to transition. I was feeling a little seasick; so I kind of took my time in transition, and regained my composure. I ran my bike to the mount line, clicked in, and hammered down.

The course wasn’t nearly as crowded as I thought that it would be, and I got into a good pace almost immediately. Being on the bike is the part that I really enjoy. About 10 minutes in, I grabbed a Gu off of my top bar, and choked it down. I chased it with some Gatorade, and settled in to the ride. I passed a few other riders, and then a familiar face passed me – my colleague Quentin! We leapfrogged a little bit, and then he smoked me up a hill. I didn't see him again until the run.

A side note here... Quentin decided to do this pretty much on a whim. And he was nervous about it, because he had never done a triathlon before, and he was worried he wouldn't be in shape. His first wetsuit swim was the race. He finished in just over 2:46. Congrats, Quentin!

Back to the bike ride... I made the turnaround on the first lap, and headed back. Once I got closer to transition, I could hear the crowd cheering. I saw my wife, my folks, and my sister and brother-in-law, and made sure to ham it up a little for the camera. Why not, right? I’m not doing this for the world record! I made the second U-turn, and hammered down into lap 2. Pretty uneventful, and I kept up a good pace. That said, I noticed that it was getting a bit more crowded. I started seeing more people on mountain bikes or commuter bikes. I found myself passing more people; but getting tied up in crowds and unable to pass because a pack of the real fast bikers were coming up. This continued in to laps 3 and 4; but it wasn’t too bad. I still averaged about 17.8 miles an hour, and finished the bike leg in an hour and 22. I made it back to transition, switched shoes, and headed out on to the run.

Side note 2… After the race, my wife said she saw me eating a Gu on the third lap as I rode by at speed… Given my crash in June, she said she nearly had a heart attack. I guess it’s a good thing that she didn’t see me riding along with a water bottle in my teeth as I switched my backup bottle to my primary cage!!!

Side note 3… As I came out of transition, and each time I made a lap on the bike, the announcer was calling out my name… “And there’s another Team in Training racer… number 663 – Ben Fargo out of Oakland.” Okay – simple pleasures.

Out on to the run, and feeling good. Made it about to the first turnaround, and started getting a cramp in my right calf. I had to slow it to a walk and get the cramp out. I picked it back up, and got into a nice even pace again. The hill was a little bigger than I expected, and I was hurting by the time I got to the top. The run was pretty uneventful, until the start of my third lap. As I passed through the gates, the muscle right above my knee (no, not my entire quad – just the four or so inches right above my knee) cramped. Bad. And stopped working. I nearly fell – but was able to walk through it. I stopped and stretched it out. I said to myself “It’s race day… who cares if you can’t walk for a week after???” I picked it up, and started running again. I made it to the turn, and had to slow to a walk again. I got back to a run about a minute later, and kept it going. I glanced at my watch, and got that final wind… I knew I was blowing my goal out of the water!!! Before I knew it, I saw Ryan on the side yelling “Come on dude! You’re right there! This is it!!!” Next thing I knew, it was that last couple hundred yards… Leave it all on the course… I sprinted through the gates, and finished the race. I made it. The fam was there to greet me, along with the old SCU crew. That was awesome.

I headed back to my folks’ car to grab some lunch, along with my favorite recovery nutrition… An ice-cold tall boy of Bud Light! It was probably illegal to be walking around with an open can, so I improvised, and transferred the beer to my empty water bottle! From there it was back to the hotel to meet up with Ryan and the rest of the SCU crew. 3 Tall Boys, a few pints of Guinness, and a dozen hot wings, and then it was on to the Team in Training Victory Party. Alli and I sat with Jeff (the mastermind behind "Team High Life" (during the race), and "Team Shitty Face" (the second we crossed the finish line) who went totally healthy for training, lost about 30 pounds and 8 inches, and hadn't had a beer or any drink in 3 months (no, not because he was in recovery...). Needless to say, we continued to feed him cocktails all evening.

After the party ended, we headed back to Knuckles, where I hooked back up with Ryan and the SD crew for a bit. I apparently missed the SD crew singing campfire songs, but probably for the best. I'm not sure what time I got back to my room (and yes, I could find it on my own, thank you), but I slept well, my wife wasn't mad at me, and I had a collossal hangover on Sunday.

So that's that... Along with several of my fellow TNTers, we've decided we're coming back each year. Although I think I may start with the age group next year. Ryan will probably dust me; but my goal is to break 3 hours next year. If I'm trying to keep up with him, that'll probably be all the pacing I need to do it. I'm getting longwinded, so I'll post some post-race ponderings later.

Also, just before I go, a few short thank you's:

To Alli, for putting up with all of my training, early mornings, buying me Gatorade, and the new clutter of stuff throughout the house, and yes one more expensive hobby.

To my Mom, Dad, Annie, and Mike - thank you guys for coming down to see me do it. I know it was an early morning, but it was really cool of all of you to come out there and see the race. AND ESPECIALLY THANK YOU FOR THE COLD BUD LIGHT!!! Who's in with me for next year?

To Ryan - You sick bastard. Thanks again for getting me in to this. Good luck at Longhorn.

To the SCU Crew - Corey, Mer (and Jocelyn) Rob, and Scott - Thanks for coming down to see us. It's always cool to have your own cheering section.

Till next time...

It is officially here....

2008-09-11T18:37:00.000-07:00

Pop quiz, hot shot... What day is Saturday?

If you say "September 13," you lose.

Saturday is the Pac Grove Triathlon. My third race; first Olympic distance. Now is where all those early Saturdays and Sundays, the countless miles of swimming in the muck at Shadow Cliffs and wishing the Poolates crew would leave the pool at the gym pay off. Cruise the swim, hammer the bike, survive the run. I can't wait. Leave it all on the course, and collapse at the finish, cold beer in hand.

My wave goes off at 8:30am. My goal is to finish in 3 and a half hours. If all goes well, I hope to blow that out of the water.

Stay tuned... Race Recap to follow on Sunday.

Training and Other News....

2008-09-08T16:53:00.000-07:00

Okay. It's the home stretch. Taper week. Don't deviate from the training schedule. Well, I'm not going to... although I think I'll take my rest day on Wednesday, since I have a meeting at work. I'll go to the gym tomorrow, at 8 or later (so I miss the Poolates) for a swim, Wednesday off, and then pack my transition bag, and toss the bike rack on the car on Thursday. Friday afternoon, it's off to Monterey!!!

Something I learned/remembered/whatever this weekend... Running in the heat sucks. We were up in Roseville, at my friends' Scott & Kate's house. To get in my bike ride for the weekend, I brought my mountain bike - Scott and I decided we'd hit the trails on Saturday afternoon or Sunday morning. Anyway, I went for my run Saturday morning on an empty stomach (stupid move 1). By 10:30 when I went out the door, it was 85+ degrees (their pool felt awesome when I got back!). Then, when it was 100 degrees, Scott and I went mountain biking (stupid move 2). With only 1 bottle of water (stupid move 3). And my caloric intake up to that point in the day was only 2 gu's (stupid move 4)... Anyway, I lived. I attribute this also to the fact that there were a couple of instances where I said "Umm... No. Not going over that. Don't want to kill myself a week before race day." All in all, it was a blast. I remember why I love trail riding. I felt like hell afterward (empty stomach, dehydration); but otherwise all was well with the world. And by the way - Jamba Juice - GREAT recovery. Maybe it was because I got the one that tasted like an orange 50/50 bar (or "creamsicle" as my generation knew it), or because I was so bloody hungry...

Anyway, on to the top secret stuff here... I'm going to be an uncle. Like for real. Like I've got friends with kids, and you know how that is - everyone introduces their friends to you when they're little as "uncle." But this one is the honest truth. My sister and brother in law are expecting. I've known now for a good month and a half - but it's one of those things you don't want to hex... So you (okay... at least this is how I deal with these things) keep it quiet until (a) you get the indications from the doctor that so far everything is cool, and (b) you get the okay from the person to tell people. (yes, even though she's talking about it on her blog, I still got my sister's okay to tell people about it.).

Point (b) gets me on a tangent here... I'll keep it brief I promise. My wife and I have been married for 4 years. The question that still bugs me is "when are you having kids?" That question makes my blood boil. I have a few canned answers.

To a stranger: "None of your business. That's a little personal for someone I've just met."

To a relative: "Whenever you're ready to write the check to pay for it!" (And if you want to get graphic, throw in the "Do you really want to think about that? Wouldn't you rather just hear when the doctors confirm it?")

To a colleague who you also consider a friend: "When it happens, it happens." or "I'm dodging that bullet as long as I can - hey you want another beer?" (given it usually comes up at happy hour type events)

To a friend: Several possibilities... "Dunno." "Whenever." Those are the most common. But I find that for the most part, my friends don't ask that question. Probably because they don't want to think about it.

Anyway, I guess the point on that one is have some courtesy, respect people's privacy. It's not your news to break to the world. And when you see my sister with her swelling belly, don't just rush up and touch her. I'll have to kick whatever is left of your ass after Mike is done with you.

One week to go!!!

2008-09-05T08:16:00.001-07:00

I hope this post will be a little shorter than my last tirade...

Anyway, to any of my team that actually reads this... Peter, Jeff, Erin, Steven, Ed, Melissa, Phil, Chrissy, Anthea, Janet Todd, Holly, Ginger, Laura, Trish, Best of luck at Big K!!!

For me, it's one week to race day. I'll get in a quick ride tonight, take a 40-minute "taper" run tomorrow (taking it easy, so as not to eff up my foot/ankle), and another ride on Sunday. Since I didn't swim yesterday, I'll use that as my recovery day, and get in a swim on Monday. I'm going to try to take it easy on running until race day - keep my cardio up on the bike or swimming - but I don't want to screw up any joints and not be able to finish.

I've cooled down a bit from my fit of rage over the gym the other night, but it just drives home a couple of things for me...

First - to the Water0bics/Poolates class... you are not officially sanctioned by the gym. None of you are on staff. Your "instructor" is not a member of gym staff. The gym is allowing you use of the pool (at the expense of its other members) until 7:30. If your session starts late, tough noogies. You're done at 7:30. Suck it up and deal. Your inability to start on time should not impact the rest of us, who have had our workout time taken away already.

Second - Parents, teach your damn kids some respect and etiquette. I was a teenager once - but I had the sense to see what was going on around me, and not impede 20 people from going about their business.

Anyhoo, nice run on Saturday in the heat in Roseville, nice bike ride, and now it's taper time. Either I can do it or I can't... I know I can. In the immortal words of Al Bundy, "Let's rock."

TRYING TO SWIM HERE......

2008-09-03T20:35:00.000-07:00

A year ago, if anyone told me I would ever run a triathlon, I’d tell them they were on crack. Now I’m a week and a half from running my third triathlon, and my first Olympic distance. Ryan, you sick bastard, thanks again for convincing me that this was a good idea. I’m in better shape for snowboarding season (honestly, the #1 reason given by 50% of the people I train with as to how/why they got in to triathlon). I feel better than I’ve felt since I was 16. I’ve lost two pant sizes, and two shirt sizes. I’m in a lot better shape than I was (i.e. a little more rectangular, and a lot less round) and sure, I can get in a lot better shape, but frankly, I’m just happy to be at the point that I can eat that carne asada super burrito on a Saturday, fall asleep on the couch, and not feel bad about myself. That said, I do every so often second guess my choice of eating a carne asada burrito… very girly in that “this is going to go right to my gut” way. But in any event, the point here is that I’m now at the point that if I don’t get at least SOME form of exercise every day – be that a full workout or walking the dog – I get antsy and irritable. Last night was one of those nights.

When I began training for my first race at the beginning of this year, I knew that I needed a place to swim. Sure, I knew how to swim – but outside of swimming a hundred yards out to catch a wave in Santa Cruz, I had never swam any real distance. So I joined a gym that had a pool. This worked really well during the spring season, until it started staying lighter later and I could go swim in open water (better preparation – since our races are generally in open water). Well, right now the lake that I generally swim in is really low, and frankly NASTY to be swimming in. So, back to the gym for me. Great – get in at 7, finish up by 7:45 or so, sit in the sauna and relax for 20, and split – right? WRONG.

Last night, I got to the gym at 7, completely forgetting about the large group of (very) large women using the pool for waterrobics and poolates. They were supposed to end at 7:30. Okay – my bad – note to self… Tuesdays & Thursdays, don’t get to the gym until 7:30… The woman that leads this “class” is a real piece of work… and if they start late, they’ll finish late. Never mind the fact that you’ve got twenty plus people waiting to do their laps in the five-lane pool. Last night wasn’t so bad; we were at least able to start swimming at 7:40 – but I’ve been there evenings where they’ve gone past 8. And gym management does nothing about it…

Anyway, I get in, knowing I’ll be sharing a lane – which I have no problems with. A guy got in right next to me and even asked if I was okay going counter clockwise with him in the lane. I thought to myself “Awesome – someone who knows how to share a lane!” Naturally, my reply was “Sure dude – no sweat!” He said “Great – I’m going to shoot down to the other side and talk to this other guy in the lane.” The third guy was agreeable, and all things ran smoothly for about 500 yards worth. Then more people got into the pool. And not to do laps – but to screw around and splash and play grabass. In our lane. This is where I started to get pissed.

Now… This is supposed to be a gym – where people go to exercise – not a public pool for fun & games, or where you drop your kids off to cool off during the summer. I recognize that these people (teenagers) pay for the gym membership (or rather, their parents pay), so they have just as much of a right to be there and to use the pool as I do. But there is a BIG sign stating that the pool is for lap swimming and exercising. And fine – you can make the argument that their game of grabass is “exercising” – but doesn’t it make a little more sense to do it in a lane where there are other people just hanging out along the walls (i.e. an outer lane???)? And for chrissake – when you see someone swimming laps in the middle lanes, don’t get in front of them and block the lane to play your game of grabass!!! Move to the outer lanes where there are other people NOT swimming. I politely asked them to stay out of the way… but to no avail. Someone walked through giving a new/prospective member a tour, and did nothing. Eventually I got so fed up that I left. I mentioned this issue to the folks at the front desk on my way out. I have mentioned these things before, and I know others have as well. It is apparent to me that management elects to take a “do nothing” approach.

Fortunately, I feel pretty good about my swims for race day. But nonetheless… I pay my gym membership, it would be nice to actually use the pool that comes as part of that… My wife suggested I speak to or write a letter to management and tell them that if they want to retain my business that changes need to be made. And I agree with her to some extent… it’s been a long time since I have written a critical letter like that – using big words that I had to look up, and that you've got a 50/50 shot that the addressee wouldn’t understand.

The problem is that the local management just wouldn’t care. Or at least that’s the impression I get when my verbal communication goes unnoticed. Sure – I could take the “I’m taking my ball and going home” or “I’m going to tell everyone how awful this place is” approach, and I’ve seen that work. Hell – my in-laws got a new refrigerator by writing a letter to GE about the sub-par quality of their top of the line unit that ruined three kitchen floors… But honestly, we’re not talking about a Fortune 500 company that is forever concerned about its reputation here. We are talking about a chain of athletic clubs. And those are a dime a dozen. It all boils down to how far you're willing to drive... or do you trade for one closer to work versus one closer to home? Is my $35 per month making or breaking it for that club, or for the chain as a whole for that matter? No. For every person like me, who does their research ahead of time before joining (so I get the correct rate, don’t pay start-up fees, or commit to a three-year contract with an early termination clause), are there ten more who don’t? Absolutely. And they know that. That's where they make the money... And that’s why saying “I’m going elsewhere,” to your gym will get a very Randall-esque (watch the movie Clerks) “You will be missed!” response.

I think that the apathy demonstrated really is just in my particular geographic location… The general vibe at the same fitness club in Orange County for example, is a complete 180 from what I’ve got.

I get stuck in these ruts from time to time, and really get bummed out about really nothing. My failed attempt to get in a swim workout last night is one of those things. There is an overwhelming sense of apathy in the area that I live. Don’t get me wrong – there are several places where I am a frequent patron – several restaurants (I’ll give you names and numbers if you like!), the little hardware store – they rule. Best service and food around! But the majority of the other places… it kills me. The Home Depot, the Safeways, the Rite Aid… 90% of the staff that you encounter just don’t care. It’s sad, really.

I’ve worked in retail… I know it can really be a pain in the ass, and I know that there are those customers who are just going to take all of your time because they’re too lazy or too stupid to figure things out on their own. I’m not asking anyone to bend over backwards here and go out of their way to serve me. But seriously – when I politely ask if you have a product, please answer in a manner that I can comprehend – not “Wha? Whyoneedat?” (Frankly, the answer may be “None of your business.”) If I ask where it is located, it’s obviously because I do not know – that part is your job – I’m not even one of those people asking you to take me there. A simple “Aisle x, at the end,” is more than sufficient for me.

Okay - sorry - I don't mean to get on a rant about the apathy that I see in society... Sorry for the tangent. I'll stop now. Goodnight.

Two weeks to race day and WTF???

2008-09-02T20:22:00.000-07:00

So Friday rolls around, and I'm two weeks from race day, and I wake up with my gout flaring up. What. The. Fuck.

Yes, I know, I'm 30 - theoretically too young for the gout - but this is a problem I've had for years. The gout is linked to rich foods - like red meat - and belive it or not - booze. In my younger years, I used to eat a lot of bad foods, drink a lot of booze, and do nothing. I still have a tendency to eat well - just in more moderation. Likewise with the hooch... except now it's more red wine - which is among the worst offenders.

Anyway, since I've been exercising, I haven't had a gout attack since New Year's. And now Friday, two weeks before race day, I'm hurting. I picked up my cousin in SF and went to the 9er game, and even walked the two miles back to the car. Slowly, but I did it without any problems. When I got home at about 11:30, I couldn't walk. And I literally hopped across the yard to the door on one foot. Anyway, needless to say, I didn't work out on Saturday, but I was fine enough for a 25-mile ride on Sunday, and Monday I was at about 85%. Today is Tuesday, I'm at about 98%, and ready to rock at tomorrow's run.

So anyway, on to sports. Friday was the 49er - Charger game. My favorite pre-season game to watch (next to, of course the 9er-raider game) - because I don't care who wins. Not because it's pre-season, but because those are my two favorite teams. Of course I'm a bit more biased to the 9ers- what with my personalized #41 jersey & hat... but when the Chargers pulled it off at the last second, I wasn't upset. It was more about hangin' with my cousin Pat and having a couple beers to blow off steam.

Saturday I was a bit limited with my mobility. Yes! College football!!! No!!! Michigan is starting out unranked in the BCS (and yes, I know that BCS rankings are bullshit anyway) for the first time since 1985!!! And they lost to Utah! And then the hippies at Cal beat Michigan State!!! WTF is wrong with this world? Oh well - at least Jimmie Johnson won the race on Sunday... Finally a Chevy in victory lane... despite Hendrick's (and Johnson's) total domination last year, even with the addition of Dale Jr. this year, the Hendrick cars have been quiet.

Saturday evening was our favorite dinner... Pizza from Sergio's and a bottle of wine. I can't remember which one we had, but it was certainly one that a true wine snob would say "you should have that with a nice dinner!" Well, Saturday evening with the wife, and no one calling on the phone to bug us, and the dog passed out in the chair IS a nice dinner for us. That was all well and good, except I decided after the wine that I wanted a Mai Tai. And then after the Mai Tai, I decided I wanted another. And after that one, I decided to have one more. So anyway, at about 11:30, my wife was passed out, and I was dozing off. We went to bed, and that was the end of it. So I thought... I woke up at 4:30 with my heart racing, and my head splitting - a combination of the effects of all the crap in the red wine and all the sugar in the Mai Tais...

I tossed and turned until about 6, when I said "screw it," and got up. Left the house at 7:30 to meet the crew in Walnut Creek for a ride. Good turnout - but unfortunately, I wound up riding solo... I passed everyone (except Eric - who was gone like a bat out of hell right when the light went green) within the first mile, and was pretty much gone from there. We were doing a timed 90-minute ride, so at 50, I turned around, knowing I had more downhills to go. I got nervous riding back - hoping (1) that I stayed on the right road (knowing I've a shitty sense of direction) and (2) that they weren't sending out the search party. Anyway, pulled in to the parking lot with 90 on the clock exactly (i was going by the cyclocomputer, not my watch), and 25.0 on the odometer! Nice! And I wasn't the last one back... so no search parties.

I rested on Monday, cleaned house, etc... Tonight I swam... or rather TRIED to swim... I'm getting longwinded here, so I'll publish another rant tomorrow after our team run.

L8R.

Kelp crawling, foot pain, and bike crashes.

2008-08-25T16:42:00.001-07:00

Got to preview the PG swim and bike course on Sunday. Two things I learned:

1. Monterey Bay is not nearly as cold as everyone leads you to believe. I was debating purchasing a squid lid & wetsuit booties - but I can now say with a pretty high degree of confidence that I won't need them. I spent a good 40+ minutes in the kelp field, and wasn't even shivering when I came out.

2. Why is it that I have no fear of swimming through kelp fields, at times head and what seemed like half my body fully out of the water and CRAWLING (hence the "Kelp Crawl") over the kelp; but swimming in a lake with all the crap in there still grosses me out? Oh wait... I think I answered my own question. The ocean is huge, the beach is relatively clean, no visible litter, and the kelp isn't covered in algae (it's actually mesmerizing to look at under water). Versus the lake, which is manmade, much smaller, has slime all over the buoys and lane marker ropes, and is often covered in goose shit...

Anyway, swimming through the kelp on race day will certainly be met with its own challenges - but I'm not worried. I have a plan for race day... Cruise the swim, hammer the bike, and finish the run.

Given our long run on Saturday, Sunday was designed to be an "easy paced recovery ride" of 90 minutes or less. I did 20 miles (3 loops on the PG course) in an hour and 6 minutes, exerting relatively little effort. I was able to have a couple of Gu's and plenty of Gatorade, all while maintaining a decent pace. That was a big confidence booster - given my wreck 3 months ago while trying to take a swig from a water bottle. The course was relatively uneventful... gentle rollers and flat, mostly - with one sharp hill of about 100 feet in distance at the end (right before the hairpin turnaround). I didn't get into a lower gear than my 42x19 (that's bike-dork speak for "middle chainring, #4 sprocket). I am expecting to be able to really hammer the bike course on race day. I'm hoping to finish the bike in an hour 20 or less. Coach Mike said I looked strong; so I'm feeling pretty confident. Now - let me just get it out there again - by no means am I going to be the fastest on my team... I am fairly certain that Matt and Steve are going to smoke me. It wouldn't shock me if those guys finished in the sub-2.5 hour range. But after riding the course and swimming the swim, I think that meeting 3.5 hours for the whole ball-o-wax on race day is easily attainable.

I had Coach Paul take a look at my nutrition plan for race day as well - everything looked pretty good. He gave me a couple of tips for the pre-race; and noted to adjust my water/fluid needs on the bike if it's hot (Monterey in mid September? Not terribly likely...) - but said that it looked solid. Given he's completed several Ironman events, and the fact that any other advice he's given me this season has worked out well, I'm not going to argue.

Now the run... On Sunday, my left foot hurt so bad I could hardly walk when I got out of bed. I was quite worried. It's still sore today... I'm going to have to talk to coach on Wednesday, and get a recommendation for a good sports doctor or podiatrist. My wife knows of a good doctor for bones, muscles and joints, but I'm admittedly a little skeptical there. If you don't work with someone who specializes in sports medicine, you really run the chance of getting the whole "Don't run until race day - and even then, you should drop the race!" No effing way. Even if I go to the doctor and he tells me I can't run until race day, I'm running the race. I don't care if it means I'm on crutches for six weeks after... I've trained too hard for this. I've hyped this up to way too many people. Come hell or high water, I'm running the damn race.

Oh yeah - I crashed my bike again on Sunday as I was leaving our ride... I was turning around... Hadn't even clicked both feet in yet, turned the bars too far, and Splat! Someone said "Are you hurt?" To which I replied, "Only my pride!" I think Jeff must have been willing that one as revenge for when I telepathically made him fall over in the parking lot a few weeks ago.

Today is "rest day" and at this point in the season, all of our coaches have advocated sticking as closely to the training schedule as possible so we don't screw ourselves up for race day. So, I'm going to rest.

My 7-miler and More on the Olympics...

2008-08-23T12:02:00.000-07:00

I'd like to clarify one quick thing on the Olympics... My sister read my tirade on the games, and made the comment that watching Michael Phelps win #8 and beat Mark Spitz was amazing. Yes it was. Yes, I'm glad I saw that. Michal Phelps, you are a BAD ASS!!!

Anyway, today's Tri-training update.

Today was our "Long Run." For me, this was 7 miles, which is about 0.8 miles longer than race day. I arrived plenty early so that I could make sure to stretch. We were running out at the Iron Horse Trail, right past San Ramon Golf Club (where I've played... fun course!). Many people hate this course because "It's flat as a pancake and just keeps going!" To which I say "Great!"

I started out strong, and wound up doing my first mile in about 8:30, pacing Coach Andrew. I said to myself that I should slow up a bit... I've got 6 more miles of this. I wound up pacing Melissa to the 3.5 mile turn, and back to the water stop - about 5 miles. We were averaging about 9:30-9:45 mile times. I'm happy with that.

At around mile 5, my left foot and my right calf really started screaming... so there were a couple of stretch stops, and 1-minute walk intervals to keep me going. (Melissa had dusted me at that point... no reason for her to slow down!) And then I saw the cages protecting trail walkers/runners/bikers from the golf course. Home free baby!!! I made it back to the parking lot, from where we started. 70 minutes on the nose. That's a 10-minute mile. I'm happy with that. But at the end of the day (not to get all scientific and technical about it or anything), I was actually going faster. There were two one-minute walks to cope with the pain in my calf and foot. There were two or three stretch stops. There was a minute at the water stop. There were two minutes lost to a traffic light. I did not stop my watch for these delays. What I did learn though is that it is nice to have someone running alongside you. If you can hold a conversation, you're not pushing too hard. That was my goal today. Push it just enough, and get through. Done and done.

So I'm feeling pretty good about my run for race day. Given the pains I'm having, I will probably need to talk to coach and see what to do. But come race day, I don't care. Cruise the swim, hammer the bike, and survive the run. Once I cross that finish line, if I do have some injury that prevents me from running for a few weeks, I don't care. It's getting there that counts.

Off to Monterey now for the evening with the wife. And we're doing a course preview in the ocean and on the bike!

Why I hate the Television Coverage of the Olympics...

2008-08-22T11:12:00.000-07:00

OK... I'm being vocal today...

... Again - I will make my general blanket statement that the Olympic coverage is horrible. Yes, I understand the concept of ratings - my father in law works in television. Yes, I understand supply and demand (although all I'm seeing is an endless "supply" of gymnastics and track, and relatively no "demand" of the masses to watch it). But you would think that there would still be more diversification with the programming.

I was a wrestler in high school. Therefore, I was always excited by the prospects of seeing the Olympic matches. But alas, they were seemingly never (and are still seemingly never) televised (save for 30 minutes highlights at 1am). On the plus side, if you have TV at work (or a wicked case of insomnia), you can catch some boxing, and watch the flyweight guys zip around the ring and beat the holy hell out of each other.

With my recent interest in triathlon and cycling, I was hoping to see some coverage of these events. Again... What coverage? I got to see about an hour of the Individual Pursuit (in the velodrome) about a week ago. Very cool, but no less... That's the only cycling coverage I've seen.

Right now, we appear to be in the thick of track coverage.... woo hoo... Drag racing without the potential for explosions and fire... Although, maybe someone will bite it going over a hurdle. Or get speared with a javelin. Fall on a pole vault. Enough morbid thoughts...

Even though I hate basketball, I was hoping to see the US team return to its "Dream Team" glory... I thought this year we had a team of men willing to play the game to win (unlike the image-centered team in Athens that thought they would walk in and dominate, and instead got spanked).

I think the two days of beach volleyball coverage are done now...

What about BMX Biking? Yes, I recognize that this is a very "X-games" type of event - but everyone has sounded interested in it! The IOC and the television stations have done a horrible job of actually making it known that there is BMX biking... I tell people "Yeah, I'm really interested to see that!" and their immediate reaction is "What? They're doing BMX biking in the olympics? No way!" It's a lot like snowboarding in the winter games... everyone poo-pooed it; but thanks to the likes of Shawn "The Flying Tomato" White, who came in and DOMINATED, it got some recognition.

Instead, coverage focuses on gymnastics (and I'm sure the floor exercise and ribbon dance will start their non-stop coverage shortly), diving, swimming (don't get me wrong... it was cool to see Phelps), and what we may perceive to be "obscure" sports.

I watched Field Hockey at lunch yesterday. Obscure to me, yes. But it made sense, I understood what was going on... It looks brutal. Hardball, no pads, no facemask!!! Ok - this is an obscure sport I can get in to... the potential for blood is VERY high. I gather it's a very east coast thing though... There's a young woman in my office who played in college. She agrees that the sport is not very popular in California.

But here's a fun one for you. I just went into the lunchroom at the office to grab a bottle of water. On the TV is olympic coverage. Ever heard of Handball? No, not the game that is similar to racquetball that they play in prison because they're not allowed to have rackets for fear that they will beat each other with them. So what is it? I never knew this sport even existed... It very much resembled something you played as a kid when all you could find was a red four-square ball the size of a softball, and had no grass or basketball hoops. You couldn't play soccer with it - it was too small, and you had no grass. You couldn't play basketball with it - you had no hoops (and you might not have been strong enough at 7 to shoot it at a 10-foot high rim anyway). So you ran around with it, stuck the kid you didn't like (usually me) in the goal, and played a cross between basketball and soccer. I didn't even know this was a real sport. Learn something new and random every day...

Fine... I admit it. I'm biased. Unlike the rest of America likes (or what the TV coverage leads you to believe everyone likes), I don't like watching gymnastics. I especially hate watching the floor exercise and ribbon dance. I don't care about diving (much like NASCAR for some of you folks, it's only worth watching for the crashes). But seriously... do we all realize yet that what is actually televised is such a small portion of what is actually there????

Ooh! The Rythmic Gymnastics (aka Ribbon Dance) is starting!!!

Okay... I'll get off my soapbox now.

I'm hurting here...

2008-08-22T07:50:00.000-07:00

I need a Spa day. I need a massage (minds out of the gutters, I'm not talking seedy joint in SF with a happy ending). I need several hours in a hot tub. And yes, I realize that's a very girly thing to say. But my back is full of knots and cracks that between training, sitting at a desk all day (with what I'm sure amounts to marginal posture at best) and stress, I just can't get out. The knot in my right calf seems to have worked itself out; but now I've got what feels like a big knot in my right foot. Making matters worse, my left foot cramped up at about 11:00 last night. So I'm sitting at work with no shoes, and a golf ball under each foot trying to work these things out. And there's something going on in my right knee. I don't know who I pissed off for this one, but whatever it was, I'm sorry already! Three weeks to race day... I'm not missing this...

Ouch....

2008-08-21T09:25:00.000-07:00

Last night's brick went very well... I'm still strong on the bike, I still hate headwinds (aero bars this weekend perhaps?), and my run is coming along nicely. During our warm-up run, I ran alongside Janet, one of our captains, who is in a million times better shape than me. We were ahead of the pack (!!!), and I was able to hold a conversation without keeling over or getting winded. The other run sections of the brick also felt good, and all of our coaches seemed pretty impressed with my pace. It's been a long time since I've been able to say that!

Everything was feeling fine except for this knot that seemed to develop in my right calf muscle. It hurt like hell and felt like my tendons were going to snap last night. I did my best to work it out, but it's still a bit tight this morning. And what's worse is that I feel like I've got this knot now in the bottom of my foot. I'm sitting in the office today rolling it around on a golf ball to try to work it out.

Of course this all has to happen two days before we have a 7-mile "race pace" run scheduled, and a course preview on Sunday. I'm not happy about this right now. I'm going to do it, and I'm going to push through... but I'm sure it's going to hurt like an SOB after....

In other news, Jeff and I spent a good 15 minutes before our workout trying to analyze just how the hell we're going to get speakers mounted on his bike for race day. Coach Paul confirmed for us that there was nothing in the USAT rulebook that said this wasn't illegal... He chuckled about the idea initially; but eventually caught on that we were serious about it. He gave us one of those "Wow. You're serious. Ummm... what do I say about that" looks. Well, that's TNT-EB Tri Subchapter "Team High Life" for ya!

On Team High Life, if the fine folks at Miller Brewing Company are out there and reading this, if you all wouldn't mind helping us out by sending a couple of High Life cycling jerseys and/or visors our way, it would be forever appreciated, and you would be deified in our books!

Faster than one mile an hour!

2008-08-20T09:01:00.000-07:00

Swam last night at the cliffs... water level is low, and visibility is good. That sucks, because I can see all the crap at the bottom of the lake.

Anyway, swam 1800 yards in about 34 minutes. That's 1.021566402 miles for those keeping track at home...

Race distance is 0.93 miles. At that rate, I'm looking at a swim of 31 minutes.

Long run this weekend - let's see how that paces.

A long week and a long ride...

2008-08-16T14:09:00.000-07:00

I had a long week. It's not that there were any real fire drills at work or anything; but I was busy. And it's just one of those times each year that work kind of gets to me. Anyway, I won't bore you with the details. Let's just say that aside from a 5-miler with the dog and a short swim, it wasn't the best workout week. And my wife's out of town, which means I haven't been eating as well as I should, and my sleep has been marginal at best. Anyway, I knew that Saturday was a 30-mile ride, and that's what got me through.

The goal for today was to do our best to keep at race pace - that way we know (a) how fast we're going to be for race day, (b) hydration plan, and (c) nutrition plan. No, I'm not talking about having a four-course meal through the duration of the ride... In my case, it's a matter of how much Gatorade and Gu do I need (about a quart of gatorade and 3 gu's did me fine for those keeping track at home).

We started out in San Ramon, riding down San Ramon Road, to where it turns into Foothill as you hit Dublin/Pleasanton, and down in to Sunol. Note to self: remember this ride; but do it early... the cars on Foothill at the 580/680 freeway interchange and on-ramp seemed confused. I was honked at several times (and I was NOT doing anything illegal or stupid... well, some might perceive riding where we were as stupid, but I digress). Although I restrained my urge to extend my finger and wave at several of the honkers, I did find myself yelling a couple of explatives back at them... Anyhoo, we rode 15-miles out into Sunol, turned around just after hitting the 680, and headed back. I had to ask other folks on our team (whom I was passing on my way back) which way to go. Yes. I have a crap sense of direction. I know. My wife reminds me constantly. I arrived safely back in the parking lot in an hour and 46 minutes, for an average speed of just over 16 miles an hour. Not as fast as I had hoped, but I'm not discouraged. Why, you may ask? Well, I checked my computer at the 24.8 (40K) mark. An hour and 30. On the nose. That's what I predicted for my bike ride. Do I think I'm going to do better on race day? Absolutely. Why? The Pac Grove Triathlon is a FLAT course. Today's ride was full of hills. And not just friendly rollers. It seemed that every time I'd finish climbing one hill and get some speed, there'd be another one. I found myself screaming "DAMMIT! Another F-ing Hill?!?!?!?!?" on several occasions. Nonetheless, it was a great ride - lots of shade and a good road. Just what I needed.

Pacing... I started strong. Perhaps too strong. For about the first 5 miles, I was hanging with one of the coaches. He lost me at a light, but I caught him at the next. Then we hit the first hill. It was effortless for him - but I'm first to admit that climbs are my downfall. Bye coach! I did not see him again. After another 2 miles, Steve passed me. But that was the last of the Olympic Distance crew to pass me. So I'm feeling pretty good.

Aero Bars... I need to get some. Coach Adam told me that the "break point" where they really make a difference is at about 17 mph. Given PG is flat, and pretty much straight, that could be to my benefit.

After cooling off and stretching, I was talking to this guy Jeff. Jeff is a fun dude. He was a frat boy in college; but I don't hold that against him. He likes hair metal, and willingly plays it while we're getting ready. Jeff has decided that he is going to "take one for the team" on race weekend, and rig an iPod and speakers on his bike. USAT rules (and general common sense) prohibit headphones; but there's nothing on the books that your bike can't have music!!! It'll kick ass if he can pull it off. Jeff also indicated that he would be one of those unhealthy people like me on race day... those who, instead of recovering from the race with water, and fluid replacement drinks and nutritional supplements cracks a cold beer at the finish line. Hey... it's cold, and you gotta replace those carbs!!!

Anyway... the long and short, I had a great ride, I kept a good pace, and I think I can handle the run after.

I hope that this week is better. I've got to get my training back on schedule a bit... At least 2 miles of swims, a nice long bike ride, and some brick runs. Next Saturday is a 7-mile run, followed by a trip down to PG so I can preview the course on Sunday.

Let me take just a quick second to thank AGAIN everyone who has helped out with my Team in Training fundraising efforts. THANK YOU EVERYONE! YOU RULE!!!

To those who still wish to help out, here's the link!!!

http://pages.teamintraining.org/sf/pactri08/bfargo

Till next time....

Foot cramps and insomnia

2008-08-14T08:51:00.000-07:00

I don't know if foot cramps is the right way to put it.... but I've been scared lately - my left foot has been really hurting when I run. Almost to the point that I worry that it's a stress fracture... but it's not swolen. So I work out the muscles with a frozen golf ball or a frozen bottle of water (to use like a roller), and it feels fine after a few minutes. I took the dog for a 5-mile run last night (ed. note: running with my dog is great... she paces me at 8-minute miles! I wonder if USAT or TNT rules allow her on the course on race day...). I tied my shoes a little looser than I have been. No pain whatsoever. Icing? Shoelace tension? I don't know... but at least I'm not hurt.

In other news, I had a wicked case of insomnia last night. Wife's out of town, I'm busy at work... I went to bed at 11 and read until about 11:30. I was good and tired; but when I shut off the lights, my mind started racing. Work, the dog, the race, familial obligations, etc... I tried counting sheep (I'm not kidding)... I got to six hundred and seventy three, and realized it was a futile effort. I laid there in the dark just hoping that my body and mind would just shut down for a few hours. The last memory I have of the clock was 2:30... after what seemed like about 15 minutes, it was 6:00 and the alarm was screaming for me to get up. I'm not happy right now.

Recovery Week

2008-08-10T09:03:00.001-07:00

Part of training involves recovery weeks... Yes, that week where you take it "easy." Although "taking it easy" is all a relative term. For example, my bike ride yesterday was 20 miles... but we took it easy. The toughest part about a recovery week is not pushing yourself. I had been laid up for two days sick, so I was very stir-crazy, and wanted to push more. But, sticking to the program, I held back, and I think ultimately I'm feeling pretty good because of it.

In other news, my bike needs a tune up now... I've had it for a few months now, and it's got enough miles on it that all the cables are "broken in" - i.e. stretched. In other words, brakes get looser, and shifts may not be as responsive. Don't want that...

What a lousy week.

2008-08-08T09:30:00.000-07:00

This week was a "recovery" week from the last couple of weeks' training sessions. By "recovery," I don't mean a week of sitting on our asses... rather, after a couple of weeks of training at increased intensities, we step it back, and our trainings are more aerobic.

Unfortunately for me, this week really amounted to a fair amount of sitting on my ass.

After Saturday and Sunday's workouts, I felt tired - but ultimately OK. The tired factor was largely attributable to lack of sleep (and lack of a nap when I got home). Monday was our actual rest day, and I was still feeling tired. On Tuesday, I went out to Shadow Cliffs with Coach and a couple other folks for a swim workout. I swam my mile, and headed home. Then I really started feeling weak. By Wednesday, the Martian Death Flu had a full grip on me.

I still have this juvenile mentality of "If you don't go to work during the day, you can't do anything fun in the evening." So instead of listening to my wife and staying in bed, I stupidly "manned up" and went in to the office. That lasted until noon. I came home and crashed on the couch. Thursday, I made it through the whole day, but was laid up on the couch when I got home. Today is Friday, I feel half normal, but not much is going to get done. Tomorrow is a Ride & Run; and I don't want to miss that.

On a completely unrelated note... A couple of months ago, our family lost a very dear friend, Uncle Mike. It was very sudden, and unexpected. Uncle Mike was very tight with my mom & dad, uncle Milt, and uncle Tom. He was a soft spoken guy, and one of the most loyal people I've ever met. He was in the Army reserves, and he had actually been called up in early '02, and had been in Virginia. It had been a while since we had physically seen him, but we heard from him periodically, so we always knew that he was OK. And then we got the shocker that he was gone. Wednesday would have been Mike's 60th birthday. Uncle Mike, Happy Birthday. We know you're out there somewhere. Not a day goes by that we don't miss you.

Swimming in the Bay and running to the bridge...

2008-08-03T12:20:00.000-07:00

Saturday was my first ocean swim with the team. I'm fine with open water, but this was really the first time I was swimming in a structured environment with the team, and a proper wetsuit. I've got to say... San Francisco Bay is not nearly as cold as I thought, nor as filthy. Now... Before everyone gets huffy, let me clarify....

I'm used to swimming in lakes. And swimming in the ocean usually means that I'm on vacation, in Hawaii, and the water is 75+ degrees, and crystal clear. Such is not the case at Aquatic Park in San Francisco. But it's not nearly as bad as everyone thinks.

Once I overcame the initial shock of the freezing-ass cold water, I got in my groove, and next thing I knew, coach was calling us in for our run. All in all, I swam about a mile, and was feeling pretty darn good.

By no means do I claim to be any kind of an expert triathlete. I never will be. I'm doing this for fun. But with TNT, there are definitely a lot of first-timers. So Coach held a clinic, teaching us how to get in and out of the water off of a starting line. If you've never done it, it is definitely a little intimidating when three people literally crawl over you. And even if you have done it once or twice, that elbow in the back, knee to the ribs, and heel to the jaw still never feel good.

Anyway, bottom line, swimming in the bay isn't that bad, so long as you've got a wetsuit. And check us out.

See if you can find me.

Anyway, after we swam, we put on our running shoes and headed out. My group (the Olympic distance crew) was supposed to run for an hour... 30 minutes out, 30 back. To say the least, I was a bit intimidated. But I was determined... My goal for training is no walking (okay, or as little as possible). And my goal for race day is no walking (period). I took off, kept a decent pace, and was apparently doing okay, because I was able to hold a conversation with one of the coaches for a good mile. I made a quick pit stop when I found an open portajohn, and then back out on the run. I hit the groove. I was cruising along, and feeling pretty good. Steve (the bald guy in the picture above) passed me like a bat out of hell and kept going. (I wasn't shocked... he's quick). But I didn't see any of the rest of the team for a while. Given my horrible sense of direction, I was a bit worried that maybe I missed a turn. But I remember Coach saying something about "When you get to the bridge, turn around." Next thing I knew, I was looking at my watch, and arriving at the Golden Gate Bridge. I made it 30 minutes, and was feeling pretty good!!! And I didn't get lost!

I turned around, and kept up at the same pace. I felt pretty decent, although it was a bit of an ego crusher when Steve passed me again on the way back. I knew I was on the right path when I started catching up with some of the rest of the team. I didn't stop running until we got into the park near the marina (I can't remember what it's called). I just went up a nasty hill (which I refer to as "Cardiac Hill"), and I needed a breather. I walked for less than a minute, and ran back in to Aquatic Park. 60 minutes of running. After a mile swim. And I felt damn good.

Turns out that run was about 7.5 miles. I don't remember the last time I ran 7.5 miles... if I ever did. Yeah. Rule.

I felt pretty good right after the workout... but I was pretty useless the rest of the day.

Rode 30 miles on Sunday, and now it's off to mow the lawn. Stay tuned for more of Ben's adventures...

I must be getting in better shape.

2008-07-28T19:27:00.000-07:00

I ran for 45 minutes this evening. I was pacing about 9-minute miles... Much faster than usual! I ran the whole way, no stops (except when I had to pick up the dog crap). I felt great - like I could do another 45. No use overdoing it though.

The effects of a wedding on your workouts...

2008-07-27T20:56:00.000-07:00

Well, as promised, the following is what I have learned about the effects of your buddy's wedding on your training and your golf game.

James and Janell got married this weekend. I have to say that it was definitely a fun wedding. And I knew Janell was cool from day one - but she gets major bonus points because when I jokingly asked if I could ditch my tuxedo shoes in favor of flip flops after we finished dinner she replied "Why not? I did!" and picked up the bottom of her dress to reveal flip flops!!! So back to this whole thing...

Friday night was the rehearsal dinner, and of course we took James out for a couple of pints afterward. I had to drive back home, and was also getting up early to go swim and run, so as far as the night before a wedding goes, it was pretty tame. I woke up at 6:15 and headed out to Shadow Cliffs for a swim and a run. I squeezed into my new wetsuit (thank you to Fit 2 Race - f2r.com who exchanged my suit with the busted zipper for a new one!), and was relieved to find that it fit. In other words, I wrecked the zipper on the other suit by catching it on something, not because I'm too fat. Anyway, although I didn't need the suit because the lake water is really warm, it was nice to have for the buoyancy factor. And I really do swim faster in the suit. I swam my mile, ran for half an hour, and then high-tailed it home to get down to San Jose.

We set up the chairs and tables, cleaned stuff up, had a couple beers, and then went to the owl restaurant for lunch. Got ready, and back to the house for pictures at 3. Awesome wedding, fantastic dinner, and aparrently the bar was good too, because I voluntarily danced. Yes, you read that right. My wife was fighting a nasty cold for the last three days, so when the time came to head to our hotel, I didn't object. We went back, and I was out cold. It was 11:00.

I had intended to get up at 6 and go running (since we stayed down in San Jose, I didn't have my bike with me.). That didn't happen. I awoke to my cell phone alarm at 8:30. Get up, clean up, and head to P-town for golf at Calippe Preserve.

After a Rockstar and a diet pepsi, and several advil, the hangover was not subsiding. I think that I probably played the worst round of golf that I've ever played in my life. On the front nine, I had back to back tens. On the back nine, I put three balls into the creek off of the tee and hit a twelve. I couldn't wait for 18 to be finished. I found myself questioning on several occasions whether or not I still actually liked playing golf.

What have we learned from this little experience? Just don't do anything the day after your buddy's wedding. It's just not worth it.

So anyway, back to the wedding... I always judge a wedding based on how bad my hangover is, and whether or not my wife is mad at me. I am pleased to say that on a scale of 1 to 10, my hangover was a golf-game ruining 9, and my wife was not mad at me at all!!! Translation - probably the best wedding I've been to in the last few years. James, Janell, congratulations and all the best. I am honored to have been a part of it.